These last few weeks have passed in a blur. Kayden has spent more timeawayfrom Eden than he hasatEden. I know he has important things to take care of, especially with this Andrei guy looking for me, but hell if I don’t miss him. Most times, he comes back in the middle of the night, pulling me close in bed and placing a kiss on my shoulder. Each morning he’s gone, and a single daisy lies on the nightstand. If I needed any more evidence that Kayden is my stalker, it’d be slapping me in the face. I still haven’t brought it up. I don’t think I’m ready to face it just yet.
With him gone most of the time and the conversation put on the back burner, there hasn’t been much to do. I’ve been spending my time reading with Amzee; his men brought her that same night we arrived. I was so relieved that she was safe that I collapsed in tears. They brought my phone as well, allowing me to talk with Melody. Kayden suggested I tell her he took me on a spontaneous trip, and she was ecstatic to say the least.
As far as Eden as a whole, it’s been busy. There’s been an influx of new arrivals, evidence that Kayden is hard at work taking down the trafficking rings.
If this experience has taught me anything though, it’s that I am not OK with being thrust back into danger. My anxiety has been sky high, mainly worried about Kayden each time he leaves, and my coping skills have been severely lacking. Once I told Kayden how I felt a few nights ago, he moved me into his flat on the second floor, and honestly, I’m not complaining. His cedar and cinnamon scent lingers in his pillows when I go to sleep alone, and oddly enough, it settles me. In addition to that, Dr. Crawford caught me in the dining hall the next day and pulled me into his office to get my medications adjusted. Jackie also cornered me for some therapy sessions—go figure.
I’ve been healing nicely and cleared to resume normal activities after a repeat CT scan yesterday. A part of me hopes Kayden will stop treating me like I’m fragile and broken now. The part of me that longs for his touch, his roughness—his darkness. But another part of me is nervous to engage sexually again and with his darkness, nervous to fall harder and deeper than I already have, because ultimately, I have doubts.
I’ve had a lot of time to contemplate everything, and as much as I’ve come to realize how important these missions are to Kayden, how he has a sense of purpose, I don’t think I’m cut out for this life. Not only does it bring up my own past traumas, but the fear of Kayden not returning each night has frayed my nerves. This man, who has haunted my dreams for far longer than I care to admit, has barreled back into my life and taken up residence in my heart. The thought alone scares me, but I think in the back of my mind, I always knew Kayden held a pretty significant portion of my heart. It’s why whenever I went on dates I was always comparing their eyes to those ocean blues that held me captivated all those years ago.
Regardless, my soul is tired and longs for a peaceful life—a simple life. At this point, I don’t care if that means I waitress for the rest of my existence, so long as I’m not constantly looking over my shoulder. But I don’t think I can have that type of life being with Kayden.
The thought brings tears to my eyes, because I don’t know how to have both. I don’t think it’s possible, really. I let loose a sigh and drop my head into my hands, my palms digging into my eyes until I see spots. I just want all of this to be over. I don’t want to give him up.
The sound of footsteps on the other side of the door has me tensing, but I relax when I look up and see Kayden pop his head through before making his way into the room.
“Hey, spitfire. It’s late, why aren’t you sleeping?” he asks, closing the door behind him.
“Oh, ya know, just worrying you’re dead somewhere, is all…”
He drops to his knees before me. “I’m not going anywhere. Franklin is zeroing in on Andrei’s location using the software we found on Derek’s phone. Kind of like reverse tracking. We’ve taken down a few more rings and I don’t even have a scratch on me.”
He kneads the flesh of my thighs as he speaks, and his touch calms my nerves.
“I know. It’s just the what-ifs that worry me. You’ve been lucky this far, Kayden, but you’re not invincible—you’re not a god.”
“I know, angel,” he replies, running a hand through his short black hair. “I don’t know the right words to say, hell, I’m probably making it worse, but I swear to you, Iwillfind Andrei. Iwillkill him. And Iwillensure your safety. This will be over soon. We are so close. Then it’s just you and me.”
The promise of his words sparks hope, but my previous thoughts wash it away as quickly as it came. Maybe I’m being too negative…
“Tell me what I can do to take your mind off of this.”
“I don’t know, Kayden. Everything is happening so fast. Andrei, Derek, you. It’s too much.”
Kayden leans back. “I’ve stayed away from you for three years, Dani. Three goddamn years. I refuse to stay away any longer. I know it’s a lot to take in, but I meant what I said.You’re mine. I’m not going anywhere. You can try to push me away, that brain of yours can try to convince you this won’t work, but I swear to you, Dani, I will do anything to keep you now that I have you.”
The fierceness in his eyes sets my pulse racing. He pulls my hips ’til I’m just at the edge of the bed and his body is forced between my legs. Desire courses up my spine and I argue with my brain to just shut off—to stop thinking and just enjoy the here and now.
“I see your brain thinking, spitfire,” he says as he gently lifts the edge of my shirt and rubs his thumbs along the band of my shorts, teasing and caressing until the only thought I have is of his skin on mine.
My eyes flutter closed and I release a sigh as I lean back on my elbows, allowing my shirt to lift just barely. Kayden takes advantage, pushing forward to run a hand up my stomach between my breasts, only stopping once he grasps my neck. I let out a soft moan, the pressure on each side of my throat making me temporarily see stars.
The sound of a knife flicking out has my eyes flying open. I look down at Kayden as he trails the tip of the knife along my lower stomach. Goosebumps break out over my flesh at the promise I see in his gaze. There’s darkness there, lurking in thedepths of his eyes, and a hunger that sends a chill racing down my spine.
“You, Dani, are going to forget every worry inside that pretty head of yours. Do you understand?”
I nod, refusing to take my eyes off of him. His blade digs into my hip just as he lays a kiss to my inner thigh. The pain from the knife and the swirl of his tongue along my skin has me so wet and needy, it’s all I can do not to wrap my legs around him and pull him closer.
“Kayden… please…” I whisper as I arch my back, craving more than what he’s currently giving me.
“Please, what, spitfire?”
“I need you.”
“I know.” He smirks
Pulling his hand back down my body, he grabs my shorts and thong as he goes. Leaning back, he closes my legs to pull them off before throwing them to the side. I take the opportunity to take off my shirt and bra, my nipples pebbling in the cool air.
