“I think so,” Zach answered for her. “I think if you never saw each other again, it would fade. It would take a while, though. Because of the strength, and I think because you’re not strangers. You do have feelings for her.”
Yeah, he had feelings for her. It was harder now, to untangle them from the shit pulsing through him. But he had to admit, at least to himself, that before this afternoon, he’d been falling in love. Maybe had even fallen. He’d just been determined not to rush it, to let it take its course. He snorted.
“I hurt her. When we talked on the phone.”
“She understands,” Hillary assured him.
“Doesn’t make it okay.”
“No,” Zach agreed. “But I bet she’s feeling the same guilt. For hurting you.”
“She didn’t do anything. It’s not her fault.”
“Won’t stop her from being upset thatyou’reupset.” Hillary gave a small chuckle. “It can be a stupid cycle.”
“Yeah, I bet.” He sighed, took a careful drink of the hot chocolate.
“Can you tell me what you’re afraid of?” Hillary asked gently.
He wanted to. Sort of. But he couldn’t get the words out.
Zach got up and put a hand on his shoulder. Squeezed. “I’ll be in the other room if you need me.”
Hillary came to the couch, took the mug back from him and set it on the table, then curled up next to him, wrapping her arms around him. He fell into her, accepting the comfort and support gratefully.
“I’m afraid to lose control,” he admitted finally.
“I’m not going to lie. I can see how it would feel like a loss of control. And maybe in some ways it is. For a second. For the leap of faith. But then, have you considered that together, you’ll actually have more control? Be stronger?”
No, he hadn’t considered that. He supposed it was true. Myra had already convinced him that there wasn’t anyone out there who could force him to do something he was unwilling to. But it sure as hell wouldn’t hurt to be more powerful. Unless of course he lost control, and then there would be no one to pull him back. He sighed, knowing that fear was groundless. He wasn’t suddenly going to become a monster. He’d already proved that to himself. Absent being poisoned, of course. And even then, Myra had been sure he wouldn’t have attacked her if she’d heeded his warnings.
“Are you really willing to walk away from her?”
“She was mated before, you know.”
“No, I didn’t know that.”
“It would be worse, don’t you think? Worse than losing someone to death, to have them choose not to be with you?”
“I don’t know. I think she would rather know you were alive and healthy in this world, and choosing not to be with her, than to know you were dead.”
He grunted. “Maybe.”
“It doesn’t matter though, does it? Because you love her.”
Fuck. He did. He no longer knew if he had that morning, but did it matter when he did now?
“She’s hurting, and I can fix it.”
Hillary didn’t say anything. She pulled free enough to get his drink and hand it to him. He snorted out a weak laugh and took a sip.
“I need to get to her.”
“I already looked at the flights. By the time you get to our airport, wait for the next flight, get from the other airport to Elk Creek, you could have driven there. I’ll drive.”
“She’s not in Elk Creek. I think she went to the airport. Or nearby.”
“Well, still probably faster. Maybe closer to the same, but you won’t be sitting on an airplane trying not to jump out of your skin, surrounded by dozens of strangers.”
