I shuddered at the thought. If I had to garden, I would be screwed. Hopefully, I could find what I needed at the apothecary in Illusion Square. Or rely on House. I added helping House regain its full strength to my list. Was there a way to do that while still ephemeral?
I stumbled over the word as I wrote it. Ephemeral. Temporary. A reminder that I still didn’t belong. That I still took up space I didn’t deserve.
A chill landed on my arms. I shivered when my hand moved of its own accord, adding a new item to the paper:Stop seeing yourself as small.
Whoa. That hadn’t come from me.
“Okay, Agatha, was that you?”
I watched open-mouthed as my hand added new items to the list.
Trust your instinct
Do the things that make you feel strong
Stop making lists
Well, Agatha had a sense of humor, anyway. I focused on one of the items she’d added. What made me feel strong?
I knew the answer, of course. In high school, I’d been a runner. I’d continued the hobby through college, adding weights after Gabe was born.
Working out made me feel strong. At my age, taking up running again would be difficult, but not impossible. I could start with a treadmill and weights and see what happened. Did Treater’s Way have a gym?
Duh.Magnoliaprobably had a gym in the physical therapy clinic. I added visiting Lauren to my agenda for the week.
It still nagged at me that the ward Agatha had placed on me during college never wore off. That my own carelessness in life had created such a lasting impact. Who would I be if I’d returned twenty years ago like she’d expected me to?
I closed my eyes, thinking back to that period, and earlier, when my mother died. I’d felt this same restlessness then, this same call to act. I’d emptied that pain into a man. Ray Chase. Ethan’s best friend until something happened, and they became enemies. When he left, I’d channeled this restlessness into Jeff.
I dropped my pen and stood. What would happen if I used all my energy and power to become the best damn version of myself I could be?
The thought of it sent my nervous system into overdrive. But this didn’t feel like an onset of a panic attack. It wasn’t just my soul that longed for more. My body wanted to move.
I laced up my tennis shoes and wiggled my body. I wouldn’t run, not yet, but I could take a walk. I didn’t need to wait for Lauren or the gym. I’d work up a sweat on my way to Books and Brew. Some time in Illusion Square would make me feel better.
I could find a book about witchcraft. Buy some herbs. Talk to the tree.
And clear my damn head.
I marched down the stairs and past the house. It was only then I remembered it was July and not spring. That doggone Magnolia magic. But I was too amped up to care, and before I knew it my brisk walk was a fast jog. Then a sprint.
I should have stayed home.
CHAPTER 24
Illusion Square was packed, and I was a sweaty mess. I stood amidst the smartly dressed housewives, looking like a drowned nutria. Sweat ran down my back like a waterfall. The gleaming surfaces at Books and Brew reflected my blotchy red face and haggard hair from every angle, as if I needed the reminder of how I looked.
