Squeezy had a sister.Until two weeks ago, she’d had a teenage son.Eleven days ago, Jonathan had walked into a lecture room at college and shot three of his fellow students then turned the gun on himself—fatally.He’d been nineteen.The only clue to his motivation had been an email he’d sent his parents that morning.All it contained was the message:I will leave darkness behind me.
After the initial confusion and shock had died down, the attack had been labelled a racist atrocity by the press.The three students he’d shot had been members of the university’s Islamic student council.
Jonathan’s links with far right organisations were being investigated, but Squeezy wasn’t convinced.He asserted Jono was one of life’s innocents—a gentle soul.Which had sounded odd coming from Squeezy, who wasn’t known for being a reflective observer of human nature.He had tried to tell the police this.His own background then came under suspicion.Being ex-army—ex-Special Forces—was a sure bet, apparently, for far-right sympathies.After all, the police reasoned, where did an otherwise normal nineteen-year-old boy get a gun?
Watching from the sidelines, Ben had been more than concerned.He’d undergone a very similar experience with the police investigating Nikolas’s disappearance in Denmark.While Squeezy wasn’t actually being probed by doctors with rubber gloves (or at least Ben hoped he wasn’t), hewasbeing turned from victim into perpetrator, and that was a very unpleasant, soul-destroying experience.
A few days after the shooting, Ben had started following Squeezy.He had the thought that if Squeezy were accused of anything at least he’d have a witness now to back him up.He was alarmed, therefore, to watch as Squeezy appeared to be making a call on a therapist…a sex therapist…a gay couples’ sex therapist.Which was odd.Stranger still was the visit was at two in the morning, and Squeezy was using a side window for his appointment rather than the front door.Ben had circumvented the attempted burglary and had persuaded Squeezy to return to the London house.
* * *
Being roused from bed at three in the morning, Nikolas wasn’t in the best of moods.He was even less impressed when he saw Ben’s split lip and black eye.He didn’t mention either, realising just in time Ben wouldn’t appreciate being made to account for himself as if he were a teenager coming home from a pub fight.He listened patiently to Squeezy’s profane and rambling explanation, which distilled into the fact he’d known his nephew was gay—something the boy hadn’t told his parents yet.Squeezy had also known Jono had been seeing the therapist for some months, with a view to being helped deal with his feelings and to come out to his family.
Squeezy was convinced the boy’s terrible act that day in the halls of learning and these doctor’s visits were linked.Nikolas was fairly sure ifhewere forced to visit a gay-sex therapisthe’dbe shooting things too.But not unrelated students, which he agreed was odd.
In reality, of course, he could see no connection at all and thought grief and possible guilt were unhinging Ben’s friend.Squeezy wasn’t the most stable person at the best of times.
Which was why he was not impressed when Ben told him they were making a visit themselves to Doctor Julian Wood.
Even when told the whole plan—they would pretend to be a couple in relationship difficulties and he’d get to be rude and imperious to Ben—he’d refused.After all, he got to be rude and imperious to Ben anyway.It wasn’t enough incentive.Then Ben had pointed out what they owed Squeezy.That had brought Nikolas up short.He was indebted.Besides his life, he owed him a broken arm and a few other damaged parts.Ben didn’t know about any of these additional incidents, however, so he’d agreed, whilst stating he was only doing it as some therapy might actually make Ben more appreciative…And this had gone the way of all other such pronouncements…
So Nikolas couldn’t say he was in a particularly bad mood in the waiting room preparing for theirtherapy.He reckoned both he and Ben had worked worse undercover operations in their time.After all, he was still undercover as his dead twin brother.Life was full of amusing ironies when you looked for them.
The waiting room had magazines with pop culture articles on relationships, which he pondered with great interest, whilst at the same time indulging his favourite pastime of studying Ben.Therefore, he could memorise helpful advice—such as:“when discussing a problem, it’s helpful not to assign blame,”or“when you look very closely, most conflict often has little to do with the actual issue being discussed, but more often than not, it has to do with a fight over power and control.It's a fight over who is in charge”—whilst at the same time thinking how good Ben looked in his torn jeans and one ofhisold T-shirts.They liked wearing each other’s clothes.What did that say about their relationship?
“What are you smiling about?You’re supposed to be angry and pissed off.”Ben nudged him to seriousness.
“Do we fight over who is in charge, Benjamin?”
Ben snorted.“No.I have you exactly where I want you.”
Nikolas chuckled and turned the page.“Do we look suitably pissed with each other?I think you appear too much in love to convince the good doctor of our sincerity.”
Ben huffed and replied in an undertone, “I think you’re confusing love with total exhaustion.Eight years, Nikolas.It’s averylong time to know you.”
Nikolas tossed the magazine away with a comment in Russian he knew Ben wouldn’t understand and picked up a newspaper.After a few minutes, Ben snorted.Nikolas sighed.“What?”
“You can’t read that without your glasses.Stop pretending.”
Nikolas pouted and chucked it onto the table.“You do know this is a complete waste of time, yes?”
Ben slunk down a little further in his chair.“Yeah, I know.Squeezy’s totally clutching at straws.But it’s better than having him break in.We’ll see if there’s anything hinky with this—”
“Hinky?”
“—it’s a word—with this doctor bloke, and then Squeezy’ll just have to accept it.”
“The boy was probably confused and depressed, and watched too many American TV shows.It was a cry for help in a way.I suppose if you were gay you might be making quite a number of those.”
Ben glanced over at him, frowning for a moment, but before he could comment on Nikolas’s assertion they heard the handle to the adjoining door being turned and he sat up straighter.They didn’t risk a glance at each other, slipping seamlessly into their roles.
Nikolas knew they skirted close enough to the truth to make their proposed fiction plausible.
Game on.
* * *
Chapter Two
