“What?”
“Clothes? For riding? Out of uniform?”
“I—am I going somewhere?”
“Clearly, or I would not be here asking you this.” He had spied a valise and was rummaging in it. He pulled out a shirt, threw it to me, and then found a coat, and that followed the shirt. “Quick. Put them on and come with me.”
“What is happening?” Had I been… dismissed? I could see from his expression that I would get nothing further from him, so I did as he commanded and removed my uniform jacket and shirt and donned the ones I had worn to Hesse-Davia.
“Do you have any weapons, Doctor? You seem poorly armed.”
I wanted to retort that I was a doctor not a solider but held my tongue and went to my medical box. I pulled up the top layer and set it to one side. Beneath was a collection of knives. They were of the finest quality steel. I carried the largest in my boot at all times, but the others I had left off wearing, as a general rule, once I had settled in England. Now I stowed them around my person, and my warm body welcomed their cold steel like old friends. I could see from his expression that he had not expected this. I wondered if Aleksey had told him of the night I had demonstrated my knife-fighting prowess. Probably—he seemed to tell him everything else. I was still fighting my intense jealousy of Johan. IwantedJohan to be Aleksey’s father, but occasionally I reverted to my more base assumption that they were lovers. All I knew was that I felt almost sick with repressed tension every time I saw this scarred man. I desperately wanted to ask him if Aleksey had ordered this dismissal or whether he, the colonel, had taken it upon himself to rid the prince of my presence for good, seeing as I seemed to do nothing but make his precious Aleksey angry.
I had a feeling Johan had answered that question at last—can he be trusted—and that the answer was not favorable.
We marched through the silent, dark lines with only the occasional sound of a snore or a shout accompanying us. It was bitterly cold. Aleksey had been right in his silly chitchat that day; it did feel like snow. We walked out beyond the sentries, the colonel taking the opportunity to speak with them, check their orders and the password, and generally roust them a little. They looked alert but cold. Once we’d left the encampment, it was harder to walk, for we had no light at all. I was immensely pleased to see the colonel stumble once or twice. He had not spent most of his life with people who were at one with their mother the moon and their brothers the stars. I had, and I moved with catlike grace alongside his noisy progress.
Someone else had clearly heard him, for a voice came out of the darkness. “Now you see, Johan, why I chose him, yes?”
The colonel only grunted as we came to shadowy figures: Aleksey holding two horses. Xavier snuffled nervously and came toward me. I was incandescent with rage that they had taken him from his place on the line, saddled him, and brought him here. It was as if they’d used my body for something without permission.
Aleksey saw something of what I was thinking, for he laid a hand on my arm and said simply, “He knew me.”
I almost forgave him at his quick understanding that I had not liked the thought of a stranger handling my horse, bringing him out like this where he would be distressed. Ialmostforgave him, but not entirely. I was feeling a little distressed myself. Clandestine meetings in the dark to say good-bye—I was thoroughly confused and off balance. Aleksey swung up into his saddle with only the slightest of grimaces and indicated for me to do likewise.
I refused and stood my ground. “Tell me now what this is about. Are you accompanying me partway? Are you going to expound upon my faults as we ride, to give yourself the satisfaction that you did this in a soldierly way?”
He stared at me for a moment. I heard Johan mumble some words, of which I only caught “idiots, same mold, deserve each other.” He gave Aleksey a long look, then moved back toward the camp. We were alone. Aleksey’s horse was twisting, eager to be doing something. He calmed her.
“I have absolutely no idea what you just said, Doctor. Mount up. I’m cold. I have been waiting here for hours.”
I doubted this, as the ground was frosty, and I could see the tracks he’d made, no less fresh than ours. However, I did as he asked, for itwascold, and I wanted this over. I didn’t want a long chastisement or farewell. I was suddenly glad to be rid of them all.
For the first time, I noticed he was not in uniform either. Neither was he wearing his usual leather and silk nor sporting his favorite boots. He was dressed soberly in nondescript breeches and a jacket that looked as if it had seen better days. For one ridiculous moment, I thought that maybe he had been sacked too. Thankfully, I did not attempt to articulate this thought and make myself appear even more slow on the uptake. Fortunately, I realized that we were riding east not west and that there was no sign of Faelan. Aleksey never went anywhere without his shadow.
I reined in. “I’m not going another step until you tell me what this is about.”
He reined in as well and turned his horse so we were side by side, facing each other. “We are going to Saxefalia.”
“What…?” Suddenly it all became clear. “Asspies? You are going to spy on the enemy?”
“Weare going to spy on the enemy.”
I was furious. “You are a prince, Aleksey. It is not your job. Youhavespies to do this kind of work.”
He nodded. “I do, but they have not returned. And I am the ideal person, actually. I speak the language and know the customs. Who better?”
He had me there. I tried to think of a good reason why he could not do this, other than the obvious one: it was too dangerous, and I was terrified of losing him. I was not unaware, of course, that I did not actuallyhavehim, but I would take this semifriendship and all the arguing and fighting over losing him entirely. Finally I settled on asking, “So why me? Surely you have more competent officers who could accompany you.”
He grinned, a flash of perfect white teeth in the darkness. “Oh, probably, but I didn’t want them. I wanted someone who was not soldierly.”
“What do you mean by that?” I’d taken this as an insult, of course. What man would not bristle a little at being told he was not soldierly?
Aleksey rolled his eyes, as if pandering to my vanity was too much effort to make. “You do not behave around me as the others do, Niko. You have no stiffness and respect for authority or rank—particularly mine! You will not slip up and call me sir or Your Highness or bow or, God forbid, salute. I have never seen anyone ride like you or fight like you. You are too tall to be a native of Hesse-Davia, and your hair and skin sets you apart from all in these lands. You look like a god from a mythical distant place of sunshine, and I wantyou. There, is that enough, or should I go on and expound upon your exceptional beauty and how we might usethatto our advantage as spies?”
“No, I think that is sufficient for now.” I walked Xavier slowly forward. Aleksey turned his horse and caught up to ride alongside. Once more, he had called me beautiful. He’d called me a god. He said he wanted me. I had some pleasant things to dwell on to keep the cold at bay.
Whilst I had many skills, enduring the cold was not something I could boast about. I had been raised in warm climes where for most of the year we could live with little covering, day or night. In the winter, we had cold and snow, but we also had furs, excellent dwellings, and good food. I had never been able to tolerate the cold as well since leaving the colonies. English cold was particularly difficult to endure, with its associated damp and habit of coming one day and leaving the next. Its unpredictability always caught me out. I had not been looking forward to campaigning in the winter with Aleksey’s army, but in camp I had a tent with a wood stove and a warm uniform. Now I had none of these things. I was dressed, in my view, wholly inadequately for such a cold night. I began to shiver, and not in little shakes, but the deep body jerks that I always felt preceded death. I glanced over at Aleksey, clenching my teeth to stop my jaw rattling. “Are you not cold?”
