Troy could feel his heart rate increase. “Jule?” His voice cracked.
“I’m right here, just stretching.” Julian sat again.
“You’re forty-two. Thinking about the last three months, how many times a day do you urinate?”
“Four to six. Depends on what I drink.”First question down.
“If you go too long between, any leakage?”
“Only if I’m really full. I wear trunks in case.”So far so good.He took a slow breath.
“Pre-attack, any partners?” Troy nodded. “How many?” Mac asked.
“I was sixteen the first time. Ten to twelve?”
Mac leaned in toward Troy. “I’m not coming from an insensitive place. How many women and men—include the nonconsensual. And was there any time, consensual or not, you didn’t use a condom?”
Troy focused on a spot on the wall, his eyes fogging over. He was in a cell in the Silverton jail, where a guard handed him two blue pills and a bottle of water. Though he intended to cheek the pills, the handle of the steel flashlight pounded into his gut, and he swallowed.
A wave of nausea roiled through him, and his body shook. He felt exposed and vulnerable, and tears began to fall. Swallowing hard, he managed to answer, “Ten to twelve women consensually. Four women non-consensually—four women who were in the jail. Five men who were guards. Protection with all my chosen partners and the jailed women. No protection with any of the men.”
He began to hyperventilate and sweat. His pupils dilated as another flashback exploded in his head. “Another… two men… prisoners…they wanted to. I let them. God, I let them. I didn’t fight.” Shame and disgust with himself wrapped around him like a blanket. He broke out into a cold sweat.
Julian flew off his seat and managed to get a basin into Troy’s lap. “Puke, let it go.” He placed a hand on his friend's shoulder just as Troy vomited hard into the bucket. “Troy, you’re safe. It’s a memory,” Julian cajoled. “Your choices were limited. Cooperating was self-preservation.”
Tim took the full bucket from him. Trask filled a cup with water and handed it to Dr. Novak.
“Take a sip.” Mac offered him the small cup of water.
Trask found a washcloth and towel. “Breathe.” He wiped Troy’s face and returned to his seat. Julian typed a quick text, not leaving his friend’s side.
“What do you see?” Mac slipped into his role as psychologist.
Troy’s voice was hollow. “Padded walls. Torchieres. A strange stock. Two other prisoners? They aren’t shackled. Guards. I’m handcuffed. ‘Swallow these, star...’ The guard grabs my jaw and tosses two blue pills down the back of my throat. Um, the flashlight into my gut. Someone’s behind me, and my jumpsuit is torn free. A hood is placed over my head. It’s pitch black. Don’t panic. I start to say the alphabet forwards and backwards in my head.
“A flashlight into my kidneys pushes me forward. I hit a wall. It’s... A hand grabs my dick. No... Then a mouth...Someone’s behind me...no... stop. Concentrate, listen, who are they? What are they saying? Big seller. No, can’t concentrate. Block the pain. It’s ending. Fingers won’t let up. My body responds. I don’t want this. Can’t catch my breath. The cuffs are off. A fresh jumpsuit, shackles.” Troy panted as the shakes continued to wrack his body.
“Troy, it’s Mac. It was a memory. Nothing happened today.” His voice was calm as he made sure the blanket was wrapped around Troy’s shoulders.
Troy felt a pair of hands grasp his. “Hello, my friend. It’s Beth. You are with me in the health center. It’s safe.” He felt her hand palm his cheek. “Are you able to open your eyes? I’m in front of you.”
Troy focused his eyes and wrapped his arms around her. "Shh, I won’t let you go until you say I can,” she said.
“Welcome back.” Julian was sitting beside him.
“How are you doing?” Mac Novak stood leaning against the wall.
Troy, still shaking, released Elizabeth Bailey. “I’m sorry.” His breathing remained fast and shallow as he looked at her. “I’ve never talked about that before. I blocked it out.” Troy picked up the cup and took another sip of water, his knee continuing to bounce. “I… I remembered the final attack when I was in Virginia. Ellie West and Brandon Finch warned more memories may surface. I interviewed four assault victims yesterday. Two, I won their confidence sharing with them that I was assaulted.”
“You put it into words. Beth, Julian, Trask, Martin and Tim now know this part of what happened. How do you feel?” Mac asked.
“Exhausted,” Troy admitted. His eyes scanned the room. Until that moment, he didn’t see Martin standing by the door, his right hand over his heart.
“I want you to go home and get some sleep. We can pick up the questions tomorrow,” Mac said.
Troy pulled the blanket tighter around himself. “Doc, I can’t see the questions getting harder. It will take some of the other anxiety away,” Troy pleaded. “Beth, please stay. You too.” He looked toward Martin with watery eyes.
“We are going to take this slow. If I call an end, that’s it.” Novak pressed his lips together. “When you were in jail, were you forced to take something each time?”
