“That does not lessen its essential truth.”
“No, I guess not. So, this is it for us? This is as far as we go and as much as we can ever have?”
He felt Nikolas’s arms tighten around him and heard him swallow. Unexpectedly, Nikolas leant to Ben’s ear and said in a choked voice, “No. Don’t give up on me, Benjamin. I said I was afraid of nothing; well I lied as usual. You are right. I am terrified of losing you. You did not speak to me for three days, and I thought—I needed you to know—Ineedyou to know how important you are to me. All of you and not just the parts I was planning to enjoy before you forced this unpleasant heart to heart upon me. Things may change for me very soon. I cannot—I am not—I’m sorry, Ben.”
Ben saw his options in front of him as clear as if they were laid out like skeins in a complex tapestry. He could insist on unravelling Nikolas, picking at him until there was nothing left, until there were no secrets between them; or he could accept the stranger, welcome him in and live the beautiful illusion.
He turned in Nikolas’s arms, broad chest to broad chest. “Well then I guess the moral of your dumb story is that if you find the perfect stranger at your door, don’t bloody well tell anyone.” He kissed Nikolas’s face, tasting salt, and felt that in those silent tears, Nikolas had revealed far more than questioning ever would. He placed his hands to Nikolas’s face and cupped the impossibly delineated cheekbones. “Come to bed, stranger. You’ve got the other half of your birthday present to open and enjoy.”
PART III
CHAPTER TWENTY
“Are you busy?”
Ben looked up from his Ducati, which he had wheeled, much to Nik’s disgust, through the kitchen to the small courtyard at the back of the mews house. Then he stared pointedly at the engine, which he had in bits all around him.
Nik huffed. “Then what are you doing this weekend?”
Ben raised an eyebrow. “You?”
Nik laughed. “Hopefully. I want to know if you want to go…house hunting.”
Ben came into the kitchen, wiping his oily hands on a rag. “We’re definitely leaving here then?”
Nik raised an eyebrow at the bike in the tiny courtyard and said no more.
Ben put the kettle on. “Have you got some brochures?”
“I have bookmarked likely ones for you to look at.”
“Bookmarked…?”
“There is a thing that looks like a television in the office; oh, and the office is the room—”
“Funny. Okay. When are we leaving?”
“Friday, early?”
“The dog?”
“Kate said she would look after him.”
Ben suddenly grinned. “What are you doing ‘til early Friday?”
Nik responded to the grin. “You.”
§§§
The first house Nikolas had booked to see was on the eastern borders of Devon. The original farmhouse had been knocked down and a new one built in its place. When they arrived, the agent was sitting in a convertible outside the gates. Nikolas eyed him with a disdainful expression. “I hope he has finished his homework.”
“You’re such an old man.”
“Benjamin, you are an old man to him. Which reminds me.” Nikolas twisted in the seat to look at Ben. “You are to be my younger brother. Are you comfortable with that, or have I offended these new metrosexual relationship rules I am suffering under? If you are going to sulk or be mad then we will turn around now.”
“Wow. I asked you one question about your past. One bloody question—which I didn’t get answered. I’m so glad you’renotmy older brother.”
“Hopefully for more reasons than that I would boss you around. So, are you happy with this?”
