"You can't know that!"Hedoesn't know what it's like—the suddenness of death.Cam was thereone minute, holding me and comforting me, and the next, he was goneforever.
"You're right.I can't.But I do know that whatever happens, whoever tries to hurt you,whatever ends up happening, I'm always better off for being withyou.There's no kind of life worth giving you up for," he saysmeaningfully.
"Well maybe I just feelthe same way.What then?"
Sam smiles wistfully."Then maybe I understand why you did what you did."
There's a long silencewhere we just stare at one another, at an impasse, and at the sametime, coming to an understanding.
"I'm sorry I lied to you,"I whisper.
"I'm sorry for being atotal hypocrite."
I don't bother pretendingI don't know what he's referring to.The lie of the Facebookmessage may have lasted only a few hours, but it came from the sameplace, one of wanting to protect the person he loved, and it causedpain.And I know just like me, he regrets the lie, regrets thepain, but doesn't regret where it came from.
"No more lies."It's mypromise and my request.
"No more lies, baby," heagrees before pulling me back into his arms.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Ilead Rory back inside and guide her back to our bed.It stillirks me, knowing the real reason she ended things with me.All thistime I blamed myself.All of the things that upset her—my fighting,almost getting arrested—I was sure it was too much for her tohandle.ThatIwas.After all, it was what she told me.And now to find outthat she'd blamed herself, that she thought she wasprotectingme…Ican't help it, it makes me angry.
But not withher.
With myself.
I should have known whatshe was doing.And if I wasn't so blinded by my own self-loathing,I would have.
It makes perfect sense ofcourse.I knew she blamed herself for that accident.She told me asmuch.
He died Sam, and it wasall my fault.
I should have nipped thatin the bud back then.But she wasn't ready to hear it.I hate thatshe lived in such fearforme.That she ended us because she blamedherself for the death of the last boy she loved and she couldn'tbear the thought that I could be next.It wasn't rational, but Iunderstand it all the same.I just wish I knew it then, wish Icould have talked sense into her.
All of this heartache hasbeen for nothing.
But at the same time, Ifinally understood something.
That Rory really loves me.That she loves me like I love her.Enough to sacrifice herown happiness for my well being.To know that she loved me all thistime, that she was hurting all this time, just because she thoughtit was the right thing forme… it's pretty damnhumbling.
"How could you ever thinkI could hate you?"I murmur as I run my lips over hercollarbone.
"I… You were so mad," shesays nervously.
True."I'm going to getupset sometimes, Ror.But I could never hate you.Don't ever thinkthat," I tell her.
She sighs.I love thesound.
"I wanted to talk to youabout something."It's probably not the best time to bring it up,but we don't exactly have a whole lot of time.
"What?"She asks, watchingme warily.I guess the last time I said that it started thatargument.I hope this doesn't start another one.
"Come with me to theprom."Shit.Too blunt.I meant to ease into it.Her eyes widen andI watch her long, delicate throat as she swallowsanxiously.
"I don't think I can,Sam."But she sounds unsure.
"Of course you can," Iencourage her.
