“No, you’renot. I’m adamant about this, Ben. I’m not joking. I don’t want?”
“Oh, I know what you don’t want. You don’t want him to tell me things about you that you don’t want me to know.”
Nikolas’s eyes flicked momentarily away from Ben’s, an obvious tell. Ben chuckled. “Yeah. Thought so.”
“You’re being ridiculous, as usual. I don’t want you there because?”
“Because I might get to find out what lies under…here?”
“Now you’re just being ridiculously childish.”
“Or here, maybe? Some secret hidden…here?”
Nikolas, laughing, gave in and allowed Ben to examine other interesting places where his secrets might lie, and when Ben was done with him, Ben thought both of them were fairly sure nothing much could remain hidden between them.
When he had Nikolas limp and unresisting to anything he wanted, Ben just informed him in a neutral voice, “Nothing on this earth would stop me being there when you meet the guy who was trying to kill you. Nothing. And nothing he says about you will change the way I feel about you right now.”
Nikolas turned with some difficulty and lay on his back, looking up at Ben. He brushed a thumb over Ben’s cheekbone. “I wish that were true, for both our sakes. But you’re a romantic, and I’m a realist. I’ve seen love and faith shattered and destroyed too many times to believe it can ever survive the harsh realities of this life.”
Ben caught at his hand, entwining their fingers. “I’m cutting you off the vodka. You’re turning into a melancholy Russian. Are you seriously telling me you’ve never seen a purely altruistic act?”
Nikolas frowned, seemed about to answer in the negative but then hesitated. “That doesn’t count. He was a priest. There wasn’t enough food, but he gave his to?Away, anyway.”
“Okay. And another? Think. Not everyone you tor—you saw tortured broke and betrayed their loved ones, surely?”
Nikolas pursed his lips. He seemed reluctant to admit it but conceded grudgingly, “No, many people resisted and died rather than implicate others. I was always surprised.”
Ben swallowed, his earlier thoughts about this man’s past resurfacing like a gas-filled carcass, but he covered by bending down and kissing him. The kiss deepened, as it always did between them until, breathless, Ben finally had to pull away. “So, do you think I’m weaker than them?”
Nikolas closed his eyes, professing defeat. He gave a small dismissive wave of his hand. “I surrender. I give you permission to continue with your stubborn, unrealistic blind faith in my complete lovability. It’s quite astounding to me no one else has ever noticed just how loveable I apparently am.”
Ben straddled then folded his arms on Nikolas’s chest, looking serious. “That’s because they were looking in all the wrong places…” This time, Nikolas took control of the game, deciding Ben had enjoyed enough fun at his expense. After all, he was completely loveable, so there wasn’t anything he could do to Ben, however much Ben might protest, that would alter that belief.
§ § §
“I’ve been thinking.” Ben stopped Nikolas trying to straighten his wayward tie.
Nikolas shook Ben’s hands off and continued what he was doing with a frown. “This is hardly the time to start a new hobby.”
“Funny. Anyway. I was thinking about what you said about telling Gregory too much about us. Maybe itwouldbe a good idea to keep him guessing—it might be to our distinct advantage if he doesn’t know where I stand with you or you with me. As far as he knows, I could’ve just been your employee sharing the house with you.”
“Wewerein separate bedrooms…”
“Oh, he reminds me of that yet again! I think I’ve apologised enough and in many varied ways. I remember, okay! I was thinking we should leave him guessing, that’s all.”
Nikolas stood back, considering Ben: suit, shirt, tie, shoes—even the hair—hiswill,hisdesign. Ben was his creation and herelishedthis knowledge.
Ben, who clearly knew exactly what Nikolas was thinking, gave a slight smirk. “Do I pass?”
Nikolas shook himself. “Oh, yes, quite well.” He caught Ben’s gaze. “There’s merit in what you say.”
“Have you just agreed with me about something?”
“It was my idea in the first place if I remember rightly.”
“He’s going to find it hard enough to process the new you anyway, so keep him off balance about me.”
Nikolas nodded then added slyly, “Are you going to be able to pull it off, or will my inherent new lovability ruin your deception?”
