You can’t, her brain reminded her. And with reluctance, she forced herself to step back.
“We’re too different,” she managed. “As I’ve told you before, you must find someone else.”
“You’re lying to yourself, lass.”
Yes, she was. But she couldn’t let herself even imagine a life with him. He would order her around, shaping her life in a direction she didn’t want. And although she suspected that having a man like Cain in her bed would be breathtaking, it wasn’t worth the perilous price of her virtue.
“I understand about Jonah,” she told him at last. “You’re the only brother he has to look after him. You should go back to Scotland.”
He kept his emotions shielded, as if he sensed her rejection. With a nod, he answered, “So be it.”
He started to walk away, when it occurred to her that she likely would not see him again. The thought was a startling blow, and she blurted out, “Are you leaving right now?”
“Within the fortnight,” he told her. “I’ve a few things I must do here, and then I’ll go.”
She shouldn’t have been so relieved to hear it, but she couldn’t understand the muddled feelings inside her. She didn’t want thisman—truly, she didn’t. Why, then, did he cause such strong reactions in her?
She pushed the thoughts away and straightened her spine. “Thank you for all that you’ve done for me and my family.” Without his help, they never could have come this far. “I’ll see to it that you’re paid extra for this last delivery. And if you find any of the MacKinlochs who can be trusted, tell them—”
“No.” He cut her off. “If you’re wanting to find my replacement in Scotland, you’ll have to come and visit yourself.”
She understood, then, what he was saying. He wanted her to join him there, in the Highlands where there were no ballrooms or palaces. No barriers between them except her own inhibitions.
“I can’t,” she said softly. And he knew it. She met his gaze for a long moment, uncertain of what else to say.
“I’m no good at all for you,” he agreed.
Without warning, he took her face between his hands and captured her mouth in a dark kiss that left her reeling. “And that’s why you like me so well.”
“Remind me again why I’ve agreed to do this?” Lord Castledon inquired.
Amelia hid her smile, for the earl looked as if he’d rather be anywhere except at the tailor’s. “Because you promised to pay the forfeit when I won the game.” She took his arm as he accepted the brown paper package that contained several waistcoats in different colors.
“I still don’t understand how you managed to order all of this on my behalf.” He fumbled with the ties on the paper.
She shrugged. “It wasn’t difficult. I simply wrote a note, pretending to be you, and I had my footman deliver it to the tailor. Isaid he should use whatever measurements he already had. They were quite willing to make them for you.” She shot him a pointed look. “Somehow I rather thought you’d refuse, if I left it in your hands. And if you are serious about finding a bride, you need to abandon your mourning attire.”
Lord Castledon said nothing to that but inspected the contents of the package before handing it over to his footman. With a grimace, he said, “I suppose I should be grateful that you didn’t choose orange.”
Amelia decided that was his way of admitting the colors weren’t bad. She had selected dark blue, forest green, cream, and buff for the various waistcoats. “I could have ordered purple. But I am glad you were willing to try another color besides black.”
They were joined by her maid as they continued toward her father’s carriage, where Margaret had agreed to join them. Although it might seem that her sister was to be their chaperone, in reality, it was the reverse.
The early summer day was bright and the skies were a bold blue, unlike the dismal rainy days of April. Amelia leaned back, welcoming the sun on her face. “This is the sort of day that makes me want to take off my shoes and stockings and wade into the Serpentine.”
The earl looked uneasy at her statement. “Your family would be appalled.”
She knew it, and beamed at him. “Which is why it would be great fun.” When he sent her a sidelong look, she added, “Oh, don’t worry. I may be impulsive, but I’m notthatfoolish.”
“I wouldn’t put it past you.” But he offered her his arm and walked alongside her.
Amelia tried to ignore the strange rush at the feeling of her arm in his. Being this close to him shouldn’t be any different fromwalking alongside a brother. And yet, she couldn’t deny that her pulse had quickened, as if he made her nervous.
Which was silly. He was going to marry her sister, if she could manage it.
“I know you and Margaret will get on quite well,” she said. “She will make an excellent wife for you.”
“But would she make a good stepmother for Christine?” he countered. “That is far more important to me.”
