I lift the mug to my lips. "No. It's not that."
"Then what is it?"
What it always fucking is. Why Bean is the only close friend I have because he can look past the thing most people can't.
"Would TD want to live with me?" I ask.
Kimball looks confused. "I haven't mentioned it to him, but I don't see why he'd have a problem with it."
I lift an eyebrow at him. "You don't think my occupation is slightly…off-putting?"
"No. Why would you say that?"
I love Kimmy with all my heart, but the guy can be seriously oblivious at times. After fueling up on a few more sips of hot chocolate, I put the mug down on the table. "Because the last two guys I chatted to online blocked me when I told them what I did."
"Oh, shit. Really? Well, what about the guy you said you were planning on hooking up with at the mortician's convention?"
"He bailed, too."
"Ouch." He winces then asks a little meekly, "Was that before or after your speech?"
"After. And that shouldn't make a difference."
"No. Of course not. It's just…you know…" His fingers tug through his hair again, and he casts a desperate look Bean's way as if his boyfriend has telepathy and will come rescue him from this conversation. With that not looking likely, he turns to face me. "Hearing someone talking about liquidizing human remains can be a little…intense."
I know he's right, but my natural defenses kick in anyway. "It's called alkaline hydrolysis, and it's a cheaper, greener, and more calming way of returning to the earth." He flinches. A common reaction whenever this topic comes up. "We're all going to die one day, Kimmy," I add in an attempt to soften things.
"That's true. But if you want to get laid before that day comes, maybe ease up a little on the alkaline whatever the hell you just said and, like, send a few dick pics instead. You know, like a normal person."
"There's nothing wrong with my dick pic game, thank you very much." I huff out a breath through my nose. "And look, if you think TD won't mind rooming with a mortician who lives above a funeral home, go for it. Just…prepare him, okay? I love what I do for work. It's my passion. I don't want to be made to feel bad about it, especially in my own home."
I know it’s weird as hell, but ever since I was a little child, I wanted to be a mortician. There's something special about helping people in their time of grief. I just wish other people understood that more and didn't block or ghost me or treat me like a freak because of it.
And Iwouldlike to get laid before I die. Preferably a few times. A few, very many times.
Kimball's eyes light up. "Really? You sure?"
"I am."
"You're the best, man."
I smile because he's totally right.
I am.
2
TD
"Hi, I'm Bean. I'm here to drive you to Gilberton."
I manage a small smile and do not question the unusual name, which, after a missed connection and a two-hour in-plane delay, is an achievement worth being proud of.
I stick my hand out. "TD Banks. Nice to meet you."
The kid's got a weak handshake. "Where's your luggage?"
I grunt, lifting my carry-on.
