Nikolas nodded toward the car, and they walked shivering back to the warmth of the interior.
Just before he pulled back onto the road, Ben twisted in his seat. “What did you think, Nik?” He gave him a wounded look. “Bloody hell. How many times do I have to tell you? Five years,Nikolas. Five years you’ve known how I feel about you, and you think I’d ever cheat on you? And on our first date, too.” He studied the tiny blister on his hand. Nikolas had the very distinct impression that the small burn wasn’t to blame for the glistening he could see in Ben’s eyes.
He fiddled unnecessarily with the heating controls. Ben rarely called him Nikolas. He reckoned he was in trouble.
Ben suddenly pulled back out onto the road, and they proceeded on their way. Nikolas tentatively handed him back his phone. Ben said, “Thank you,” exceedingly politely.
Nikolas mirrored his tone. “You’re welcome.” After a few more moments, he added, “I suppose an apology isn’t going to impress you much at the moment.”
“Why don’t you try one and see?”
“I’m sorry?”
“Nope, not doing it for me.”
Nikolas blew out a long breath, his fringe rising and falling softly over his eyes. He heard a low chuckle from the driver’s seat and turned. “You were actually jealous of awoman. Oh—my—God,youwant to have my babies.”
“You’re going to make me pay for this, aren’t you?”
“Oh, I’m going to leave it to you to decide what punishment you deserve.”
“She was real, Ben. I didn’t make her up, and she knew you, and she knew me, and she seemed very sure of everything she said.”
“I don’t know, Nik. What can I say? Maybe it was a wind up? A bet? It was probably just one of the girls in the library doing it for a joke! Come on, let’s get home. If you’re very, very good, I’ll give you the opportunity to carry my babies. How does that sound?”
Nikolas wasn’t in the mood to be teased. As soon as they got home, he went to the sink and ran a large glass of water. He drank that and then another. Ben came up behind him and wrapped his arms around him. “Bed?” Nikolas nodded and pulled him close. He breathed into Ben’s hair for a while then gave him a little shove.
“Go shower. I’ll do penance and take Radulf out.”
Ben ruffled his hair. “It’s very cold. Not too long, yeah?”
“For God’s sake, I survived a Siberian gulag.”
“I was talking about the dog.”
Nikolas started to click his fingers for Radulf to follow him, but Ben snagged his coat and held out his hand. Nik tried to look innocent but then swore and handed over his lighter. Ben waggled his fingers, and Nikolas handed over the packet of cigarettes, as well. It was full except for the one he’d tried to light earlier. “Ihavegiven up, Benjamin, but it’s easier if I have a packet with me. I know it’s illogical, but I can’t explain it to you, as you’ve never had to give up. I’m sorry.” Ben seemed to consider this for a moment then handed the packet back. Nikolas flashed him a quick glance. “I don’t deserve you.” Before Ben could agree with him, he went out, holding the door for the dog to follow him through.
The clouds had almost all blown over, and the moon illuminated the snow in a blue-white wash of almost unearthly beauty; but Nikolas had seen many forests and too much snow and only wanted to climb into bed where it was warm. He didn’t like being wrong-footed, and that woman had done it to him tonight. He wondered idly if somewhere in his mind he was waiting for the day when Ben finally stopped loving him. He supposed it was inevitable. Despite Ben’s unwavering belief in him, Nikolas knew it was wholly undeserved. Even after his confession about his brother’s death, which he’d told Ben was the last of his secrets, there was still much he wouldn’t want Ben to find out about his past. He had a feeling Ben’s belief in his lovability would be destroyed fairly quickly should certain other events be known. He toed the snow, making patterns with his shoe. He desperately wanted a cigarette. It had been his whole reason for volunteering to stand in the freezing cold with the dog. He’d planned on smoking the one he’d tried to on the beach, reasoning as he’d already broken his promise with that one, another now was a freebie and didn’t count. He’d been looking forward to it all the way home. He kicked Ben’s woodpile out of spite. He was regretting his promise to give up; he’d been smoking since he was ten. Sergei could hardly punish him for stealing his cigarettes whenhe’dstolen something far more precious from his ten-year-old son.
He felt something nudge his leg and glanced down to find the dog eyeing him evilly, as if he’d been the one forced out into the cold to accompany the human. Nikolas gave him back an equally evil glare, and they trudged in together.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Ben was still in the mood to tease about the strange woman in the restaurant and insisted on his plan of impregnation so Nikolas wouldn’t be jealous. By this time, however, Nikolas had suffered enough being made fun of so reminded Ben for most of the rest of the night just who was in charge in their relationship. Nikolas’s reminders weren’t gentle. They were both soldiers, and although Ben didn’t exactly enjoy the painful games Nikolas played with him, he definitely relished the quivering, intense orgasms they gave him. It wasn’t the best night, therefore, for Radulf to set up a volley of barking at five, just after they’d both drifted off exhausted and spent. Ben sat bolt upright, grunted, and then fell back asleep. Radulf didn’t stop. Nikolas poked Ben. “What does he want?”
Ben turned, grunted something else and pulled the covers over his head. Uncharacteristically, Nikolas shouted to Radulf to shut the fuck up, but when the noise didn’t stop, he rolled naked out of bed and went downstairs. Radulf was standing at the window, huge paws up on the sill, staring out. Nikolas swatted him away, but he came back growling at the dark outside. Suddenly, a deer shot out of the woodpile and into the forest. Radulf’s volley of barking went up a pitch. Nikolas got hold of his collar and dragged him up the stairs and into the bedroom. He picked him up and heaved him onto the bed. Radulf appeared so surprised by this turn of events he lay quietly, staring at Nikolas with huge amber eyes as he wedged himself back into the very small space that was left.
None of them woke until after lunch. If Nikolas sometimes felt his life lacked purpose, he didn’t mind too much when that meant he could get up when he liked, wear what he liked, and had no further thought for the day but to amuse himself by irritating both Ben and Radulf. He started by kicking Radulf outside as soon as he got downstairs, and although his foot didn’t actually connect, the dog, he reckoned, got the message. He watched him for a while as he sniffed around the log pile and then disappeared off down the track toward the lake, presumably following the deer scent. The dog dispatched, he took some coffee back up to bed for Ben. Ben had been on the receiving end of the let’s-prove-who’s-the-boss-in-this-relationship fun all night, so Nikolas reckoned he was owed coffee in bed.
Lots of Nikolas’s life hadn’t held much pleasure, but sliding back into a still sleep-warm bed with Benjamin was definitely one of the more pleasurable activities. He carefully put the coffee down so as not to wake him. Very gently, he pulled the covers off Ben’s head. Ben grunted and turned. Nikolas smiled, propping himself up on one elbow to study the sleeping form. He combed his fingers through the long, bed-rumpled hair, and Ben opened his eyes. He frowned and mumbled, “Has he stopped barking?”
Nikolas laughed. “Yes. About eight hours ago.”
“Huh.” He seemed prepared to go back to sleep. “What’re you doing?”
“It’s lunchtime, Benjamin. I’m hungry.”
Ben laughed and turned onto his back to give Nikolas more access. He rested his hands very lightly on Nikolas’s head, something that was now tolerated so long as he didn’t press down, and lay back to enjoy the exquisite sensation of Nikolas’s mouth on his swelling cock.
