“You always say that.”
“Because I always am.” Before the conversation completely derails and I turn into a fucking simp, I say, “Do you remember Marisa and Robert Cox?”
“Your friends from college?”
“Yep. Well, they died in a tragic car wreck and… they’ve left me their son. Apparently, they’ve made me the kids’ guardian. His name is Braeden, and he’s fourteen.”
She’s silent on the other end, and I let her mull my words over. I’m sure she’s coming up with ways to demean me or make me feel like I’m too inept to be a parent.
One thing my mother hasn’t done is to encourage me to get married or have kids. I’m sure she wants me all to herself. Or she thinks I’m incapable of such things. That’s also the very reason she’s never learned of my bisexuality or that I was in a long-term relationship with a man—the very man who cheated on me. I’d never hearthe end of it.
The few times she came to stay with me over the holidays, Grant was off with his own family, so she never got wind of our involvement.
“What the hell are you supposed to do with a child?”
“Take care of him? Raise him? He’s got no one else.”
“Surely there are parents out there who’d want to adopt him.”
I try not to lose my temper since it never gets me anywhere. “No, Mom. We don’t want him put into the system. Marisa and Robert entrusted me with their most valuable asset. I’m not going to let them or the boy down.”
I hold my breath, waiting for her put-downs.
“You aren’t made to be a father.”
And there it is.
No shit. Mom and my ex made sure I had the coping skills of a honey badger. I don’t need a shrink to know that most of my faults were caused by how I was raised.
“I know, but I’m going to try. The kid deserves stability after losing his parents. They’re dead, Mom. He’s grieving and scared. The last thing I want to do is abandon him and toss him into a system that doesn’t care or has the funds to care.”
I only know how bad the system is because of Robert.
She’s silent on the phone for a while, once again processing.
Please don’t belittle me. Please, I need support here.
When she talks again, she makes a verbal list of everything I need to do for him. I already know these things, but I let her get it out. It makes her feel useful and important. Besides, her response here means something. I need her on my side about this.
“Did you get all that?”
“Yep, I wrote it all down,” I lie easily. You learn to lie a lot when you have a mother like mine. “And be prepared for a call or visit from social services. They’re going to investigate me to make sure I’m fit.” I’ve filedan emergency petition to be his temporary guardian, thanks to Marisa and Robert’s lawyer. We had to be quick about it.
“My lawyer says that things will happen rather quickly. I’ll soon need to file for guardianship. There will be investigations and interviews, and several hearings before the court rules me as Braeden’s guardian. And apparently, I’ll need to care for him for several months before they grant me full guardianship.”
“This is going to be a lot of work for you, on top of your job.”
“I realize that.”
She still treats me like I can’t figure shit out for myself. I have a college degree and a master’s. I’m successful. I didn’t become that by being stupid.
“Look, I need to run. I promised I’d take him to lunch and to see a movie.”
“Okay then. Call me if you need anything or any help.”
Not likely.
“Sure. Thanks, Mom.”
