I close and lock the door, ensuring the deadbolt is tightly secure. Not a minute later, my mother calls me into the living room where she's watching The Daily Show and going over a legal brief.
"So what is this about Miami? You haven't even mentioned it..."
"What were you and Sam talking about?" I counter.
She considers me a moment. "How much does he know?" she asks.
I don't say anything.
"Rory?"
"More now that you said that thing about the last boy who made me promises."
My mom sighs. "I'm sorry, Rory. I was just thrown by the whole spring break thing, and him saying he'd look out for you. And, by the way, you failed to mention your new friend was a bonafide supermodel. A warning might have been expedient, you know."
I roll my eyes. "What did you say to him?" I press, worried now.
She shakes her head. "It's not what I said, it's what he said..."
I give her a look to urge her on, and she does.
"He told me about his sister. That she went through a tough time, too. Then he said that he doesn't really know any details about what happened with you, but he knows you've been hurt, but that you're doing better than you realize. He insisted that you can handle going away with your friends, and that he would look out for you since he's used to looking out for his sister. He seemed so sincere... He said that obviously someone betrayed you, and me too, but that we can trust him. That he cares about you."
I sit down on the sofa, dumbstruck. "He saw me have a panic attack my first day of school."
"You never told me that," my mother accuses.
"Then I slapped him when I thought he was hitting on me. At a party. But he was just... looking out for me. And I accused him of tricking me into being alone with him in the library. And I had another attack, but he stopped it."
"He stopped it? What are you talking about? You mean your medicine stopped it," she corrects me, but I shake my head.
"No. Sam said I didn't need a pill, and he just... hugged me. Until I calmed down. And I did. I was... fine."
"You werealonewith him?" my mother asks, eyes alight with both concern and hope.
I nod. "A few times now. He's my friend. He's not gonna hurt me," I murmur, realizing how fervently I believe it.
My mom sighs. "Okay, Rory. Why don't you go to bed. We'll talk about this Miami thing tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay."
ELEVEN
C H R I S T M A S B R E A K, L A S T Y E A R
INEVER CONFRONTEDRobin about the perfume, and I'm not sure why. The thing is, he never told me we were exclusive, and I still haven't found the courage to ask. I think I'm afraid of what he might say.
On one hand, it feels like aridiculous question. We've been seeing each other nearly four months, and now that Christmas is over and my parents have gone down to care for my grandmother again, I'm staying at the Forbes' for four days. Lacey invited me, but my dad is the one who told me I'd be staying there. He said it wasn't right for me to sleep at another man's house when I'm seeing Robin - not that either of us has ever referred to my best freaking friend in the world as "another man" before. But it's stuff like that that makes it seem obvious that Robin's my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll just laugh if I ask him if he is. I have no experience with this, and I definitely don't want him to laugh at me.
Or he could say we're not exclusive. That we're just dating - not boyfriend and girlfriend. And I think I'm more afraid of that. And what right do I have to accuse him of stepping out on me when he's never even said he was mine?
I never told Cam what happened that night in the guest room. He'd have completely lost it, I have no doubt, and the absolute last thing I need is a fight between my best friend and my... whatever Robin is. But thankfully, it hasn't happened again.
But Robin has done other things.
He's been more subtle about pressuring me for the most part. Only when he's been drinking is he on the more aggressive side. Now that football season is over, we both have more time on our hands, and we've been spending a lot of it together. It also means he's been drinking more. We're not alone much, except in one of our cars, and he did get especially handsy last week when I drove him home after a party. He made me cry again, but he spent the rest of the week making it up to me. I didn't tell Cam about that either.
Now we're all at yet another party down by the lake. The December night air is mildly chilled, and I've already had two beers - the most I've ever had. I'm feeling a little buzzed, I guess, but I'm not sure I really like it and I'm ready to get to bed. Lacey's driving so I do a quick scan to find her, but neither she nor Robin are anywhere in sight. I make my way back toward the dirt lot where everyone is parked, and though I still don't see anyone, I hear voices so I follow them. But I pause when I hear my name.
