“Nothing. I think you can do better, that’s all.”
“Guys aren’t knocking down the door, Liam,” I grumble. “In case you haven’t noticed.”
“What’s the big rush to meet someone?” He scowls. “You just moved here. Why don’t you get settled in more before you go looking for… love… or whatever?”
“Why would I have to wait? I… I just want to have what everyone else gets to have. Is that so wrong of me?” I ask hoarsely. “You have Kara, and that’s great. But I want someone too.”
He winces. “Of course you should have someone special in your life, if that’s what you want.”
“Why wouldn’t I want that?” I mutter. “I get lonely just like anyone else.”
He grimaces. “Fair enough. I’m sorry, Jude.”
I sigh and say softly, “It’s okay.”
He’s quiet for a minute. “Look, I realize things are fucked up between us because of me. I know that, okay? I know I’m the one who screwed everything up.” He pinches the skin between his eyes, head lowered. “I feel like you’re pulling away from me and… I don’t want to lose you… your friendship.”
“I don’t want to lose that either.”
“I’ll do better.” He looks up and there’s the hint of a smile on his lips. “You sure you want to be my friend? I can be kind of an asshole sometimes.”
“I noticed,” I say, but smile to soften the words. “But, yeah, I want to be your friend still.” I don’t let myself think about what I really want from him. That’s never going to happen. I have to accept what he can give me.
“Good,” he says.
He holds my gaze and there’s frustration in his eyes. He’s struggling, and seeing that softens me a bit. Even if he’s in denial about himself, he doesn’t know how to be any different. He saw one path for himself and he’s stubbornly sticking to it. He has a right to want the life he wants. Ultimately, I think he’ll end up unfulfilled because he’s giving into his fears instead of going after what he wants. But it’s his life. It’s his decision.
“I’m not at my best either,” I say. “I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
Something unpleasant flickers in his eyes, but he remains silent.
I pick up the book I was trying to read, and tuck it under my arm. “I think I’m going to do a little reading and go to bed early.”
Disappointment shifts across his features, but he simply nods. “Have a good night, Jude. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“You too.” I head upstairs, feeling his gaze between my shoulder blades.
I don’t know if we can fix what’s broken. Probably not. It was a miracle I even had his friendship for a short time. The last few weeks, because of Liam, I felt like I belonged to something. Maybe even someone.
I didn’t.
I won’t leave Golden Peak, because I like it here. But things will most likely go back to how they’ve always been. I’m a lone wolf for a reason, and the sooner I accept that the better off I’ll be.
Chapter Fourteen
Liam
Jude goes out with Ben TuesdayandWednesday. He always comes home, which brings me some relief, but I can smell the other shifter on him. The scent of that other wolf agitates me. It eats at me every time I get a whiff. I’m confused by why it bothers me. I resent my body’s reaction, even as I have no way to control it.
When he again sees Ben on Thursday, I have to work hard not to say something. I mean, he just met the guy. Why is he seeing him almost every damn night? They can’t possibly be serious about each other that quickly, right?
I’m especially irked when he doesn’t get home until almost 1:00 a.m. on Thursday. I don’t examine too closely why it is I always know what time he gets home from his dates with Ben. I tell myself I’m a light sleeper and that’s why I hear the front door opening and the soft pad of his footsteps as he passes my bedroom door. I reassure myself I’m simply a concerned friend.
Friday night, Kara comes over and we cook dinner together. Jude doesn’t join us, opting instead to eat a sandwich up in his room. I know he’s trying to give us privacy. He’s very considerate about doing that for us. Plus, Kara isn’t always as nice as she could be to him, and it’s probably easier to just avoid her.
Kara is in a great mood tonight because she closed a big sale, and she’s being affectionate and funny. I try to match her energy. While dinner cooks in the oven, I open a nice bottle of wine, light the fireplace, put on music she likes. I’m the attentive boyfriend, trying to do everything right.
We’re snuggling on the couch when Jude comes downstairs around seven, dressed in a dark blue flannel shirt and faded jeans. His jeans fit his muscular thighs nicely, and even from a distance I smell his clean scent mingled with his spicy cologne. As I study him, it sinks in that he’s dressed as if he’s going out on a date. As that realization hits, something in my chest clenches uncomfortably.
