We get back uptown prettyquickly thanks to the late hour, and we're in my car headingthrough the Midtown Tunnel by one a.m.
Rory tunes the radio to aclassic rock station, and neither of us says much for the durationof the ride.There's nothing to say.Or there's too much tosay.
The last real conversationwe had she was asking me to give us another shot, and though I wassure—amsure—thatit was a reaction to my abhorrent decision to push her away, andthen my flirting with that girl right in front of her the nightbefore, I can't help but wonder if maybe it was real.If maybeitisreal.
But I meant it when I saidthat she needed to be completely sure about what she wants beforewe can even consider a relationship again.We have too much tolose.It was an incredible realization.That even as I felt as iflife couldn't get any worse, that it could.That we could hurt eachother even more.That she could utterly destroy me.
Would I take the chance?Hell yes I would.But only if she meant it.Only if she was sure.Because if I'm going to risk losing our friendship—which is exactlywhat another breakup could mean—then it's going to be for a realshot at the something more I'd thought we had in Miami.
So I told her to takeuntil Monday.And here we are, on Saturday night, in some kind oflimbo of hope and fear.But I'll take it, because I'm pretty damnsure that Monday will bring with it a hell full of renewedheartbreak and disappointment.
We reach her house tooquickly and neither of us moves when I pull up in front of it.I'mnot ready to let her go.I'm still shaken from the way the nightturned, and though Rory is being her badass, tough-girl self, theway she fidgets with the threads from the rip in her jeans and thesubtle tremor of her fingers gives her away.
I just want to fuckinghold her.But what I don't want?I don't want to pretend likeeverything is fine.I don't want her to feel like she has to wearher mask—the one she didn't want to put on to go back into theclub—for me.
"That was fucked uptonight, Ror.I—" I cut myself off from apologizing again, knowingshe'd only reject it."I hate that you have to go through shit likethat," I say instead.
Rory offers me a smallsmile."Thanks, Sam.But I'm okay.It was just a shock, I guess,"she admits.Her smile fades as she watches me."Looks like you'vebeen put through it, too," she hedges.
Nothing gets past her withme.Nothing ever did.I don't bother denying it.I nod."I… careabout you.You know that.Makes me crazy to see you under attacklike that."
She reaches over and takesmy hand.I hold on for dear life."Thank you for that," she saysmeaningfully.
My free hand finds it'sway back to her cheek in a soft caress.A loving caress.I justcan’t stop touching her.
I care aboutyou.It's the understatement of thecentury.But what else could I say right now?The truth?I fucking love you more than my ownlife?
I can't help letting mygaze fall to her perfect pink lips.I want to kiss her more thananything, but, of course, I can't.I meant it when I told her Iwanted her to be sure about what she wants from us, and the ball issolely in her court.And the last thing I want is to cloud herjudgment with the lust I know I can stir in her—much to mysatisfaction.
Rory's lips part and hereyes close in a yawn.She's still not getting enough sleep.Fuck,and how will she sleep tonight?After seeing that bitch whotormented her for months?
"You need to sleep, babygirl," I tell her, letting the endearment slip from my lips for thesecond time tonight.
Again, she lets it go, orperhaps, she even revels in it.Or maybe I'm foolingmyself.
She slips on anothersmall, ironic smile."Not likely, Sam.But I should get to bedanyway."
She makes to pull her handfrom mine, but I tighten my grip."Let me hold you."The words flyfrom my mouth without a thought.But I don't take them back.Sheneeds to sleep and I can keep her nightmares away.I know Ican.
Her brows pinch togetheragain, as if she doesn't understand what I'm asking."What—"
"Let me come inside, andjust hold you.Just so you can sleep."I'm practically begging her,but I don't care.That's how desperate I am for her to give methis.
"Sam, I…" She looks at mewith such emotion that I know she wants this too.That she knowsI'm right.But then she deflates, and her eyes trail down to ourjoined hands."My mom's home.How can you… you can't just sleepover."But her tone tells me she wishes I could.And Ican.
"Just sneak me in.It'slate.She won't wake up.I'll leave before dawn.She'll never know.And I mean it—I just want to hold you.No funny business, Ipromise, Ror."
That small smile playsback upon her lips."Funnybusiness?"
I bite my lip.Yeah,funnybusiness.Like the last time we slept inthe same bed.But I don't say it, becauseI have no intention of letting it happen again.No casual sex forus.I meant what I said.It's got to be all or nothing.
But I can hold her.I canhelp her get some sleep.I fucking need to.
"You know exactly what I'mtalking about," I say instead, smirking wryly at her, and sheflushes a gorgeous shade of pink.
She shakes her head."You're going to get me in so much trouble," shegrumbles.
Yeah.Right back at you,baby girl.
