“Yeah. Cheating piece of shit.” Simon folded his arms. “That’s your name.”
“You—” Ollie growled and pushed past me. Simon made his way forward, too, only held back by the others. Guy looked half ready to start swinging as well.
“ENOUGH!” I yelled. “Ollie, go out to the garden. You lot” – I gestured to Simon and Guy – “fucking keep it in your pants. The last thing we need is more testosterone.”
Nigella slunk in behind me. “Why are they all here too?” I asked.
“Oh, that’s actually not my fault. Honestly, they all turned up one by one this morning.”
I gave her a look. “I’m very maternal; people flock to me,” she said.
Instead of saying anything else, I glared at her as hard as I could. Then I turned and followed Ollie out into the garden and shut the door. Verity and Nigella had joined the others at the kitchen island. They all stood there,facing out towards us, alternately glaring – the men – and looking concerned – the women.
Outside, Ollie was pacing the garden, his hands going through his hair. I never wanted to see anyone pace ever again after the past month. Looking him up and down, he was not the immaculately dressed Ollie who never let the world get the better of him. This Ollie wore running shorts, a pair of plimsolls and an old workout T-shirt that was about two sizes too big for him.
“Did you get dressed in the dark?” I came to stand near him.
“Hmm? Oh, yeah. I took a sick day. Didn’t think about an outfit.” He cocked his head to the kitchen. “Who the hell are all they? Doesn’t anyone have a job in this place?”
I shrugged. “Nigella and Guy? No. Simon, yes, but, you know, dead husband, also, technically no. Verity is her own boss. Sonia … er, that’s complicated.”
He let out a choked, half-hearted scoff.
“What do you want, Ollie?” I asked.
He stopped pacing, stopped running his hands through his hair. Stopped everything. There was a long, long pause. “I … I need to put this right, Arden. I can’t let you be out in the world hating me. Anyone else can hate me all they want, but not you.”
Exhaustion washed over me. I had nothing left in the tank. “You don’t get to keep coming and doing this to me.”
“Give me one more chance. I promise—”
“Promise what, Ollie? That you’ll never cheat on me again? That you’ll never see Jamie again? Which is it, Ollie?”
“I love you, Arden! I fucked up and I’m sorry!” he yelled, tearing at his hair. “I keep screwing up, and I just want you!”
“You had me! And I wasn’t enough for you!” The whole village must be able to hear us. Our voices carried across Nigella’s garden. I dared not look inside, but I knew that every word was going through Nigella’s double-glazing.
“I’m sorry. Please tell me what to do, Arden. I can’t go on like this. The past year has been unbearable without you. I feel sick all day, every day.”
“Then why didn’t you think of that before?” I asked. I was screaming as loud as I could, but then my voice left me.
After a long silence, I said what I swore I would never admit to. Something I promised myself I’d kept buried deep down in my chest. “You broke me, Ollie. You know what my life had been like up until I met you. You know, because you were the first person that I ever told those things to.” I pushed my finger into his tear-stained face.
My voice shook. “I never told anyone about my brother or my dad, I never told anyone, but I told you. I let you use my real name; I gave you everything, but it wasn’t enough for you.”
“I …”
A year of anger, and rejection poured out of me. The desire to let it all out was too much. “You ruined everything!” I screamed at him. “I never wanted anyone like I wanted you!”
Words failed. But now the anger overwhelmed me. My chest was about to burst. “I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you!”
Ollie was trying not to cry, his hair sticking up and wild from where he’d run his hands through it.
“I wanted to forgive you,” I said eventually. My body was exhausted.
“That week in Surrey, I thought I could. I thought when we made love that everything could fall away, and we’d be us again. But we can’t.”
Silence.
