“I’m afraid you feel that you don’t have a choice,” Nic said as he looked away.“I know that we’re mates, but I wouldn’t blame you for not wanting to bond with me.If by some miracle, we both survive what comes next, you’ll be saddled with me for the rest of your life.You can still walk away now, because we’re not bonded, but you won’t be able to do that once we are.It’s not fair to you, but it might be the only way to save the clan.”
Tamsin shook his head.“This has nothing to do with not wanting to bond with you.It’s the way this is happening.I don’t want either of us to feel like we have to do this because, like you said, there’s no going back.We’ll have to live with this bond for the rest of our very long lives if we do this, and I don’t want you to ever regret that.I don’t want you to regretme.”
Nic doubted he’d ever feel that way.“How could I?I realize how lucky I am to be your mate.You, on the other hand, could have so much better.You should have someone who hasn’t spent most of his life working with the bad guy because he was scared.I should’ve stood up to Parrish.I should have left.I stayed for much longer than I should have, and I’ll always regret that.”Nic didn’t say that he should’ve tried to stop Parrish because he knew he would’ve died if he had.Maybe he should have, though.The clan wouldn’t be in this situation if he’d managed to kill Parrish.
Not that he’d ever be able to do that.Parrish was too strong.
“I don’t care about any of that, Nic.You had no choice.He raised you after you lost your parents.What were you supposed to do?”
“Stand up to him as soon as I realized what he was doing.I didn’t.”
“For good reasons.He would have hurt you if you’d stood up to him.You said that he hurts his mate, and she should be the most important person in his life.How easy would it have been for him to hurt you?How easy was it for him to do it because I’m sure he did.You did what you had to do to protect yourself and to survive, and no one should blame you for that.I certainly don’t.”
Logically, Nic understood, and he even agreed.He couldn’t stop thinking about how much of a coward he’d been, though.He’d seen people standing up to Parrish.It hadn’t ended well for them, but they’d still done it.Maybe that was what Nic should have done instead of going along with Parrish’s plan.Instead, he’d betrayed Devon and had almost caused the village to be destroyed.Why would Tamsin want to be with him considering all of that?
Tamsin sighed and reached out for Nic’s hand.Nic watched as he linked their fingers together, still unable to believe that he could have this, that he could haveTamsin.
“I do want to bond with you,” Tamsin said.“You’re my mate, and I’ve wanted you since the moment I realized what you were to me.I just don’t want either of us to regret doing this so quickly and for the wrong reasons.”
“Wouldyouregret it?”
“I don’t think so.I can’t make promises when it comes to the future, of course, but I want to be with you.I tried telling you.”
“And I repeatedly pushed you away.”
“Only to declare you’d bond with me for the good of the clan in front of our clan leaders,” Tamsin said with a little snort.“You could’ve warned me.”
“How?Besides, I didn’t know about this until Clay and Rowan came.I never really thought about Parrish’s mate.”But he should have.He could too easily imagine the horrors Parrish was putting his mate through, and he wanted to help her.He just wasn’t sure how or if he could.
“It’s just that you clearly didn’t want to bond with me before, but now, you’re suddenly all in,” Tamsin said.“I don’t want you to regret it next year or ten years from now.”
“I won’t.I do want to bond with you.I felt like it was selfish to do so just because of that, so I guess that helping the clan gives me an excuse.I want someone to belong with, though.I want a family, and you’re the only one who can be that for me.You’re the only one Iwantto be that for me.”
Nic needed Tamsin to understand that.Of course he wanted to bond with him.It was Tamsin who shouldn’t want to bond with Nic.
Nic leaned forward and pressed their lips together.It was fast, but he’d always cherish the memory of their first kiss, especially the way Tamsin blinked at him when he leaned back.“I want you,” he said.“In whatever way I can have you.I realize it’s selfish to want to bond with you, and you shouldn’t want to bond with me, but this is the situation we’re in.Bonding could help the clan.”
“What if it doesn’t?What if we bond, and it doesn’t help?Will you regret it then?”
Nic kissed Tamsin again, more slowly this time.He was relieved when Tamsin leaned against him.He could feel his mate surrender, and he wanted that.“I’ll never regret bonding with you,” Nic murmured.He leaned back so they could look each other in the eye.“Because at the end of the day, I’ll have you by my side, no matter what happens.I want to help the clan, but I want you more.Maybe it’s selfish, but I do.”
Tamsin was silent for a long moment before he nodded.“Then maybe we can be selfish together.”
* * * *
TAMSIN WAS INCREDIBLYconfused, but in the end, it didn’t matter.His mate wanted to bond with him.That was all he cared about, and he wanted to give Nic what he wanted.It might be for the wrong reasons, but did that change anything?They were mates.They were fated to be together, and Tamsin was sure that no matter how it happened, they’d make it work.
So, if Nic wanted him, he could have him.This wasn’t how Tamsin had imagined his bonding would go, but then, he’d never imagined any of this—that he’d lose his birth clan, that he’d find another one, that Kudlaks would still be a danger for him decades after losing his family.This was his chance to be happy.He didn’t know what the future would bring and what Parrish would do, but there was a chance that none of them would survive the fight with the Kudlaks.Tamsin wasn’t going to miss his opportunity to have time with his mate before that fight happened.He wasn’t going to say no to Nic.
He couldn’t have, even if he’d wanted to.
This time,hewas the one who leaned forward to kiss Nic.He felt Nic’s lips curl into a smile, and he pressed harder, wanting more.They’d barely spoken to each other a few times, yet they were already bonding.It was a massive step forward, and he wasn’t quite ready for the step that usually went with it.He wanted to get to know Nic before they fell into bed together.Maybe it was ridiculous considering they were about to bond, but he wanted at least that experience to come on their own terms.
He could tell that Nic thought that he couldn’t have him in normal circumstances.Nic felt like a monster who didn’t deserve happiness, and he was behaving as if this was his only chance to have it.He seemed to truly believe that Tamsin wouldn’t want anything to do with him if it wasn’t for Parrish, and Tamsin wasn’t sure how to convince him otherwise.He suspected that only time would show Nic that he wanted to be, and in the meantime, the bond would carry them.
Nic would be able to feel how Tamsin felt about him once they were bonded.He’d know that Tamsin wasn’t only doing this to save the clan.He was doing it because he wanted Nic, and if this was the only way he could have him for now, he’d take it.Hopefully, this would give them more time and some peace, and it would help defeat Parrish.They might not be doing this the right way, but was there a right way when it came to bonding and mates?Or was it more important to be together and figure things out?The way they were bonding didn’t matter as much as the fact that theywerebonding.
Tamsin took a step back before he did something they’d both end up regretting.Nic blinked, chasing Tamsin’s mouth, which made Tamsin chuckle.If they were going to do this, though, he wanted to get it out of the way.It wasn’t the romantic bonding he’d thought he’d have, but he didn’t really care.He just wanted to be bonded to this man.
