Her nose did that tingling thing again. “It’s hard not to. I’m not usually a wuss, but you scare me.”
His eyebrows shot up his forehead and he looked at her. “Don’t you have that backwards?”
She smiled wryly. “I guess it’s fair if we scare each other.”
“You’re the one who’s supposed to have her shit figured out. I’m the fool who’s been living outside of life for a long time. I might need some help finding one again.”
“You know I’m happy to help with that, but I don’t want you to feel pushed—” She broke off. “Well, that’s not true, I did push, because sometimes people need that, but I meant that for you, and life in general, not where I’m concerned.”
“I know. I needed to get hauled out of my rut. Thank you for that.”
She wiggled her nose to keep the tears from forming. “Now that you’ve left your cabin for a little vacation, will you tell me what you’re thinking about your future?” She made a concerted effort to not hold her breath while waiting for an answer, and wondered if she shouldn’t have waited until they were stationary to bring this up.
“I’ve been thinking about things, while I’m out here. When you left the cabin, the idea of going to St. Louis, visiting you there, meeting your family and your pack. I’m not going to lie, even though it makes me a coward, the idea seemed ridiculous. No way I could handle that.”
And now?she thought, but pressed her lips so he could speak at his own pace.
“I came here to Idaho out of a sense of duty.” He glanced over at her. “You knew that. Used that.”
“Hell, yes.”
He smiled and turned back to face forward. “And you knew I would find more than that. Understand what I could be a part of. If I wanted it.”
“Yeah.” She said it softly, felt the tears come as his hand squeezed hers.
“I’m not saying I want to audition for packs to join and start taking care of others when I’m not sure I’m great at taking care of myself. And I’m not saying I’m going to pack a bag tomorrow for St. Louis. But I’m saying I would like to come visit you. Assuming you don’t get your fill of me here and decide you’ve had enough.”
She sniffled, impressed she’d held it back for this long.
“Hey,” he said, putting on the turn signal and checking over his shoulder to ease them to the side of the road. “What’s this?”
“I’m just happy for you. And for me. But mostly for you.”
He used his thumbs to wipe the tears from her eyes.
She dug through her purse, found a tissue. “I would love for you to come and visit me. But, I’m wondering if you would mind visiting me in Arizona, instead of St. Louis. Or maybe New Mexico.”
“I don’t really care where I visit you. Are you going to help get a new pack settled? Alex mentioned there was talk of that happening. Actually, he asked me if I was going to be the alpha.”
“Oh. Oh!” She turned more fully to him, pulling her leg up onto the seat. “That’s an amazing idea. I was going to do it, but if you’re interested, I can stay in St. Louis.”
“I wasn’t really interested.”
“Are you sure?”
“You really think it’s a good idea for a guy who hasn’t worked his way up through the hierarchy to suddenly be alpha to a whole pack?”
“Hillary didn’t work her way up, and she’s just as much alpha as Zach is.”
“Yeah, but she has him there to help her.”
Myra shrugged. “If you had a good hierarchy, which I would help make sure you did, you would be fine. I’d have no doubts about your ability to handle it.”
He was quiet for a minute, and then he cleared his throat. “I’m not really interested, but it means a lot you’d say that.” Checking over his shoulder again, he moved back into the highway. “Why are you thinking of leaving St. Louis?”
“I guess I’ve been in a bit of a rut, myself. I was pretty young when I become alpha, I’ve been doing it for a long time. I love my pack and my family, but my life has essentially been the same for the last ten years, and there’s no reason to think it’s going to change anytime soon. At most, some of the hierarchy might move away, but it wouldn’t really change much for me.”
She took a deep breath. “What happened in Montana, it sort of woke me up to how stale things have become.”
