I close my eyes, trying to pull myself together, but the sound of my son’s laughter makes everything fade. The fear, the pain, all of it.
Just for a moment, I forget about the ranch, the repairs, the bills, the failure.
I sit up, rubbing a hand across my face, trying to shake off the remnants of the nightmare. It’s still there, but Charlie’s voice is a lifeline, pulling me back to reality.
I take a deep breath, and when I open my eyes again, the room feels different. Not lighter exactly, but more grounded. The walls aren’t closing in anymore.
I stand up, my legs a little unsteady as I make my way toward the window, but I don’t care. I need to see him.
Out in the yard, Charlie’s running around, chasing the chickens, his laughter ringing through the ranch. He doesn’t have a care in the world.
And in that moment, neither do I.
I slide the window open, just a crack, and let the breeze hit my face. It smells of dust and earth, the familiar scent of the ranch.
I close my eyes again, letting the sounds of Charlie’s joy wash over me. For a second, everything’s alright. The nightmare was just that… a nightmare.
“Oh, shit.”
All of a sudden, it hits me hard.
I was supposed to meet him and Dakota today. I was supposed to start being a father to Charlie, and I messed up. All because of the ranch.
Horror strikes me as I meet her eyes. She catches my expression and falters a little, but the hurt in her eyes hits me harder than anything.
I just stand there, frozen, my hand still gripping the edge of the window, reality crashing down on me.
I was supposed to be there. I was supposed to be with them, to show up for Charlie, not let everything else take priority.
I hear the soft crunch of footsteps behind me. I turn to find Sawyer, his brow furrowed.
“Clint… you okay?”
I run a hand through my hair, pushing my thoughts away.
“Yeah,” I mutter, though the word feels wrong on my tongue. I’m not okay. Not even close.
Sawyer doesn’t press. He knows better. Instead, he steps into the room, glancing over at the window where Charlie’s still laughing, chasing after the chickens as if it’s the most important thing in the world.
Sawyer’s eyes soften, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “He’s something, huh?”
“Yeah,” I say, swallowing hard. “He’s everything.”
Sawyer’s quiet for a long beat, and I can feel him studying me, sensing that something’s off. Finally, he speaks.
“You gonna go out there? Or are you just gonna let that guilt eat at you?”
The question stings more than it should, and I grit my teeth, running a hand over my jaw. “I don’t know. I fucked this up. I promised him, hell, I promised both of them I’d be there today.”
Sawyer nods slowly, the understanding in his eyes giving me no place to hide. “The ranch is a mess, Clint. But you don’t get this time back with him. You know that.”
I know it. And I’m afraid of losing it, afraid of messing this up, same as I’ve messed everything else up in my life. I glance back at Charlie, his laughter still ringing in the air, so innocent, so pure.
How the hell did I let everything else get in the way of that?
I turn back to Sawyer, my chest tight. “You’re right. I can’t keep running.”
He gives me a small, knowing smile. “Then go. Don’t waste time on regrets.”
