Once more, the old man leaned back and readjusted his fire. It seemed to be a nervous tick.
‘She never left us. Mayhap she’s still there. I sometimes reckoned so. You know…when the storms came in and the sea rose. When the birds flew up in great rotations round the light. I used to think Jenna, Jenna, is that you, lass? See, Maister told ‘er—he told ‘erdon’t go outside—probably cus he wanted her to look afe’n the baby. But she found it hard with the poor wee mite—struggled with ‘im. I heard since of other lassies who do that—get something wrong with ‘em, after baby’s born. She were only a girl herself, so course she wanted to go out and not be in with a sickly baby and four men. We weren’t no company for ‘er. We had our ways, being Trinity House men, see. Don’t join the lighthouse service if’n you’ve a taste for lassies, if you get my drift. No, we were a funny bunch, me and Lights and Wickie. And it weren’t like she were off to parties and the like, were it? Just out for a walk, poor girl. Get a bit of fresh air. She loved watching the rabbits and the nesting birds. Couldn’t do no harm. I said I’d watch out for her, from the top, so if’n Maister were around we could warn ‘er. We all did. But it were me up there the day she…’ Once more, the fire was turned one way or the other—Aleksey couldn’t tell. The room seemed sweltering to him, Ben still reeking of fish.
The cliffs.
Maybe if you die when you’re flying you keep on soaring forever.
‘Jenna?’
He thought he might be sick from the almost dizzying repetition, but this time, before he could rise and open a window for some fresh air, Oily folded his arms staring at his hands and said in a rush, ‘I were on the gantry, watching, like I said, an’ this stranger came sauntering up from the spring, bold as you like. She ducked behind the light, remembering The Maister’s rules, I s’pose. But he’d seen ‘er and ‘e went over to ‘er. I think they were talking. I thought maybe it were the dad at last, Billy’s dad, come to make an honest woman of her, but then…he pushed her and she just went off. I can still see that hair golden-blond against the blue as she fell. I’ll never get that sight out of me mind.’
He felt Ben stiffen next to him.Pushed? Jenna was murdered? Gerren Roskilly?
‘Never found the body. Don’t in those currents. Not round the cliffs. But we chipped together and got ‘er a lovely stone. Maister William organised it. Benhar, you say she’s on? Must ‘ave been ‘er home then. He were never the same after that. Doted on that lad though. Took ‘im everywhere with him, taught ‘im all he knew, an’ that were a lot really. Damn near broke all our hearts.’
‘Did you ever tell him about his mother when he got older? Did he understand that she was dead?’
‘Strange thing that. When he got on a bit, Maister William told ‘im she were one of the guillemots now—that she were one of ‘em for a while cus she always wanted to fly and never got the chance when she were a girl. Not like the old Maister really, being fanciful like that. We thought he were trying to make it easier for the little lad, but I think it just confused ‘im. Confused us, truth be told. Couldn’t look at those birds for years after that without thinking of Jenna and how she might be lookin’ right back at me cryin’why didn’t you save me, Oily?Why didn’t you do something?Poor little lad. Got it in ‘is head she were coming back, see—when her time as a guillemot were done. Best to tell kiddies the truth about death, if’n you ask me…only no ones really knows what that is, do they?’
Aleksey swallowed and blew out slowly.
‘What happened to Billy eventually?’ Oily sat straighter at Ben’s question. Fatigue and stress were evident on the old man’s face now. Aleksey suspected he hadn’t talked so much in years, if ever, and the strain was clearly wearing on him.
‘We put him in the asylum.’
Ben’s tension increased noticeably. ‘What?Why?’
‘When they decommissioned us in 1978—aye, ‘e were thirteen, I s‘pose, like you said. The Maister died the year afore that, and they never replaced him because we were due to be done—they made Lights acting maister for that last year. Trinity House got good jobs for the three of us on shore, but we couldn’t take Billy, course. We’d kept him safe all those years, an’ I said to ‘im when ‘e were crying when I told ‘im he had to leave us, “Hey, Billy, lad, you’ll prob’ly enjoy it. You don’t want to be stuck with three old men your whole life, do you? No mates to have a bit of a lark with?’’’ He put a hand over his eyes and his shoulders shook.
Aleksey rose swiftly and went to the window, wrenching it open. Ben came and stood alongside him, hand on his shoulder.
He turned sharply around at the touch. ‘You said William brought them one day. How had he known where to find them after they were dismissed from Guillemot House? She was pregnant and they sacked her.’
The old man had pulled out a cotton handkerchief now, and was twisting it into a ball. ‘What?’
‘You said William went and got them. How did he know where she was?’
Penrose leaned back and closed his eyes. Sienna, who had possibly been hovering and listening outside, came in. ‘He needs a nap now, don’t you, Oily?’ She reached over to pick up a blanket and laid it over his knees.
‘Letters.’ His voice sounded feeble now. ‘Boatman brought ‘im a stack a letters. That were it. All in one go, and Maister William cursed him out something wicked, but we’d ‘ad foul weather, so weren’t poor Boatman’s fault. Big storm and no boats going nowhere. We had our work cut out with the lamp, I can tell you. Yes, it were letters. Master never told us what were in ‘em, but once he read ‘em, he shot off, an’ that’s against General Orders and a dismissal offence. But ‘e came back with ‘em both and no one none the wiser seems. Saw ‘im studying those letters a few times when he thought no one was lookin’. Hard to keep secrets in a lighthouse.’
His eyes closed and his chin dropped onto his chest.
Sienna stayed close and said in a soft voice, ‘He’ll nap for a couple of hours.’
Aleksey felt an incredible sense of frustration. He wanted to ask more about the man on the cliff. Despite Oily’s assertion that it had all been so long ago and that he’d not thought about any of it for decades, this was clearly not true. He suspected the old man dwelt on these sad memories a great deal, and that they became clearer for him as more recent memories evaporated, as was the way of old age. He was sure that with the right prompting he would remember more.
He checked his watch and saw to his astonishment that it was late afternoon. The sun was dimming, but this far south there were still a few hours or so of daylight.
He said to the girl, ‘We’ll get something to eat and come back.’
She was gazing adoringly at Ben, and didn’t reply.
***
Chapter Forty
‘I think Billy’s father killed her.’ Ben swallowed and added, ‘You said he didn’t even know she was pregnant. He was in the navy, yeah? So, he comes home from sea and finds not only that she’s had a baby, but that she’s had a baby like Billyandshe’s living with four men—I bet he leapt to conclusions and in a rage killed her—or maybe just didn’t want the complication of a wife and baby like that.’
