“Then maybe…” Sage says carefully, “… he’s not Derek. Maybe he’s just a guy who made a really fucking stupid mistake because he was scared of losing you.”
“He lied to me for months, Sage.”
“I know.” She reaches over and squeezes my hand. “And that’s not okay. I’m not saying it’s okay. But I am saying that people make mistakes, even people who love us. Even people we love.”
I want to argue.
I want to be angry, righteous, and justified in my hurt.
But underneath the anger, underneath the betrayal and the pain, there’s something else.
Love.
I still love him.
And that might be the worst part of all.
My phone, which I finally turned back on, buzzes with a new message. I glance at the screen.
Nitro the nice Uber Guy:I’m not going to push. I’m giving you the space you asked for. But please know that I love you. That’s never been a lie. And I will wait as long as it takes for you to believe that.
I read it three times before setting the phone face down on the sofa.
“What did he say?” Sage asks.
“That he loves me.”
“Do you believe him?”
I close my eyes. Think about the way he looks at me. The way he touches me, like I’m something precious. The way he listens when I talk, really listens, as if every word matters. The way he saved that crumpled-up burger wrapper from the first night we met, keeping it in his wallet like it is some kind of talisman.
“I don’t know,” I say.
But that’s a lie.
I do believe him.
I just don’t know if love is enough when trust is broken.
“Stay here as long as you need,” Sage says, curling up next to me on the couch. “We’ll figure this out. Together.”
I lean my head on her shoulder, the weight of the day finally catching up to me.
Damon Blackwell.
My Nitro is Damon Blackwell.
And I have no idea what the hell I’m supposed to do with that information.
All I know is that tonight, I’ll sleep at Sage’s.
And tomorrow, I’ll have to figure out if the man I fell in love with is real, or if he was just another beautiful lie in a long line of beautiful lies.
The thought makes my chest ache.
Because despite everything, despite the anger, the hurt, and the betrayal, there’s a part of me that already knows the answer.
He was real.
