Just one of his fingers makes me grit my teeth. He kisses me, reminding me to breathe, and the second one isn’t so bad. But then there’s a third. I suck in a breath and he looks worried. I reassure him with a whisper and a long, deep kiss.
He puts me on my right and lies behind me. Rain pecks the sides of the cabin and the windows. It’s nearly dusk. I try to make myself remember it. Like that sunset long ago, plunging in, seeing it always.
For the longest time, he just kisses my neck, his hard length nestled against my ass. I start to get impatient.
He gets more Vaseline. Then he puts an arm around me. I pull a knee to my chest.
He’s careful and he’s slow. I get to a point where I either want to tell him to stop or beg him to never. I didn’t think it would be like this. His breath is heavy against my neck, and I feel opened and exposed and vulnerable in a way I never have been before. He pauses, asks if I’m okay, and I nod. For eons it seems there’s just the sound of the rain and our stilted stuttering breaths. Then I feel his hips against me, resting. His chest against my back, a heart pounding. I turn my head to him.
His lips brush the shell of my ear and in an exhale, he says, “Baby…”
The timbre of this voice makes my heart expand. The tender kiss he places on my shoulder makes my heart almost burst. There’s no way I can’t be a fool after this. I will be silly, and stupid, and I will follow him anywhere. A stumbling fool if there ever was.
He starts to move, just as painstakingly slow as he entered me. It stretches, it burns, but he rubs that pleasurable place I found myself not too long ago. I reach behind me and grab his hip. His thrusts are measured, controlled, but his groans are deep and animal, reverberating against my ribs. My brain tries to wrap around the concept that he’s inside me. That he isn’t just fucking me, like those two fellas in the picture. The concept, the physicality, ping-pongs around in my mind, finding no escape, no net to be caught in. And soon, I hear my own voice, desperate and crying out.
His thrusts get quicker and my fingers dig into his hip. Both his arms are around me, and I don’t know where to go with all of it. I want to remember everything. The sweat between us, the erratic roll of his hips as he gets close, the one more “baby” he whimpers before he comes, trembling, a warmth pooling inside me.
The two breaths he takes before he’s fisting my cock, getting me off, and I nearly black out as I come all over his hand.
“I didn’t hurt you?”
I perch my head on my hand, from where I’m lying across him, and I shake my head.
There’s a shade of doubt in his eyes.
“I mean, I think I’ll be, you know, sore…”
He lays a hand over my behind. “It goes away.”
“I know.” Although I don’t.
His head sinks back against the pillow. I lay my ear to his breastbone and hear the steady thud-thud-thud, rhythmic and peaceful.
Then his voice rumbles, “You surprise me sometimes.”
I look at him. He’s staring at the ceiling.
“Why’s that?” I try to think of what I could have done. Or said. Was it not being able to swim? My mother’s song? I’m near frantic.
“Maybe that’s not the right word.” He tucks an arm under his head, his gaze a straight line into mine. “I just meant — you’re really something special. You know that?”
“Really?”
He turns his body, so we’re facing each other. His fingers curl across my cheek, down my neck, a finger resting at the hollow of my throat. My pulse beats against it.
“You have no idea.” His lips barely move.
“So are you,” I say. “Special. To me.” I wince at my clumsiness.
His smile is everything. And his arms around me, embracing.
It almost spills out in a rush:You’re more than special. You’re everything to me. I want to know you. Everything about you. Please tell me. I want to give you things. I want to take you places. I want to tell you all my thoughts. I want to be with you, by your side, never let you go, have your trust. Hold it close to my heart, treasure it. I…
I let my unfinished thought hang between us like a fractured melody.
His arms are warm, firm. Strong.
I sink into them like a heavy metal.
