He would not have admitted defeat, but she loved him enough to let him go. There was no sense in holding on to something that was never meant to be.
She heard his long strides approaching from behind her. “You think to divorce me? Just like that, with no word of explanation?” He gave her no opportunity to answer before he lashed out again. “Why? I thought you wanted to try again!”
But there was no sense in trying, when his heart belonged to another. Whether or not he would admit it to himself, she could see it.
“We don’t belong together, Styr. We never did, and the gods refused to give us children.”
It was a possible reason, though she didn’t truly believe that. In her heart, she suspected the fault had always been with her.
“Did I make you that miserable?” he demanded.
“Yes! And don’t tell me I didn’t do the same to you.” She stood, facing him with anger of her own. Whether he’d meant to or not, he’d made her unhappy every time he’d looked at her with disappointment. Every time he’d held his silence while she’d done her best to make him love her.
In the end, she couldn’t force him to have feelings for her. And she was weary of trying to shape herself into the woman he wanted instead of the woman she was.
Elena gripped her hands together to stop them from shaking. “You tried. Both of us tried, but you were never happy. It doesn’t have to be this way.”
At least, not for him. He had a woman who adored him. A woman whom he wanted...and she would never forget the sight of them embracing.
“I saw the way you looked at her, Styr. I saw the way she held you. She loves you. And you love her, the way you never loved me.”
She wanted to cry again, but instead it was a resonant pain that squeezed her heart. When he came up behind her and held her, it was not the embrace of a man who regretted what she’d done. There was thankfulness in it.
He never would have divorced her. He would have lived out the rest of his life, dreaming of someone else he could never have. And for that reason, she’d made the right choice. At least one of them could be happy now.
“I want you to go to her,” Elena said softly. “Marry her, if she’s the one you want. And perhaps you’ll have the sons I could never give you.”
“What about you?” He spoke quietly, but there was compassion in his tone.
“I’ll stay here for now. I don’t know where I’ll go after that.”
He dried her tears and took her hand in his, leading her to sit down. Instead of choosing the bed, she sank down to the floor, leaning against the raised pallet.
Styr sat beside her. “I’m sorry I wasn’t the husband you needed.”
It was strange that he should be the one to apologize. Both of them had made mistakes, but she’d never expected him to say so.
“It wasn’t terrible,” she assured him. “There were some good moments.”
The early years had been awkward, but sweet. He’d tried to be a good husband, bringing her gifts and building her their own house. It had been a comfortable life, even if he hadn’t loved her.
“Is this truly what you want?” he asked. “A divorce?”
Asking her this now was hardly worthwhile. “I’ve already done it, Styr.” She forced a smile past the tears. “I don’t need your permission to declare it before witnesses.”
Even so, she softened the words when she leaned her head against his shoulder. Silence fell between them, but it was no longer a silence filled with anger or regret. It was a wistful moment, of a marriage that had ended.
Styr stood after a time and went over to his belongings. He searched through them, before he retrieved something small, hiding it in his palm. “I bought this for you, before we left Hordafylke.”
He revealed a small ivory comb with the goddess Freya carved upon it. She took it, recognizing it as a token of forgiveness between them. She combed her hair with it, then held it in her hands. “It’s beautiful.”
It was such an unexpected gift, and she knew it would be the last. As she studied the ivory, she decided to share the memories of their marriage. For therehadbeen good moments between them.
“I was so afraid on the morning of our wedding. So many women warned me that I wouldn’t like our first time together. I thought you would be rough with me.” She managed a furtive smile. “I should have known you’d never do anything to hurt a woman.”
“No. And I still never wanted to hurt you,” he admitted. “Even when I met Caragh, I remained faithful.”
“But she makes you happy, the way I never did.” She reached out to touch his heart, knowing it was the truth. It embarrassed her to say it, but she wanted him to leave this night with no guilt. It had to be a new beginning for both of them.
