Wanna come play Santa with me?
Aleksey distinctly remembered being asked this once before on Christmas Eve at his father’s dacha, although clearly the question had been in Russian, had not used the term Santa, and had not actually been referring to gift-giving. He wondered for a moment if the moron was also propositioning him. It crossed his mind that, given the mood he was currently in, the idiot might be surprised by his response.
Squeezy began texting again.
Not that you fucking … Billy? The old man? If you wanna shag tho you can take me to your bower of bliss any day, matey, any day…
Aleksey smirked, he couldn’t help it, which he suspected had been the cretin’s aim in the first place in suddenly deciding they needed to get into the Christmas spirit instead of the glower of gloom he’d been sending towards the flames.
He rose to his feet and clicked for the dogs to follow him.
When they hit the weak afternoon light and fresh air it was something of a relief. He lit a cigarette, waiting for Ben’s friend, and when Squeezy came out with a couple of bags of presents, enquired mildly, ‘Your future baby-daddy not joining us?’
Squeezy narrowed his eyes. ‘Not funny.’
‘I wasn’t trying to be funny.’
‘Nah, I could see you weren’t finding things all that amusing.’
‘Would you?’
They began to walk together towards the walled garden, the pale sun appearing and disappearing behind wispy cloud cover.
‘Ack, don’t get your panties in such a twist. Enjoy someone calling you Sir Nikolas again and let the rest go. None of us think of you like that anymore.’ This was clearly intended for him to probe so the moron could retortnah, you’re just the wassock to usand so he didn’t rise to it. ‘Funny old thing that, ain’t it? Us all thinkin’ Squirt got her looks from Pretty Boy, but all the time it was just those green eyes. The rest is all Katie.’
‘What’s with this Katie thing? I do not recall her ever being called that.’
‘Nah. That was just you. We all did. Know what she said to me once?’
‘You are a complete and utter fuckwit, so stop babbling?’
‘Oh, yeah, well that once or twice, obviously. I was referring to the thing she said when we went looking for Diesel up north. She were talking ‘bout you.’
The trouble with habitually ignoring the moron was moments like this—when there was a hint that he might have something pertinent to say. He sighed. ‘Go on.’
‘So, I notice a bit of a frosty atmosphere between you two, an’ ask her ‘bout it, like you do, an’ she said, “I did it with a kiss”. Now, I reckoned I’d missed out on a bit of juicy group sex, which, as you know, I’m always up for, ‘specially with Katie, if you get my drift, but then, me ‘aving this razor-sharp brain and better education than you, I got thebetrayalreference, so I asked her ‘bout that, an’ all, and she—’
‘—you have three seconds before I kill you.’
‘And she said, “He’s forgiven me, but it’s worse than death. Now I’m just waiting for it, and I think it will come for me when I’m least expecting it. When I’m safe and happy again”.’ Aleksey didn’t reply, so Squeezy added helpfully, ‘An’ it did, didn’t it? Weird, that train thing. Very mysterious.’ Without waiting for a reply, because he clearly knew that one wasn’t going to be forthcoming, he went on, ‘Got me thinkin’ like…what if whoever killed her had known about Squirt—which I don’t think they did—would he ‘avedesisted, like. Thought,nah, can’t do that to a baby. She’d have little ‘un now, wouldn’t she? And you wouldn’t. Funny old thing when you think about it.’
‘Hilarious.’
‘Who was it saidmurder will out?’
‘I have no idea. It wasn’t me.’
Squeezy chuckled. ‘Nah, me neither. So, what did you buy me for Christmas?’
Aleksey laughed softly. ‘Not exquisite perfume. I apparently wasted my money.’
They had come to the garden. Squeezy toed the ground before the door. The dogs drifted away towards the pond. ‘I weren’t just thinkin’ about Katie. The professor’s knockback these last few days with Squirt hasn’t put him off this ridiculous plan he’s got. He’s shopping around, like, trying to find a surrogate—for a fucking baby.’
‘Ugh.’ The noise came out of him before he could stop it, but it considerably lightened the mood as they both snorted at the same time.
‘Yeah. My view exactly. But more than that—then you’ve got another baby with no mum. Don’t seem right.’
‘I got the impression that you, like me, did not value mothers a great deal.’
