The wind blows stronger than usual and I wonder if that storm is going to wait until tomorrow after all. But it's still pretty warm, and I'm not exactly comfortable in my black turtleneck.
Two hours have gone by and Cam has yet to ask me about Robin, but his inquisitive glances have increased in frequency, and I know it's coming.
Finally, he closes his journal. He scoots closer to where I sit, hugging my knees to my chest. I can't lay on my front like usual, my gash hurts too much. I can't lean back against the tree as Cam was, my back hurts too much. I can't even lean back on my hands because my damned wrists hurt too much.
Cam's eyes meet mine. "You got somethin' on under that?" he asks, throwing a nod at my turtleneck.
"No, why?"
He grins. "Because you're sweatin', Rory girl,"
I smack him in the arm. "Hey! I am not." I totally am. "And anyway, girls don't sweat, we glisten," I correct him.
"I see. Well, in that case, you're glistenin' like a pig," he smirks. I swat at his arm again and we both laugh. But after another minute he gets to the point. "You gonna tell me about Forbes?" he asks softly.
I sigh. "It just wasn't workin' out. We broke up. It's over."
Cam's gaze doesn't waver. "Now I have a hard time believin' he broke things off with you, Rory girl."
I start playing with a tall blade of grass Iripped from the ground."No. Not exactly. I guess I broke up with him," I concede. I rip out two more and begin weaving them together with the first.
"You think it's gonna stick?"
I nod. "Yeah, Cam. I'm done." I lock my eyes with his so he knows I mean it.
Now he nods. "Your daddy know yet?"
I shake my head.
Cam lets out a long, low whistle. "He ain't gonna be happy."
I busy myself weaving the braided grass into a second and third braid. "Nope. I doubt he'll ever speak to me again," I mutter numbly.He probably won't ever even look at me again.My eyes sting as I acknowledge to myself that any relationship I had left with my father is over. He will never forgive me, of that I have no doubt.
"Like I said, he ain't gonna be happy, but he'll get over it, Rory girl. He'll understand," Cam counters.
I shake my head. "He won't. Mayor Forbes told him that Robin's been talkin' about proposin'. Gettin' married. Daddy told me not to fuck it up. Even though... no matter what, I mean," I catch myself. "He won't get over my throwin' away the chance at makin' him father-in-law to a pro quarterback. Not a chance."
Cam takes the braided grass from my hand in an effort to get me to make eye contact with him. "Even though what, Ror?"
Of course he caught that. I look back down and yank another blade of grass from the ground. "Even though I told him it wasn't what I wanted," I say quietly. It isn't exactly a lie, which is why I'm able to say it to Cam. But I can't bring myself to look him in the eye as I do.
"Forbes ain't as stupid as I thought," he murmurs under his breath.
"What do you mean?"
Cam shrugs. "I mean about wantin' to marry you... Did he... did he talk to you about it?"
I nod. "Not about proposin'. Just like in general, I guess."
Cam takes a deep breath. "Were you, uh, considerin' it?" His voice has grown quiet and tentative. Not like Cam at all.
I shake my head. No. I was never really considering it. "Not really. Like, in the beginning I guess it sounded okay in the abstract. When it was like 'I wanna marry you someday'. Someday just never seemed real, you know? I think I was mostly just flattered. But as soon as it became a potential reality... No. I was never considerin' it."
Cam breathes a sigh of relief. He takes my hand and places it in his lap. I'm careful to grip the end of my sleeve to keep it from riding up and revealing my bruised wrist. He wraps the braided grass around my cotton clad wrist and begins to weave the ends together.
"I ain't sure I coulda handled that, Ror. You marryin' Forbes, I mean. Now... someday... ever."
His admission drowns me in guilt. I know how unfair my relationship has been to my friendship with Cam. How much has changed this year because of it. And though I tried to convince myself that much of the change was normal - the way things were supposed to be - I realize how willingly foolish I've been. Yes, of course I would eventually have dated, met someone, spent less time with Cam. But I've missed him so bad it hurt. And how is that normal? Not to be able to hug my best friend? To have to sneak in time with him. How could I ever consider a forever of that? Even for someone I really did love.
