‘I see.’ Her uncle clasped his hands and pressed his thumbs together and there was a long silence, punctuated by the tick of the new coals settling in the brazier. ‘This is all hearsay though,’ he said at length. ‘Your “husband” – if such he is – is away fighting, rather than remaining to protect you. Surely he could have stayed and stood by his oath if it meant that much to him.’
‘He has gone in order to do penance for his soul and to make a clean breast of his sins.’ Jeanette was dismayed at her uncle’s argument, which set ablaze the doubt in her own mind. Her throat had tightened with panic and her voice was emerging as a quiver. ‘He will return for me. He promised.’
‘Ah, young men and their promises.’ Her uncle shook his head sadly. ‘It is unfortunate that the other male witnesses are with him in the service of God. One might think it a lucky escape for him, from consequences and responsibility.’
‘No, it is not that!’ Her voice was heated in Thomas’s defence. ‘And it still leaves my maid Hawise, and the friar who officiated!’
‘So it does.’ Her uncle rubbed his jaw. ‘Well then, we shall have to see, but from what your mother says, it would appear that this so-called marriage of yours would not stand up in any court of law in this land. Your “husband” has thought better of his sins and has disappeared to cleanse himself in the holy wars. You would do best for everyone’s sake to stay quiet and do as your mother bids you.’
She stared at him, aghast. ‘You do not believe me! You would rather believe my mother? I swear to you on my soul that I am married, and furthermore that the marriage was consummated many times over. I am no virgin.’
Her uncle’s complexion turned dusky and he looked at her with a curl of disgust. ‘If such is the case, it only confirms it was a union to facilitate base lust. I know exactly what these young bucks at court are like. You will put this behind you and do as you are bidden for the good of all, especially yourself.’
Jeanette’s stomach churned. ‘It was not like that. We were truly married in love and honour. Will you go against God’s law?’
‘I shall go with the law of honour and common sense,’ he said tautly. ‘I do not believe that this marriage you claim was any more than an excuse for licentiousness. Friars are renownedfor their complicity in such matters in return for the right fee. I doubt the man was even ordained.’
‘Itwasa true marriage!’ Jeanette’s voice rose and cracked. ‘Would you send your own niece into the lion’s den because it is easier than hearing the truth? You have no right, and I will not come to the altar. I refuse to be a part of your schemes!’
Tight-faced, her uncle stood up. ‘Your mother spoke the truth – there is no sense in you. You are defying her authority and mine, and we are your guardians. You shall remain here and think upon your behaviour, and when I return I hope you will have a different reply for me. Your mother says you have been over-indulged at court and that too much rich food and luxury has affected you, and I am inclined to agree. A diet of gruel and water shall sustain you for now.’
‘That shall suit me very well, uncle, and I shall not change my answer,’ Jeanette retorted. ‘I am lawfully married to Thomas Holland, and when he returns, he shall claim me.’
‘I doubt that very much,’ he said grimly, and banged from the room exactly as her mother had done. Again, she heard the key grate in the lock.
Several hours passed and no one came. Jeanette paced the room back and forth like a caged lioness. Perhaps they intended to weaken her by thirst and starvation. Let them. She would never give in.
Eventually the door was unlocked, and Agnes, her mother’s chamber lady, entered the room. She was an older woman with a whiskery chin and a severe attitude. The tray she carried held a bowl of gruel and a stone jug of water, exactly as her uncle had promised. Outside, a serjeant stood guard, making it clear she had no chance of escape.
‘Where is my own lady?’ Jeanette demanded. ‘What have you done with Hawise?’
Agnes set down the tray on the trestle. ‘Your mother has taken her into her own charge,’ she said. ‘I am to serve you for now, and the Countess of Salisbury shall assign you new ladies once you are wed.’
Jeanette stared at her, horrified, feeling as if she had been punched in the stomach. ‘I want Hawise!’
‘That is not possible.’ Agnes gave her a narrow look. ‘Your mother will come to you shortly to take you to pray.’ The maid performed a perfunctory curtsey and departed.
Jeanette glared at the tray, her fear sharpening. Hawise had been her companion and attendant since they were small girls. Even given their difference in rank, Hawise being a yeoman’s daughter, in many ways they were as close as sisters. Not having her to confide in and lean upon was like having a hole in her side. Without her there was no one to understand and help ease her situation. And Hawise too might be in danger for what she knew.
Ignoring the gruel and water, Jeanette went to the thin window slit, inhaled the bitter winter air, and felt that same chill in her soul.
A week later, Jeanette was still locked in her room on the same diet. She had taken to eating what they gave her, in order to have the strength to resist. The only time she was permitted to leave the chamber was to attend church with her mother under close guard. Kneeling to pray, she pleaded with God to bring Thomas home on the next ship. In the desolate hours of solitary confinement, she even started to blame him for leaving her and forcing her to deal with this situation on her own.
Her mother had provided her with a pile of sewing, but she had thrown it in a corner and refused to look at it. She cried for her dog and her horse, and for Frederick, and her anger festered and grew.
Four days before the wedding, on the eve of travelling to Langley, her mother visited outside the usual prayer times. She held a piece of parchment in her hand and her expression was almost triumphant. She sat down at the small table opposite Jeanette. ‘I am not here today to force you into something you do not wish, or even to reason with you,’ she announced. ‘I know such a thing is beyond our abilities, so I must leave it to God and his angels.’
‘Then why are you here?’ Jeanette asked. ‘To torment me?’
Margaret sighed wearily. ‘You may believe your uncle and I are monsters, but truly we are not. We want the best for everyone.’
Jeanette looked away, steeling herself for the next onslaught.
‘You continue to maintain that you were married to Thomas Holland, but young girls are so easily duped. I will not argue with you, for that ground will yield no harvest. What I have come to say is that the point is moot, for Thomas Holland has been killed in battle – God rest his soul. Even if you were married, which I doubt, the union no longer stands, for you are a widow.’
Jeanette shot her focus back to her mother as the words slowly penetrated. ‘No! You are lying. I would know if Thomas was dead!’
‘And how would you know?’ Margaret demanded. ‘Have you heard from him? I think not. You were always a means to an end for that young man, and now he is no more.’
