“List?” Ian asked.
“A list of the rules I needed to follow to be a wife,” Cassie explained. “They ran from homemaking to…” She shook her head.
Ian wanted to kill them. He had no idea what to say, so he continued to hold her and listen.
“The day I defended my dissertation, we made plans to celebrate. He said he was so happy for me. It was the first time in months he seemed like the guy I first dated. He was proud of me. That night, I met you at Mellon 21.
“I called Garett from the office. We decided to meet at his parents’ house because I needed to drop off a painting Garett’s dad purchased. We planned to take one car, have a late meal, and he would stay over. I was going to try.
“I drove to their house in Reston. I remember carrying the portrait inside, but his dad told me Garett wasn’t there; he’d left for the restaurant. He told me I was confused. I know what we said to each other, and his car was in the driveway. My apartment had one space. There was lousy street parking.”
Ian nuzzled her hair, drawing in slow and steady breaths.
“Sweetheart, was Mark in the office when you called Garett?”
“He had to be— to verify the payment.” Cassie picked up where she left off, “I placed the painting on an easel in their living room.
“His dad insisted we share a glass of champagne to celebrate the painting and my degree. He said Garett could wait. I never took a sip, I swear. Ian, I wasn’t drunk.” She slumped against him.
“I believe you.” He rubbed her back.
“The last thing I remember is standing by my car. Everything else is foggy. Muffled voices. I remember someone screaming, and I think it was me. A man was holding my hand. Another voice said, ‘Cassiopeia, be good.’ A woman told me it was necessary and would be over soon. I remember it hurting. I think I fell asleep—was stuck in a dream. Clove cigarettes and Clive Christian cologne. Moldy smells. Stale beer. Sweat. A lumpy bed. I remember their taunting: ‘Frigid bitch. She knows too much. Whore. Die, Cassiopeia.’ Everything was swirling like Munch’sThe Scream.‘Zhal, chto yey nuzhno umeret. Ona khoroshaya shlyukha.’” She shivered as goosebumps rose to the surface of her skin.
Ian translated the horrible words.It’s a pity she has to die. She’s a good whore.
“When I woke up in the hospital, Garett was sitting with me. He kept telling me how sorry he was—everything would be okay. When I asked him what happened, he said we had a fight, and I left the restaurant pissed off, but I don’t remember. The doctor told me what they found when they examined me. He told me I kept saying ‘Cassiopeia is dead.’ I was so devastated. Then, six weeks later, it got worse: I found out I was pregnant.”
Cassie let go of Ian. “When I found out, I told Garett everything. He came over when everyone was out and told me we needed to talk. More like he needed to talk, and I had to listen. He didn’t care I was upset. He said the wedding was canceled because I could never be a Whitman. I was soiled goods. If it was a real rape, I wouldn’t have conceived.” She gulped back a sob.
“He told me I wouldn’t be able to take care of him the right way. He kept saying I put out for my rapist. I told him I planned to go away, have the baby, and put it up for adoption. No one would ever know. He said my womb was sullied. It wouldn’t matter what I did. He would always see proof another man had me. And now Sebastian has made me uglier. My body is scarred.” She buried her head against Ian’s chest again. “You can have any woman you want. How could you want a woman like me?” Her breaths came in stutters.
“Cassie, please listen to me.” Ian waited for her to make eye contact. “Sweetheart, Garett and his crazy family are cruel. There are no rules for a woman in a relationship or a wife in a marriage.” His fingers slid down her cheek. “I would hope a woman in my life would choose to be with me out of desire.”
He paused to let her see his expressions. “The men who hurt you are evil. All that self-hatred should be focused on them. You are a survivor, not ‘soiled goods,’ and your womb is not sullied. You are not a whore.” He shook his head.
“Please believe me when I say you deserve so much better than you got. I’m being honest about my feelings for you. You are a beacon of light.” He pulled her close and placed a tender kiss on her lips. “You are beautiful, my sweet Cassie.”
Her body relaxed in his arms, and it felt natural to have her close to him. They sat in peace for a few minutes breathing in sync with each other.
“I know you have questions. Mother hens, Tuck and Pete, tell me you need calories. I have a brilliant idea.” He rubbed his knuckles against his chest, joined with a big smile. “I will answer your questions if you eat some pistachio gelato.” He reached into the cooler beside them and opened a pint container of her favorite treat.
“How did you know?” Cassie’s eyes twinkled in the candlelight.
“I have my ways. Ask away. We’ll go slow.” He spooned a bit and touched her nose with the green confection.
Cassie pressed her spine against the back of the lounge chair. “I need help sorting things out. In the bathroom, after I was stabbed, I felt like I was underwater. It hurt so much. I couldn’t see, and I couldn’t breathe. I heard shots; Andy said I fired twice. I don’t remember. Then it got quiet. I felt cold, and I didn’t want to die. Was it a dream? Were you there with me? I was dancing with you. You promised me I wasn’t alone. The next thing I remember is waking up in my room here. Ian, I am such a hot mess.”
“I was there, and I rode with you in the ambulance.” Ian kept his responses simple, paying attention to her body language. “You were not alone, sweetheart.”
Ian avoided talking about the bombing, but he needed answers to two questions. “When you spoke with Andy Blake, Ames told you you’d bring a good price. What do you think he meant by that?”
“I did? He called me a whore. I guess he was treating me like one. I don’t know. Maybe he wanted to sell me. He flipped out when I told him I was with the FBI.” She blew out a harsh breath.
“You told him that?”
“Yeah, that made him crazy.” She held Ian’s hand.
“One more thing, Cassie, last night, during your interview with Andy and a few minutes ago when you were talking about what happened six years ago, you fell into Russian.”
