When they left, Radulf was waiting for them. He’d not been restrained but had sat patiently in the snow. He didn’t see them come out, but he sensed them and turned to walk at Nikolas’s side, pressed in close. Guard, guide, and charge.
They climbed into their off-roader, which was now pale with fallen snow. Ben drove, while Nikolas watched the flakes coming at them through the dark like small missiles until they dissipated harmlessly on the glass. They arrived at a thatched house by the beach with a garden that had clearly been well tended before the snow came.
It was Christmas Eve.
§ § §
Ben pulled the car up outside Ingrid’s house. Neither of them had been there since he’d left that last morning, before he’d found Nikolas near death in the snow. She’d seen the toll Nikolas’s abduction had taken on Ben while he’d been with her. Had she known the true extent of his shock and what had happened in the aftermath, she would’ve been horrified. Neither of them had any intention of sharing those events with anyone, however. Nikolas put his hand on Ben’s thigh, a habit of now touching him whenever he could, also a direct result of events in a bathroom a few nights previous. “Are you ready?”
Ben closed his eyes for a moment. “Do we have to do this?”
“Is it the right thing to do?”
Ben nodded.
“Then it’s what we’ll do. Come, I’ll revert to the charming, urbane diplomat you first met, and all will be well. All you’re required to do is make sure you eat, Benjamin. And did we ever think I’d one day have to say that to you?”
Ben smiled, and it was such a rare thing for Nikolas to see these days he leant in and kissed him, despite the fact they were sitting outside someone’s house. The kiss began to deepen which pleased him. Sex had been fraught recently. It was hard to enjoy themselves with so many physical and emotional wounds. Eventually, he eased them apart and cupped Ben’s face. “Carry the presents. Let’s keep the illusion in place you’re subservient to me and do my every bidding.”
Ben actually laughed and quickly kissed him on the scar on his nose. He did as requested and gathered the armful of presents Nikolas had insisted they buy and wrap, and then they went to Ingrid’s to celebrate Christmas with the friends who’d helped save Nikolas’s life and, by extension, Ben’s.
Once he’d been found and Kate had consequently lost her lodgings courtesy of staying with the psychotic librarian who’d tried to kill him, Nikolas had moved Kate to a hotel. Similarly, he’d insisted Squeezy stay at least until Boxing Day and had booked a suite for him at Kate’s hotel. Then he’d flown Kate’s parents over to Denmark, and further to Aeroe, so they could enjoy a traditional white Christmas with their only child.
It was therefore a gathering of old and new at Ingrid’s for Christmas Eve and the season of goodwill. Ben was so fragile that Nikolas had debated long and hard about creating and insisting on this Christmas for him. But, in the end, he’d decided Ben just needed time and normality, and, given those, he would heal himself.
Everyone greeted Radulf first. Ben had been afraid the number of people would alarm him, given he now relied on sound rather than sight to navigate his way through life, but he seemed to be in his element. Nikolas had allowed him to bring his blanket, a concession Nikolas wouldn’t normally have made, but Radulf pretty much had an open ticket to anything he wanted with Nikolas these days. He dragged the smelly rag toward the fire where he could feel the heat and listen to the voices, and settled down, content to wait for sausages to be produced.
Nikolas was as good as his word and circulated and talked and charmed like the Nikolas of old. This took some of the attention off Ben; he was able to stand with Squeezy and talk about old times, something anyone in the army could do only too well. The only one whose attention was wholly on Ben, despite his party front, was Nikolas, and Ben found himself constantly plied with food and non-alcoholic drink until he had to wait until Squeezy went to the bathroom to murmur privately, with some exasperation, “I’m okay, okay?”
“I know you are, Benjamin.” Nikolas gave him a small, amused look through lowered lashes. “Am I still real though?”
“For God’s sake, Nik!” His embarrassed outrage couldn’t mask the deep, underlying adoration. He leant closer. “This Nikolas is too fucking annoying to be dream-Nikolas—he was much nicer!”
Nikolas chuckled. “I can do nice. And don’t swear at me, Benjamin.”
Ben stepped a little closer and brushed his lips against Nikolas’s ear. “If it wasn’t for all these people, I would say that word in another context—right here, right now.”
They stared at each other for a while, the rest of the room entirely forgotten, then Nikolas shook himself slightly and moved back toward the group.
§ § §
“Fuck me, it’s true, isn’t it? That look was about fucking sex, right? Bloody hell, but it’s not fair.”
Ben shook his head despairingly at Squeezy’s outrage. Squeezy was watching Nikolas closely. “He’s not really a fucking banker or a art dealer, is he?” Ben shook his head. “He’s one of us in some fucking way I can’t put my finger on…but I’d like to.” Ben punched Squeezy’s arm. “Oh, come on! There’s enough of him to go around, Diesel. No? Fuck me. It’ll be the fucking hand again tonight then. So, he all healed and shit?”
Ben wobbled his hand. “I think he still gets headaches from the skull fracture, and it hurts when he breathes too hard—where she stabbed at his kidney.”
“Breathes too hard? Oh, fuck me…don’t say it…! No fucking breathing too hard where I am, mate,that’sfor fucking sure.” Squeezy stared gloomily into his glass. “I should’ve gone fucking gay years ago. All that wasted opportunity in all those fucking showers. So…is it true what Katie was saying…about that bitch’s throat?”
Ben frowned and turned to him, giving him proper attention for once. “What about her throat?”
“That it wasn’t Daddybark who did most of the fucking damage. That they found human bite marks.” He grabbed his throat and widened his eyes theatrically.
“Merry Christmas to you, too, you bastard. No, that’s not true.”
Nikolas came over to join them. He eyed Squeezy speculatively. “I think you should have your Christmas present now.” Squeezy’s eyes widened hopefully, but Ben elbowed him. He knew very well what Squeezy was hoping his present might be. Even more annoying, he knew Nikolas found Squeezy’s new gay obsession extremely amusing and had even suggested they include him in a threesome one night. Fortunately for Nikolas, Ben knew he was only joking. Nikolas gave Ben a private quirk of his lips at this shared joke between them and nodded toward the patio doors. “Outside?”
Parked in Ingrid’s back garden was the state-of-the-art snowmobile Nikolas had bought for Squeezy. As Nikolas had told Ben, it seemed a very small gesture to thank him for a life. They all eyed it together, Squeezy slightly speechless. “Perhaps don’t set fire to this one?”
