The torrent of activity is a blur. Sam's arms are twisted behind his back as an officer slaps handcuffs on him. I'm vaguely aware of my father murmuring accusations while showing his palms in an offer of pacifism before straightening his tie. He is not handcuffed, but he is led off by a different officer nonetheless. But he takes a moment to look back over his shoulder and shoots me that glare. It is the same look he gave me the morning I told him about Robin. He is warning me, but though I can do nothing more than gape back at him, I will not heed his warning. Not this time. If Robin gets away with what he's done, it won't be because I was too weak to tell the truth.
Sam is taken away and I am left here, frozen and alone.
It's a long time before I pull myself together enough to act.
My worst fears have all been realized. My father is here to save Robin,he hit Sam, and Sam is in trouble - inhandcuffs, and could even be arrested for all I know.
Reality floods in, bitter and unforgiving, as if to taunt me for doubting it for even a moment. I am a selfish girl. I knew better.
But now I know, beyond a shadow of any doubt, what I have to do. And so I rally and begin to fix what I've broken.
****
My first call is to my mother. It is long and torturous and riddled with tears and anger, but she agrees to my request as I knew she would. In fact, if I hadn't asked, I'm pretty sure she would have insisted on it anyway.
My next call is to Carl. I need her and Tuck. I need them to help me figure out how to help Sam, but before they even arrive, Detective Mora informs me that an officer witnessed the altercation and neither party will be charged. I breathe a sigh of relief, but as I take in her pitying expression, I know what is coming.
"He's gonna get out, isn't he?" I ask softly. I know she knows I mean Robin.
She offers me a weak smile. "I hope not, Rory."
I know what that means. She believes me, like Sheriff Chipley did, but my dad and Mayor Forbes, they'd have gone over her head, above her pay grade. It is completely out of her hands.
Carl and Tuck rush into the precinct and make a beeline for me. Carl pulls me in for a hug before I meet her worried eyes. I tell Tuck that Sam is being released any minute and ask to talk to Carl in private. I need her help, too.
She doesn't approve of my plan, but she has no choice but to do what I ask. She won't change my mind, not after I had to witness Sam collide head-on with my past, and end up as collateral damage. No, I have finally found my clarity and am done being selfish. I love Sam, so fucking much, and I will not make the same mistake with him that I made with Cam. If I have to let him go to avoid losing him completely, then that's what I'll do.
Sam's expression is unreadable as he strides towards us from whatever unknown room he'd been led off to earlier. He does his handshake-half hug thing with Tuck and nods to Carl before his eyes lock with mine. He says nothing to me, but he doesn't break our gaze for a second, like he's trying to get some kind of read on me, or trying to tell me something, I don't know which.
"You good, man?" Tuck asks and Sam nods once. "Good, let's get the fuck outta here."
We all get into a cab, Tuck taking the front passenger seat and I am sandwiched between Sam and Carl. No one says anything, and I fix my gaze on my own lap and twist my fingers nervously. Sam stares straight ahead for the most part, but I can feel him casting me glances, like he's trying to feel me out.
Tuck does the same thing to Sam, intermittently glancing back as if to check if his friend is really okay. Sam's face inches closer to mine until he leans into my ear.
"I'm sorry," he breathes.
I shake my head, barely perceptibly, but I know Sam sees. He has nothing to be sorry for, and he certainly shouldn't be apologizing to me. But I don't know what to say, if there's anything Icansay, that will make this easier. So I continue to say nothing at all.
Instead, I grant myself this cab ride to soak in his love, because I know it is all I have left. I scoot over the inch that separates us and cuddle against him, leaning my head onto his shoulder. I feel his entire body sag with relief, and feel such guilt that I know how short lived it will be. Sam slides his arm around my shoulder, pulling me more firmly to his side and kisses my hair, inhaling deeply, as if scenting me.
I close my eyes for a moment and try to suspend time. I vaguely notice Tuck watching us out of the corner of his eye, his brow furrowed as if trying to work out the depth of our connection when we have known each other barely a few months, and only just admitted to beingsomething morethan friends.
When we arrive at the hotel, Carl takes her cue to distract Tuck while I let Sam lead me up to his room. As I watch Sam walk through the kitchen area of his suite and start to down a bottle of water, I gather all the strength I have left in my broken self.
"Sam..."
He secures the cap on the water bottle and gives me his full attention. Vaguely I think we should sit down, but I'm too overcome with determined energy to do anything but nervously shift from foot to foot in the middle of the room.
"We need to talk," I begin.
"I'm so fucking sorry, Ror. I don't know what came over me. Your dad... I just saw red-"
"Sam, I don't wanna talk about my father, okay?" I cut him off. I can't bear to hear any more of his apologies, not when I'm the one who's to blame for everything that's gone wrong.
I watch his features shift as he detects that something is up with me. Something more than being upset over his fight with my father, or over any of the other terrible events of the past twenty-four hours. I see his concern, his fear, but I also see his determination. That he will fix it, that he can save me. And that is what I must overcome. Because he can't. I've known this all along and yet at the same time I've finally just realized it.
"I can't do this," I force out.
