As soon as he shifts hisweight to try and get up, I strike again, hammering my fists intothe sides of his face in quick succession.This time, I go downwith him, pinning him to the cold concrete with my weight, knowinghe won't be getting up again.
He makes a patheticattempt to fight back, his limbs barely twitching with all of hisexertion, and I let out a low, sinister chuckle at hisefforts.
I grab him by his hair andslam his head into the pavement, but only once, though every cellin my arm aches to do it again, and again, until he no longerexists.Until I know with a blessed certainty that he can neverthreaten Rory ever again.
But I am not myself.I amnot theCapwithanger and impulse control issues.I am in full control, calculatingmy every move, and I'm painfully aware that I can't kill thismotherfucker right now in this alley, not with all of these peoplearound and Rory barely fifty feet away.
And I need him conscious.I need to get my message across.Because it's the last one I'lldeliver him.He'll either heed it or he won't, and if he doesn't,the next time I'll make sure he doesn't walk away breathing, nomatter what the consequences.
"Hey," I say, slapping hischeeks to keep his attention."Stay with me,tough guy, I'm not doneyet."
I wait for his gaze toclear, and then I hit him again, immensely enjoying the way hishead snaps sideways, twisting in an almost impossible angle until Ishove it back to face me.
"Look at me," I growl,slapping him again, needing his focus.
I know it won't take muchmore before he's completely knocked out, so I shift my attentionlower, landing solid shots to his stomach and sides, relishing hisagonized grunts, the feel of my fists pounding into his kidneys.Isavor the deep whoosh of air leaving his body as I pound hisdiaphragm, the gratifying sounds of his desperatewheezing.
I give him a moment as hegasps for breath, allowing him enough air to stay cognizant of whatI'm about to explain.Because how seriously he takes my words canbe the difference between life and death.And not Rory's,his.
I watch him carefully ashe blinks into some semblance of focus.
"Cap…" Tucker warns.He'sanxious.I can only imagine the look in my eyes in this moment, andit must be fucking murderous.
But I ignore my bestfriend, and am only even vaguely aware of him in my peripheral,nervously shifting his weight from foot to foot.
"Cap—"
I hold up one hand tostifle him without breaking my gaze from the piece of shit lyingbloody on the ground beneath me, and then redirect that hand to histhroat.I exert enough pressure to restrict his airway, giving himonly the smallest taste of what he put Rory through, and as much asmy fingers ache to tighten and end him, I forcibly restrainmyself.
"I should kill you."Ikeep my voice calm and clear, trying to compensate for the factthat he's obviously fighting to stay conscious."YouknowI should kill you.You know it's what you deserve.After everything you did to Rory,you disgusting, pathetic piece of fucking shit."I take a moment tore-gather my control before I start gnashing my teeth at him."Butdespite the fact that you fucking deserve it, and that I'm fuckingitching to do it…"
My hand twitches like afucking addict hurting for a fix.If I just squeeze a littleharder, or deliver just a couple more good hits, I can make sure hecan never hurt Rory again—I can punish him for ever hurting her atall.I can rid this world of the worst fucking kind ofmonster.
But I wont.
"Instead, I'm going to dowhat I knowshewould tell me to do.I'm going to make the choice I knowshe'd want me to, even though you just beat and tried to fuckingviolate her,again,"I growl.
And I am.Because Rorytaught me in one afternoon what Dr.Schall couldn't quite getthrough to me for years.I have a choice to do things better.Tobebetter.Andthough I know the violence I've doled out tonight wasn't solely toget my point across—that it gave me a kind of satisfaction thatmakes me a complete hypocrite, it's not even close to what I wantto do.And that—that self-restraint, the difference between whatI've done and what I want to do—is all Rory.Even though she is outof sight, safe under the watch of my friends, I feel her rightbeside me, whispering in my ear and holding meback.
"I'm going to let youlive, but you arenotfucking going to get away with this,thatI promise you.And if you everso much as step in the same state Rory is in, I swear to fuckingGod, I will do the world a fucking favor, and end you.And I'llenjoy every goddamned second of it, too."
He sucks in the wisps ofair I allow.And I allow him enough to keep him conscious, but notmuch more.His eyes bulge with fear and desperation, bothbloodshot, black and blue, and one swelling shut.
I lean in closer,practically snarling at him in revulsion and contempt.I thought Iknew what hate was, spent so many years sure I hated my father, butmy feelings for him are borderline apathetic compared to what Ifeel for this piece of garbage.My father is an asshole, but thiscreature… he is the worst fucking kind of evil, and I wish withevery part of me that I could vanquish him for good here andnow.
I nod toward Tucker butdon't take my eyes off of that motherfucking bastard for a moment."He's not going to intervene.If that's what you were hoping.Sure,he's scared that I'll take this too far, but he doesn't think I'dactually kill you.Not intentionally.
"But he doesn't know whatyou and I know.He doesn't know Rory, not really.He doesn't knowjust what she's worth risking.Butyoudo.After all, you're here,ignoring a fucking restraining order, risking your freedom to getto her."I pause a moment, glaring at him, allowing him to reallyunderstand how dead fucking serious I am, and say my next wordsslowly and carefully.
"What do you thinkIwould risk to keep hersafe?"I raise my eyebrows."You think I wouldn't riskmyfreedom to keep youfrom her?"I let that sink in a moment, before tightening my griponly half as much as I want to."If you ever so much as think aboutcoming after her again, I won't hesitate to do what I really wantto do right now…What a large part of me feels like Ishoulddo—"
"Cap..."Tucker is more worried now.He probably doesn't even recognize me, in total control of myviolence, and I've given him good reason to make him think I'mabout to slip.
Although my words are notfor my best friend, I know he's heard every word.A few months agohe might not have understood.Hell, a few months ago, neither wouldI.But I know Tucker, and I see the way he looks at Carl, and Idoubt there's much he wouldn't do for her, whether he knows it yetor not.
I smirk down at thebastard."He's getting it now.He understands.Even if he's notready to admit it to himself.But all you need to understand isthat he won't try and stop me."I tighten my grip even more,finally closing his airway and letting him panic for a couple ofseconds while he pitifully attempts to try and resist.
You fucking bastard, thisis only a fraction of what you did to Rory.
