TosayI’mgoinginto panic mode is wildly understated. My heart feels like it’s trying to punch a hole into my chest like some alien creature. What the hell am I going to do with a teenage boy? A teen boy who’s grieving? I’d never met Braeden. My friends had only sent me a few pictures here and there back when he was really little. The last picture they sent was nine or ten years ago.
Marisa had been pregnant right before I moved to New Orleans for work. An architectural firm had hired me, and I was eager to get my career started.
Pregnancy suits Marisa. Her long, light brown hair is silky, and her lightly tanned skin radiates. She’s a beautiful woman, and I would’ve snatched her up as my girlfriend had I not been dating a guy when she met Robert. They were a better couple anyway. I was happy they ended up married.
I’m at a small gathering with several of our friends to celebrate the gender reveal. Thank fuck, they didn’t do anything crazy, like pink or blue explosions. This pregnancy is important to them. Robert’s only family is Marisa, and she’s estranged from hers, so the excitement that they’re making their own family bubbles in the air. I couldn’t be more fucking happy for them.
They included me as part of their family and have always been there for me when I struggled with my mother. If anyone understands, it’s Marisa. Robert even made me his best man at their wedding.
Before they cut into the gender reveal cake, I stand and raise my champagne in a toast.
“I can’t tell you how happy I am that you both have found each other, and now you’ll have someone else to love. You both deserve this. You deserve all the happiness. Down the road, years from now, you’ll look back at memories filled with children and grandchildren. Robert and Marisa, may you have the perfect lives you deserve.”
Marisa stands and pulls me into a hug, desperately trying not to cry, but fails miserably. “I love you, Cal. You’re the best damn friend we could ask for.”
I kiss the top of her head as I shake Robert’s hand.
When our emotions calm down, we sit, and they cut into the cake. The piece comes out in a light blue.
“It’s a boy!” Robert cries out, and Marisa rushes a hand to her mouth, already emotional, but starts crying happy tears.
“I don’t care what it is, as long as it’s healthy, but it will be fun to decorate for our son,” she says.
Later that night, after everyone’s gone home and I’m about to leave, my best friends stop me.
“Can we talk to you for a minute?” Robert asks.
“Yeah, what’s going on?”
“We know you’re leaving Houston soon. God, we’re going to miss you.”
“I’ll miss you both, too, but I’ll be back to visit, and of course, we can talk on the phone.”
Marisa and Robert look at each other before turning their attention back to me. He drapes his arm around his wife and tucks her close against him, as she rests her hand over her swelling stomach.
“Marisa and I would like you to be our child’s godparent. We love you, and there’s no one else we trust more. You know, it’s mostly in name only, but just in case.”
I have no intention of marrying or having kids, but I could do that for them. Besides, I’m not worried. They’ll live long and happy lives. I just know it.
“Of course. I’d be honored. And you know that I’ll always be there for you both.”
“We couldn’t have asked for a better friend,” she says.
That’s when the tears start as the panic gives way to grief and regret. I’d never had friends that close before, and I probably never will again.
Now that the lawyer is gone, and I’m sitting by myself in the kitchen, my coffee now cold, a quiet sob escapes me. I should’ve called them more. I should’ve fucking visited. Life swept me away as I worked in the new company, then started my own business. After I kicked Grant out, I wallowed in pain for so long. I’d been so fucking angry and betrayed. It took up most of my time. Part of me knows deep down that I didn’t come back because of my mother. I’ve flown her out to me during Christmas because I need to be in my own territory around her. Plus, the old house I grew up in always gave me anxiety.
Knowing that I’ll never have a chance to reconnect with them guts me. My only connection now is Braeden, their son, and that’s terrifying. I have absolutely no intention of not being his guardian. I couldn’t do that to my friends. Iwouldn’tdo that to them. But I have absolutely no idea how to be a parent. My only knowledge is from my narcissistic mother, and she’s not exactly a role model.
Most people start parenthood with infants and make mistakes along the way, learning as they go. I have no such luxury. Hell, I have no idea what to say to him or how to start. Given his state, mistakes can take a drastic turn for the worse.
I sniff, stand, and grab a paper towel to blow my nose. I can’t sit in here forever, not saying anything to the kid.
Get your shit together and talk to the boy, Cal.
Braeden is watching a nature show when I come and sit down on the couch next to him. His knees are drawn up, and he’s hugging them. At least he took his shoes off.
“Hey, Braeden. I’m, ah, Cal.”
