“I’m sure I was. I remember worse, but think….” I touched him very lightly on his temple, where the bruising was the worst. He winced, perhaps expecting me to lash out again. “Why did I hit you here?”
“Because you are an untrustworthy bastard?”
I smiled. “I meant here specifically and not… I don’t know… on your shoulder.”
“Don’t be so irritating. You know why. Because I would not have lost my senses as I did had you hit me on my shoulder.”
“Why?”
“Why? Well… I don’t know why! Because my brain is in my head?”
“I’m glad you can confirm that; I had wondered. So, why does hitting you here affect your brain? I only hit bone.”
“I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, all right? I am not a doctor.”
“But you are a soldier, and you know where to hit forunconsciousness, where to stab for death, where to stab to incapacitate, but you don’t knowwhy; you can’texplainit. Well, it is like that with dirt. I see that poor people who live surrounded by dirt die very quickly when they are only slightly injured, but that wealthy people can sometimes survive much graver wounds. Why is that?”
“Perhaps the rich are better fed and less anxious.”
I frowned and looked at him closely. He looked embarrassed by his comment, but I shook my head. “No, that was the first wise thing I think I have heard exiting your mouth. I might make a doctor of you yet.” I sank a little into myself. “You might do better than I. For all that I know, I cannot seem to save your father. On second thoughts, do not bother to listen to me. Keep your nails as dirty as you wish.”
“No, I’ll clean them now, or you’ll think about the dirt every time I touch you.”
I stood up rapidly and went toward the balcony. I heard him sigh. Let him. I was tired of playing his games for today. I only liked playing games if I knew I would win. Win or lose, I had the distinct feeling that playing with Aleksey was dangerous for my health.
CHAPTER 11
AFTERAmonth of near fasting, I was very hungry by dinnertime. I had Stephen show me the way down to the banqueting hall. The evening meal was not to be taken in the airy dining room I had eaten luncheon in but in the more formal and ancient hall in honor of the king’s return to health. Something of an impromptu celebration had been ordered. There was to be entertainment: music and dancing. Stephen was so excited I thought he would be sick, and I warned him that if he disgraced his new position I would ban him from ever attending me again. He nodded solemnly, and I could not then get another word out of him as he led me through the dark hallways. I noticed that the castle seemed much colder and gloomier now than it had upon my arrival. I had been here nearly five weeks by my reckoning, and winter was coming.
The hall was festive with sweet-smelling rushes upon the floor and hangings of greenery. This time the tables were arranged in the shape of a large flattened U. Important royals sat on the short joining table at the top, and the rest of us arranged ourselves down the two long arms. I was annoyed to find myself sitting next to Prince John at the very top of one of the legs. I thought they might at least have seated a lady between us, for form’s sake, but as the meal got underway it occurred to me that he might have engineered the seating arrangement. Aleksey was seated diagonally across from me at the very farthest end of the short table. I was surprised at this, as his brother sat next to the king, until I realized with a smile that Aleksey was nearest the door that led out to the formal garden. He got the benefit of the cool air and the opportunity to disappear every once in a while with no one noticing his absence—except me.
At first I made polite conversation with John and found him to be witty and clever, well read, and relatively well informed. He was also curious, a trait that endears in anyone, for he was genuine in his interest in my experiences and listened attentively when I spoke. I gave him the same courtesy, and we were getting along famously until he said after a slight pause, “I hear you had an unfortunate experience on your journey, Doctor.”
I asked him again to call me Nikolai, and he nodded briefly in assent. I think he knew I was dissembling. Finally I had to admit that I had witnessed both the burning of an old lady and the impalement of a young man.
He nodded sagely. “Witches are a curse, but I am more interested in the boy. Did he speak at all—at the end?” He dabbed his lips with his napkin and waved for a servant to bring him a clean one.
“He was not in any condition to speak, Your Highness. I believe he was screaming too much.”
He winced, nodding. “Was anything said by his accusers of the man with whom he had been discovered?”
I hesitated. I was watching his hands. He was sitting with the casual, slouched aspect of one who finds life full of ennui—except for his hands. Here he betrayed himself. I do not think he even realized that he had one fingernail digging into the palm of his hand so hard he was bleeding. I lifted my eyes slowly. I held his gaze until he had to look away. “I believe they knew who he had been with, yes. But they did not tell me.”
He was apparently now engaged in trying to get a servant to refresh his wine. When he had succeeded in his aim, he took a long swallow of the blood-red liquid and turned once more to me. “It is fortunate that you do not know the identity of the man, Nikolai, is it not?”
“Why, sir?”
“Because then you would be in some jeopardy. He might fear that you would use this discovery to your advantage.”
I swallowed deeply and turned back to my own wine for a moment, taking the time to drink slowly, thinking. Finally I said abruptly, “I would never do that.”
He had noticed his bleeding hand and was dabbing it with his clean napkin. “Many men would.”
“I am not many men.”
He nodded. “No, you are not, Nikolai. You are not indeed.” He slid his hand onto my thigh. I was as shocked as if he’d turned, there and then in front of everyone, and kissed me. But shock was not my only emotion. There was desire too. It sickened me. His hand began to move slowly up my leg. The warmth was indescribable. I swelled and stretched to reach it but did not need to as he found me. I swallowed deeply, then glanced down. His palm had left a smear of red upon the cloth. I was marked by this sin as surely as if I had initiated it.
I jerked my leg away, felt sweat upon my brow.
