He didn’t know what to say anymore. Shedidmake him feel, more than he had in the past six years. And he didn’t want to go through that madness again.
“We agreed that our marriage would be an arrangement,” he said, even knowing that the words were cruel. “I have provided for your needs, and in time, we may have an heir of our own. But don’t lift up your hopes for more, Amelia.” His hands tightened upon her shoulders. “I lost one wife, and it nearly killed me to watch her die. I won’t go through that again.”
“I have no intention of dying,” she said softly. “I’m perfectly healthy.”
“So was she. And the sickness came without warning. She was dead within five months.” He released her, quickening his pace so she had no choice but to keep up with him. “You are a good woman, Amelia, with a large heart. Give your love to Christine. Not to me, for I can’t return it.”
“You won’t return it,” she countered. “You won’t let anyone inside that stone heart of yours.”
He stopped walking and stared at her. “You want more than I’m capable of giving.”
“And what about the nights we’ve shared?” she demanded. “Were they worth nothing to you?” Her face paled as if afraid of his answer.
Damn it all, he was going to have to hurt her feelings. He didn’t want to speak the words to make her hate him, but neither did he want her to love him. “I see nothing wrong with enjoying the physical side to our marriage, if it pleases you.”
She stopped walking, gripping her arms tightly. The fury on her face was harsh, of a woman who loathed what he’d said.
“You’re lying to me. I can see that you do feel something for me. Even if you don’t want to.”
He continued walking away, while a tight ache caught in his throat. This was what he hadn’t wanted—for her to see the coldhearted man he’d become.
And when he reached the waiting coach, he saw her standing on the hillside, refusing to come any closer.
Amelia left the first clue for Christine on her bed. She knew better than to show the girl the writing space she’d prepared. Christine would only scoff and turn up her nose. But Amelia truly believed that the girl would enjoy the new paper and quills, as well as a special place for writing. And so it was that she’d invented a treasure hunt, with each note leading to another clue.
She pretended not to notice when Christine entered the drawing room, with a note in her hand. “Why would you think I’d be interested in your silly games?” The girl’s tone held ridicule, but Amelia noticed that she was wearing the lilac muslin gown they had bought together. It was a small victory, and so she ignored her stepdaughter’s rudeness.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Amelia lied, pouring herself a cup of tea. “It’s not a game. Your father simply wanted to leave you a gift.” If she told the girl it was from David, she might be more willing to accept it. “I thought this would be a more interesting way for you to find it.”
Her stepdaughter frowned a moment. “A gift from Papa?”
“Who else?” Amelia pretended as if it didn’t matter and reached for a biscuit dusted in sugar.
“Butyouwrote these clues,” she said. “I know your handwriting.”
“He’s the one who purchased it for you. I simply thought it would be a more adventurous way to give the gift.” She held out a plate to Christine. “Would you like a biscuit?”
The girl shook her head, confusion reigning over her face. “No.” In her hand, she held the last clue Amelia had left. “But you want me to go into the attic. I can’t.”
The girl’s face held dismay, and Amelia offered, “Do you want me to go with you?”
Christine hesitated. “He told me to never go up there.”
More likely this had to do with the first Lady Castledon. Perhaps David had stored his wife’s belongings in the attic. “You were younger then,” she said gently. “He probably thought you might fall down the stairs. They are rather steep.”
“He told me not to go up there,” Christine repeated. Her hands clenched against the lilac muslin, as if she didn’t know how else to protest.
Amelia didn’t know what to say to that, but it was clear the girl believed it. “Well, if you don’t want to see the gift he left, I won’t force you.” She stood and walked with Christine back to the doorway. For a moment, her stepdaughter swayed, as if fighting off dizziness. Christine reached out a hand to the wall and caught herself.
“Are you all right?” Amelia wasn’t certain if the girl was still weak from her earlier cold.
“I’m fine. I just felt faint for a moment.” Christine took several deep breaths and tried to steady herself. “And my toes are tingling. It’s strange.”
Amelia offered the girl her arm. “Perhaps walking will help. Sometimes my feet feel that way if I’ve been sitting for a while.” She eyed the girl. “Do you want to go into the attic to see the surprise, as long as you don’t touch anything?” After all the hard work, Amelia wanted to see her stepdaughter’s reaction.
“I suppose my father might not know I was there,” Christine amended. “Don’t tell himorMrs. Menford. She tells him everything I’ve done wrong.”
It was the peace offering she’d hoped for. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”
