Ben frowned. “It’s complicated. I don’t want him—” What? Involved? To intervene? Hurt? All or none of these? Ben felt the oddest sensation. A pricking behind his eyes. He swallowed. Fuck, was he about to cry? Tim put a mug of tea in front of him.
“Talk to me.”
Ben did. He told Tim about the case from beginning to end, about his doubts and then about Jeremy and what he had found on the computer. Tim interrupted, “Where is the computer now?”
“In the car.”
“Jesus. Bring it in. If your car was broken into…”
Ben retrieved the computer and placed it on the table between them. They both stared at it as if it were a ticking time bomb.
“One thing’s bloody clear, Ben. The girl has to be protected from this man.”
“Yes, I know. That far I got all by myself.”
“Well, I guess there are only two ways that can happen. Remove her from him or vice versa. The first option takes her from her mother. Although I agree the mother has some degree of blame here, shehaskept the girl safe so far—it doesn’t sound as if she lets her out of her sight or leaves her with the stepfather. The second option leaves the girl with her mother and in her own home—no trauma, childhood preserved.”
Ben caught his gaze and held it. Tim didn’t blink. Ben said hesitantly, “You know what you are saying, don’t you? Remove him from her? I don’t think either of us is thinking go to the police with this …”
Tim gave a fractional shake of his head and keeping Ben’s gaze said clearly, “Utter. Complete. Waste. Of. Time. The police in this country aren’t concerned withprotectinganyone, Ben—except their paymasters. They’ll probably accuse you of a hate crime, burglary and stalking, and you’ll have to pay him compensation.”
Ben pursed his lips, taken aback. “So what happens when you have no faith in the system left then?” Tim’s gaze still didn’t falter. Ben raised his eyebrows. “Interesting ethics course you must teach, Professor.”
Tim suddenly put his head into his hands. “I did a lot of thinking after our last encounter, Ben. Meeting someone like you, seeing the things you did…Surely the whole point of what I do is to try and see the world from an ethical viewpoint? It’s not a case of what is legal or illegal but what is fundamentally right or wrong—what the universe would want each of us to do. And it never seems as if those who have the power ever think like that. Can you give me one example of anything a politician has ever done that was actually good for the people? One thing? I can’t. Can you give me an example of where the guilty got what they deserved, and the innocent and good got to live the lives they’ve earned by being righteous? I can’t. ”
“You’re saying killing the fucker is the ethical way to go?”
Tim blanched and looked away. “Put like that…” Then he squared his shoulders. “Yes. I’m sick of living in a world where there is so much wrong, Ben. I’msickof it. I want to make the world a better place, and all I do is teach because I can’tdo. You told me once to be on the side of the angels. Well, here I am—I’m onyourside. I want tobethe change.”
Ben leant back in his chair. “All right. Then it’s decided.” He closed his eyes. “I’m so fucking tired, Tim. Of it all.” He felt a hand on his leg.
“Come to bed…?”
Ben opened his eyes. He could see the whole scenario play out, mounting the stairs, shedding clothes and inhibitions, and then the mounting of other things. But his life had changed now. “I’m pathetic, Tim. I’m sorry. I’m so bloody sorry. I love him. I can’t stop thinking about him. Doesn’t matter what I’m doing, he’s like an obsession, an addiction I can’t cure. The more I get of him, the more I want. I think I know him, but he just ups and changes again. He’s my slippery slope. I think he’ll be the death of me…and this is way too much information given the…” He waved vaguely at the stairs.
Tim shook his head fondly. “Then take the spare room, Ben, and just sleep. Even for a few hours. You’ve been thinking too much for too long, if you ask me. I guess you’ll need clarity and focus now for what you have to do—if you go through with it.”
Ben took the laptop with him, reluctant now to let it out of his sight. Radulf followed him to the bedroom and took the opportunity of being in a stranger’s house to climb onto the bed. Ben let him. He wanted the comfort. He was even more pathetic than he thought, having a scruffy hound in bed with him rather than the gorgeous, eminently beddable professor of ethics he could hear undressing in the next room. Being in love was a total bitch.
§§§
Ben left Devon with a slightly lighter heart. He headed home and arrived in London by mid-morning. Nikolas was in the kitchen, for once not smoking. He was standing at the window, watching a cat negotiating the garden wall. “Hello, stranger.”
Ben put the computer on the table. “We need to talk.”
Nikolas didn’t turn around. “About your latestovernighttrip to Devon?”
“Oh, fuck off, you idiot, and sit down.” Nikolas turned, a flash of real anger in his eyes, until he saw Ben’s expression.
“What’s wrong?”
Ben nodded at the chair. Nikolas sat down. Ben leant forward and told him everything—including what he intended to do about it. Then he added, “I slept with the bloody dog, by the way. In case you missed the last month—I loveyou, you moron.”
Nikolas toyed with the computer, turning it around in small circles, thinking.
“How will you kill him?”
Ben let out a breath of relief. He’d wanted Tim’s advice, but he needed—craved—Nikolas’s affirmation. He always had.
