My throat tightens again. How did he know I was in New York? He must have asked around about me. I donotknow how to feel about that.
I try to collect myself, but the words come out in a jumbled mess.
“It… it’s been good. Busy. A lot of… a lot of work.” I sound foolish stammering over my words like a teenager. “I mean, it was… it was fine. But, uh, I’m not living there anymore.” I laugh, but it’s nervous, forced. “We’re sort of… working out our next move at the moment, me and Charlie.”
I cringe.
What an idiot.
Charlie tugs on my sleeve again, pulling me back into the moment. “Mama, do you think we can get a horse in our garden?”
I force another smile. “I don’t know about that, sweetheart.”
My heart is hammering in my chest, and I can barely stand still. Clint’s presence is suffocating.
“So, what brings you back?” Clint asks, his intense gaze boring through me. “It’s been a long time.”
I swallow hard, my mind racing. I can’t tell him the truth… not about everything.
“My grandfather passed away,” I say, forcing a calmness into my words that I don’t feel. “I’m here to take care of his estate. Get the house sold.”
“Sorry to hear that. He was a good man.”
I nod stiffly, wishing I could escape. This conversation, this feeling… it’s all too much. “Yeah. Thanks.”
There’s another pause, longer this time. I can see the storm brewing in his eyes, the unspoken questions lingering there. I can feel him still watching me, even as I turn my head away.
“Are you… are you planning on staying long?”
“I’m just here until the house is sold,” I say firmly. “Then I’ll be going. To wherever suits us best.”
Thank goodness the rain is easing up a little. I don’t know how much longer I can stand this.
Seems Clint feels the same way. “Welp, I need to get all this back to the ranch. See you both soon?”
I nod, even though internally I hope I never have to encounter him again. It’s just too much.
I watch as Clint loads the feed into his truck, my pulse pounding sickeningly hard. The way he moves, so purposeful and strong, makes my stomach twist with a mix of confusion and regret.
Regret for what? For leaving? For coming back? For Charlie having to grow up in the shadow of a past I can’t seem to outrun?
I don’t even notice how badly I’m shaking until Charlie grabs my hand, his tiny fingers wrapping around mine with innocent trust.
“Come on, baby.” I force myself to grin, trying to hide the mess I’m feeling inside. “Let’s get home, shall we?”
Charlie doesn’t argue, just nods eagerly, his face lit up with excitement.
“Mom! Did you hear him? He’s a real cowboy! He’s got horses and everything! I bet he can do all kinds of cowboy tricks! I’m gonna be a cowboy too! Can we get a horse, Mom? A real one, like Clint’s?”
I try to focus on his words, on how genuine and innocent his excitement is, but the tension in my chest only grows. “Maybe one day, sweetie. We’ll see. Right now, we just have to get home, okay?”
“But Mom,” Charlie continues, bouncing beside me, “Clint said being a cowboy is a lot of hard work. I can’t wait to do hard work! You know, like picking up hay and feeding horses. And riding them! I bet riding a horse is just like the movies! But maybe better ’cause it’s real.”
I force another smile, though the tightness in my chest is suffocating. “I’m sure it’s a lot of work, Charlie. But it sounds like fun, too. Maybe one day you’ll get to try it.”
Charlie practically skips ahead toward the car, his boots making little splashes in the puddles as he continues to talk excitedly.
“Maybe Clint can teach me to rope cows, too! He must know a lot about that stuff, right? Like… I don’t know… riding through the rain with his cowboy hat and everything! You think Clint has a horse that’s all trained and ready to race? We could race him together, me and you. You can ride too, right, Mom?”
