‘And will you look on me with favour too, or am I chasing my tail?’
‘I love you, Thomas.’ It was simple. It should be a joyful cause for celebration, but the moment they shared their marriage with the world, they would become doomed lovers instead of secret ones. ‘But how shall we be husband and wife unless we let it be known? And if we let it be known, what will then happen to us?’
From nearby they heard the sound of two youths in conversation, and she realised the danger in which they stood, just for so small a thing.
He let out a hard sigh. ‘Return to the Queen, and stay with her ladies,’ he said. ‘We are setting out to war again within a few days. Perhaps there will be time for even greater deeds than at Sluys.’ Taking her right hand, he placed a large, rough-cut ruby in her palm, scratched and opaque on the outside but with a glowing red centre. ‘This stands for my heart,’ he said. ‘Take it and keep it safe. It came from a treasure chest on a French ship, and it is part of my claim on the booty given to me by the King. I was going to have it made into a pendant for you to wear around your neck. We shall talk again when I return from campaign, should I be fortunate to survive, and then we shall see where we stand, and I shall speak my case to the King. We are married in the eyes of God, and that is a holy sacrament. I shall not give you up.’
He bowed stiffly and walked away. She watched the graceful motion of his body, and her heart almost broke. The rough edges of the stone were sharp as she closed her fist over it before stowing it in the alms purse at her belt and going outside to Hawise.
‘They will wonder what has taken you so long,’ Hawise said.
‘I shall say I have been at prayer. In truth I do not care whether they wonder or not. I have told him about the child. We are saying nothing of our marriage until he returns from the next campaign – there is no urgency now, is there?’ She walked off briskly, making it clear she did not wish to say anything else for she was hollow inside.
Their return was greeted with a few sharp queries from Katerine’s maid about the length of their absence, but Katerine herself was sleeping, and Jeanette murmured in a subdued voice that she had remained at prayer, because she had felt the need, and the moment of danger passed.
Thomas sat down at the trestle table in his lodging and sent his squire to fetch bread and cheese.
Otto, who had been checking their equipment, joined him at the board. ‘Have you seen her?’
‘Yes.’ Thomas rubbed his face. ‘She has lost the child,’ he said. ‘The Countess of Salisbury gave her a tisane to “balance her humours”, and she miscarried.’
‘Ah Tom, I am sorry . . .’ Otto reached out to clasp his arm. ‘So the Countess of Salisbury knows?’
Thomas grimaced. ‘About Jeanette being with child – yes, but not about the marriage. The King and Queen are still unaware beyond what they consider an ill-advised flirtation between us.’
‘Do you think the Countess will tell the King and Queen about the child?’
‘I doubt it. She was Jeanette’s chaperone and it will reflect badly on her if they find out. But the fact that she knows is a threat. She has the Queen’s ear and also the King’s because of her husband’s close friendship with him – not to mention her own.’ There were certain rumours concerning the King and Lady Salisbury that travelled like thin wisps of vapour in some corners of the court.
The squire returned with the food and a brimming jug. Thomas thanked and dismissed him.
Otto poured wine for both of them and reached for the bread. ‘What are you going to do?’
Thomas frowned. ‘That Jeanette was with child at all is the result of my own sin and dishonour – Jeanette’s too, but she is less to blame than I am. I knew what I was doing and I yielded to temptation instead of walking away. We both know we dare not reveal our marriage to the King and Queen at this point without damaging consequences.’
‘So, you are both going to pretend nothing happened?’ Otto chewed and swallowed. ‘That will have its consequences too, brother.’
‘Yes, but for now it is the wisest course to take. I shall be absent on campaign for at least another month, so nothing can be done before then, and perhaps it should be longer than that.’ He took some bread himself but made no attempt to eat it.
Otto raised a questioning brow.
Thomas sighed. ‘She is too young for the burdens that have been set on her. Even without what happened she would have been no wife for Armand d’Albret. She is like a young hawk that has been forced to fly before it has fully fledged. We are away on campaign with the King and after that he will release us from our contract until he needs us again.’ He broke the bread in half and gazed at the scattered crumbs as though they might tell the future. ‘I have a mind to take the cross and go to Bavaria. I shalluse my profession in God’s service to atone for my sins for a year and a day. Should God grant me the grace to return from that undertaking, then perhaps He will also show me the road ahead. And in the meantime, Jeanette will have had time to grow her wings.’
Otto shook his head. ‘That is an undertaking,’ he said doubtfully, ‘and a great risk.’
‘I have been thinking upon it for a while. I cannot continue without a clean start, and Jeanette needs time. We dare not expose our marriage for now, so I must make other plans. I know your own plans may be different. I do not expect you to accompany me.’
Otto shrugged. ‘I may not have the same burdens to carry and atonements to make as you, but every man should pay his dues to God in his life. Of course I shall ride at your side. What else would I do?’
‘Then thank you, with all my heart.’ Now it was Thomas’s turn to reach out for a hand clasp.
‘If nothing else, it will keep you away from the temptations at court for a while,’ Otto said with an attempt at humour.
‘I think I have been cured of that for life,’ Thomas replied wryly, ‘but what about you?’
‘Oh, a soldier’s life for me.’ Otto raised his cup in a toast. ‘Roll the dice and lie with a woman for tuppence, rather than the price of my life.’ The smile fell from his face. ‘You are doing the right thing.’
‘I hope so,’ Thomas replied, ‘I truly do, but God help me, and God help Jeanette.’
