“Yes.I wondered.When I saw the car.”
Ben leant over to grab a piece of cheese left on the counter.“I’m starving.”
Nikolas decided not to play anymore.Sometimes even his great reserves of strength deserted him.
He strode over to the bedroom door and looked inside, nodding to himself as he saw the sleeping woman sprawled naked in Ben’s bed.Ben seemed to sense some change in the atmosphere and ventured hesitantly around a mouthful of cheddar, “Sorry.But she said you didn’t mind Squeezy and whatshisname sleeping together, so I guessed you wouldn’t mind us…Philipa is really nice, by the way.We had a great day.Do you like my hair?”
“Yes.I do.I’ve always liked it.I’m very tired, Ben.I’m going to bed.Will you tell Kate I’ll speak with her later?Will you make sure to tell her that?Those exact words.In fact, tell her thatwhen I find her, I’ll speak with her.Can you remember that for me?Goodnight.”Nikolas started to go toward the rear of the house then turned abruptly and headed back out into the moonlight.He tilted his face to the sky for a moment then strode off across the manicured lawn.
* * *
Ben might have lost his memory, but he hadn’t lost his faculties.His boss was upset about something.His boss was upset about…Kate.He looked toward the bedroom.Oh, shit.He’d suddenly worked out who Philipa had been talking about—who Nikolas was seeing.The love of hisfucking life!
He knotted the sheet more securely around his waist and ran out after Nikolas.The gravel hurt his feet, but he made it to the lawn, hopping slightly and picking stones out of his flesh.He could see a blur of white from the direction of the stables: Nikolas’s shirt.It was freezing.He picked up the sheet like a belle of the ball holding her skirts away from dew and ran on.
Nikolas was in the stable talking quietly to his horse, his face pressed to her warm coat.
He’d obviously heard Ben’s arrival but didn’t acknowledge him.Ben went closer, the warmth and smell of the stable oddly comforting, and said quietly and simply, “I didn’t know.I’m so sorry.She didn’t tell me.”
“I’m busy, Benjamin, can we talk about this some other time?”
“I didn’t know!I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you!I—I mean, fuck.I didn’t know, okay?”
“You’ll startle the horses.Be silent.What are you talking about?”
“You and Kate!You implied you didn’t have a girlfriend, but Philipa told me you had this great love of your life.I didn’t realise it was Kate!Christ.What a total fuck up.”
He realised he was shouting again so calmed his voice, going closer to Nikolas.Very cautiously, he put a hand on Nikolas’s arm.“What can I do to make this better?I’ll do anything.”
Nikolas straightened and considered him.“You could go and take a shower.You stink of her.”He shook off the hand and walked away, back out into the dark.
Ben felt as if he’d been slapped.He actually staggered a little.He hardly knew this man, couldn’t understand why his words had affected him as they did.He hung his head, looking at his filthy feet but then sensed a presence alongside him, and a hand fixed on his bare arm.
“I’m sorry.That was not fair of me.I don’t take betrayal very well.I had forgot how it felt.I’ve become soft in someone’s unswerving loyalty to me; it has weakened me.This wasnotyour fault.Do you understand me?When you regain your memory, you must remember that.Notyourfault.Promise me.”
“What—?”
“Ben!Promise me!”
“Okay, sheesh.I’ve no idea what you’re talking about, but I promise.”He stared down at the hand still on his arm and laid his over it.He felt an overwhelming sense this man needed something more from him.Apology?Contrition?Friendship?
He slowly put his arms around Nikolas and felt rigidity melt, heard a whispered, “Don’t.”But he did.He hugged tighter.And then the unbelievable, unforgivable happened.He’d come from a bed tumbled with sex.He was only wearing a sheet.These were contributing factors, maybe, but he felt himself hardening with desire for a lot more than a simple embrace.His nose was at the man’s neck; the smell made Ben want to open his mouth, bite him, taste him, swallow him whole—the unthinkable utterly and completelyright.He didn’t even shock himself.He’d wanted to do this when they’d been standing together on the moors with the horses.This was the happiness he’d sensed hovering so close.Everything surged and pulsed and came to life in the smell and feel of this man’s skin.
He pulled him closer, despite knowing what Nikolas would do now—whatanyman would do in the same circumstance, when a hug with another man changed.When it all went badly wrong between friends.It was going to be awful and bloody, but he couldn’t help it.
“Ben…stop.Please.”It was whispered.It was heartfelt.The man is six foot four, built like a brick shit house, but he whisperspleasewhen another man tries to fuck him?
Ben jerked his head back, his eyes wide.“That’s all you say?”Realisation hit him.“I’ve wanted this before!This has happened between us before!”
* * *
Nikolas heard a car door slam and a crunch of tyres on gravel.He guessed Kate had worked out for herself what his message to her might be.Ben shook him to make him focus again.
“Ben, stop?How many times have you had to say that to me?”
Nikolas looked back at him.“I don’t recall ever saying stop to you before.”
Ben stepped back.Blood draining from his face.“You and me.We’ve…?”His sheet slipped and he grabbed at it.
