"If that's what you want,"I murmur, desperately trying to feign nonchalance.I turn to headinto the house before my lip biting gives me away, but Sam grabs myarm, looking like he's wrestling with something profound.Itunsettles me.
"It's not."Another handthrough his hair."It's not what I want, Ror.What I want is tospend every night with you.What I want is to beg you to move intomy place instead of your dorm.I just…shit,Ror.I'm scared.I don't want tofuck this up.I don't want you to get sick of me."
I want to laugh, thethought is ridiculous, but his sincerity overwhelms me.
"God, Sam, you still don'tget it, do you?"
His lack of response tellsme he really doesn't.
"I don't want a break fromyou.I'm not gonna get sick of you.I don't want to sleep withoutyou.I'm not even sure Icananymore."Not that I really got much sleepwithout him before, either."I don't want to fuck this up either.But… I also don't want you to leave."
Sam looks at once relievedand full of awe.
"Just… just please comeinside."
He does.He grabs his bagand follows me up the stairs.The house is quiet, my mother asleep,and for the first time we don't take turns washing up.We brush ourteeth side by side and it's remarkably domestic.But the strangestpart is how comfortable it all feels.I sense a shadow of myfuture, and it whispers that I could really havethis—him—forever.
If I don't screw it allup.
****
The sun blares through my open drapes making it impossible tosleep any longer.I yawn and stretch my back.Sam tightens his armsaround my waist from behind me, telling me he's not ready for me toget up yet.I feel him hard against my hip, telling me heisready for somethingelse.I wiggle against him in encouragement and hegroans.
He's definitely awakenow.
Sam's lips find that spoton my neck just below my ear and I sigh, increasing my pressure asI push back harder against him.He groans again before pulling backaway from me and giving me some slack in his arms.I don't wantit.
I turn around so I'mfacing him and slide my leg over his hip.His features screw up asif he's in pain, but he presses himself against me anyway."You'rekilling me, baby," he rasps."I promised your mom I'd berespectful, remember?"
He must not have realizedhow late we've slept."It's nearly nine, Sam.My mother left forwork hours ago."
His eyes widen and heglances at my clock as if he needs confirmation.
"Well in thatcase…"
And just like that I'm onmy back and Sam is exactly where I want him.
He holds me afterwards andwhispers to me about his plans for moving into his new apartment.Since he's going to start working with his uncle in two weeks, he'sgoing to move into the city before then.He wants me to come withhim.If not to move in officially, at least to spend most nights.He wants me to come see the apartment this week.He wants me tofeel comfortable there.He'll even stay here some nights if itmakes it easier, he says.And then we can go to the Hamptons anyweekend I want.
He whispers all of thissoftly into my ear, painting a picture of our summer that almostseems far too wonderful to be real.He may as well be recitingpoetry for the effect he's having on me.I sigh in pleasure, butdon't say anything, I just let him keep talking.
Eventually he trails off,but his fingers continue their trademark exploration of my skin,lingering on their favorite spots—my shoulder, my collarbone, myhip bones—and I break out in goose bumps.
I can't believe we'rereally here, really getting ready to begin our future.Really freeof Robin.
Not foreverthough.
"Seven years," I breathewithout even thinking.
I both hear and feel Sam'ssharp intake of air.I shouldn't have brought up Robin.I didn'teven mean to do it.But now he’s here, in this room, taking up morespace than he deserves.
"Yeah," Samwhispers.
"It's a long time…but…"
"Not long enough.I know,baby."His tone makes me think that this is a thought he's hadbefore."But a lot can happen in seven years.And it will be tenunless he behaves, which I doubt he's even capable of."He keepshis voice soft and soothing.But he's not just trying to placateme, he really believes this.That everything will work out.And soI try and let myself believe it too.
Sam's right.Anything canhappen within the next seven years.Except Robin getting out ofprison, and it's a comforting thought.Maybe by then he'll forgetabout me.
