Tamsin didn’t seem to have a problem with what Nic was.He definitely didn’t seem to have a problem with what Nic had done.Every time Nic brought it up to try to convince him to leave him alone, Tamsin found an excuse.First, it was how young Nic was, then that Nic had decided to help the village instead of fighting them.He’d betrayed Parrish and had put himself in danger for them.
Nic couldn’t deny that.If he hadn’t been caught and imprisoned, he would have been dead right now.Parrish wouldn’t have allowed him to walk around after betraying him.He might still die, but something told him that he wouldn’t.
Tamsin wouldn’t allow that to happen.It didn’t matter how many times Nic told him that he should let it go and ignore their bond.He knew that Tamsin wouldn’t.
He wouldn’t, either, if he felt it would be good for Tamsin.Nothing good could come out of their bond, though.If people found out, they’d push Tamsin to take a step back, just like Nic was.They’d tell him he deserved better, and they’d be right.The clan leaders would probably tell Tamsin that they couldn’t allow a relationship between them.
Not that Nic wanted a relationship.It was the worst thing he could think of, considering the circumstances and the place he was in.
Had Tamsin talked to anyone about their bond?Had he told the clan leaders?Had he told his friends?Or was he keeping all of that a secret because he didn’t know how to announce that Fate had paired him with a Kudlak who’d almost caused the village and the clan to be decimated?
Nic squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his head harder into the pillow.He needed to go to sleep.He wished he could, but every time he closed his eyes, he started thinking in circles.The more he tried not to think about Tamsin, the more he thought about him, and when he didn’t, his focus went back to Parrish.
The man really was a monster.Nic had never killed anyone, but the same couldn’t be said about Parrish.He’d been killing for decades, and he didn’t show any signs that he’d stop anytime soon.If anything, now that he knew where Rowan and his clan were, he wanted to kill them more than ever.
And Nic had almost helped him do that.
Nic remembered his parents.He hadn’t seen them in years, but suddenly, his mother was in front of him.He reached out for her, feeling like a little kid again, but she couldn’t see him because she had her back to him.She was standing in the kitchen of the house where Nic had grown up, doing something at the sink.Nic took a step forward, but before he could throw himself at her legs like he used to do when he was a child, she turned.Nic’s smile vanished when he saw the blood dripping from the wound on her neck.Her eyes were open, her gaze vacant, but she still reached for Nic.
He sucked in a breath and took a step back.He bumped against something, and he turned, needing to leave, only to find himself in front of his father.His father, whose arm looked like it had been ripped off.He was carrying it in his remaining hand, his mouth open on what had to be a scream.Nic couldn’t hear it over the sound of his own scream, though.
“Nic!”someone said.At the same time, something squeezed Nic’s shoulder hard.He yelled and sat up, frantically looking around.Tamsin stood next to his bed, his hands raised, a frown on his face.
“I think you were having a nightmare,” he said gently.
Nic felt like he still was.It took him a second to remember where he was and why.He wasn’t back in the home where he’d grown up.He hadn’t been back there since he was six.He wasn’t even sure he’d be able to find the house again, even if he tried.
And God, he wanted to try.He wanted his parents back.He wanted to go home.
He didn’t have a home anymore.He hadn’t had one in years.
“I’m fine,” he croaked.
Tamsin arched a brow.“You’re not, and that’s okay.I’m not going to ask for details about whatever you were dreaming about.We all have nightmares, and they’re very personal.”
Nic laughed, but it wasn’t a happy sound.“Your nightmares are because of people like me.”
Tamsin cocked his head.“Aren’t your nightmares the same?”
Nic supposed he was right, in a way.His parents had been killed by Krnisks, who, just like Kudlaks, could be ruthless when it came to the fight between their two species.
Nic rubbed his face.He was disgustingly sweaty, and his mate was standing there, looking like he wanted to hug him.Nic had to make sure he didn’t.
He didn’t want Tamsin to hug him.If his mate tried, Nic was afraid he’d break and start crying.He’d already shown enough vulnerabilities since he’d arrived here.He needed to be careful.He didn’t want to think that Tamsin would use anything he said against him—and even if he did, Nic would deserve it—but he felt raw and vulnerable.
“I just want to help,” Tamsin murmured.
Nic felt the mattress dip and knew that his mate had sat down.He wasn’t touching him, but he was too close, and Nic didn’t know how to deal with that.“You can’t,” he murmured.“There’s nothing you can do to help me.You should let me go.”
“I can’t do that.”
“I’m really sorry you were saddled with a mate like me.You deserve better.”
“How do you know?You don’t know me.You don’t know what I deserve.”
“I know that anyone deserves better than me.Anyone deserves better than a stupid young Kudlak who messed up as badly as I did.I don’t know why Devon is willing to give me a second chance, and I’m grateful for it, but I feel it would be better if your clan leaders finally made a decision about me.”Nic pulled on the sheets he was lying under, dragging them closer to his body.“I just want to know what happens next.”
“Well, as far as I’m concerned, Nic, you should wash up and eat something.”
