Sam grows increasingly worried, scared even, but I can't let him do this to himself.
"No, Sam-"
"It's okay if you don't feel the same, Ror. I didn't mean to pressure you, or-"
"No, it's not that! OfcourseI love you, Sam!"
Shit!I didn't meant to say that out loud!
"Damn it!" I rub my face with my palms and take a deep breath. "Sam, I... I do love you," I admit again, this time intentionally. "Which is why I can't do this. Why I can't letyoudo this.You- you're amazing. You deserve a normal girl, with a normal life, and normal problems. Not..." I gesture to myself, "Me. A broken mess."
Sam stands, tense with brimming anger, but I feel no fear. Instinctually I know he would never hurt me. "Don't talk about yourself like that! We've been over this!"
I shake my head. "Yeah, everyone has issues, I know. But mine are worse, remember? No matter howstrongyou think I am, I'm still-"
"You're stillmy Rory. And I fuckingloveyou. If I'm so damnamazingthen don't I deserve to be with the girl I'm fuckingin lovewith?" His voice lowers, his expression softening. He reaches out cautiously, and brushes my hair behind my ear. "I know what I want, Ror. Maybe even more sobecauseit's not something I've ever wanted before - something I ever even thought Icouldwant. But whatever you say, whatever you want, whatever you decide - it isn't going to change how I feel.
"I'm not just going to move on and find someone else because you still think you don't deserve this - that you're notnormal. Because what you don't get is that you're right, you'renotnormal. But not because you have fucking anxiety. Because you're better thannormal, Ror. You're fucking incredible. You're beautiful and smart and strong and loyal. You're fuckingeverythingto me. If you don't want this -me -then that's one thing, but if you do... Don't let him win, baby. Aftereverything... you deserve to be happy, Ror.Wedeserve it."
And what can I do? I want to protect him, but when he says these things to me, I start to believe him, and when he looks at me like that, I melt.
Sam really loves me.
Why didn't I see it before? My eyes prick with tears, but his thumb wipes them away before they fall far. He watches me under a furrowed brow, midnight blue drowned in shadow as if he's awaiting the deliberation of a jury. And I'm the jury.What will it be? Exonerate us from our demons, or punish us both for crimes committed against us, not by us...
"I still think you deserve better," I whisper, and Sam takes a step so he's flush against me and I have to look up at him through my lashes.
"There's no such thing, Ror," he rumbles in that perfect deep timbre of his, and then his lips crash against mine, his mouth capturing mine in a kiss that promises love and passion, a future I glimpse for the first time with earnest hope.
I moan into his mouth, trying to push all my love for this boy into this one kiss. He feels it. I know he does. Sam pulls away breathlessly and scoops me up to carry me back inside. He lays me gently on the bed, and after hastily tugging off his jeans, follows me as I scoot under the duvet, pulling me tightly to his side.
I sigh contentedly.This is where I want to be.Tucked neatly against him, my head pillowed on his shoulder, my face conveniently pressed into his neck where I can savor his intoxicating scent with my every breath. I slide my leg over his, settling until we're too tangled to be told apart, our hearts beating in sync, echoing our confessions.
Sam's fingers play lightly up and down my back and I shiver at his touch. Desire unfurls within me, slowly threatening to overtake the lingering shadow of fear and pain that Robin casted over tonight.
But something isn't right. There's too much clothing between us. And I need to feel Sam's skin against mine right now more than I need air. I'm desperate for more intimacy with this man I love so deeply, this man I never believed could love me - orshouldlove me - but somehow does. But for now he seems content to simply hold me in the comfort of his arms. I gingerly reach for the hem of his shirt, slowly lifting my body away from his to peel away the material, and he maneuvers to assist me. When I reach for my camisole, his hand locks around my wrist, halting my movement, and I lean back to meet his eyes inquisitively.
"Let's not test my self-restraint any more than we have to, yeah?" he says lightly.
I frown.Self-restraint?"I didn't ask you to restrain anything," I say breathily, and peel my shirt up a few inches more.
But his grip on my wrist tightens again to stop me. "Baby, you've been through hell tonight. You'rehurt," he reminds me, his free hand gently tracing the darkening bruise on my cheek. From his expression one would think it hurts him more than it does me.
I nearly retort that I don't need him to remind me, but then I realize that, in fact, I do. I am completely distracted by him. By his declaration of love, by my own feelings for him, and right now, more than anything, by my overwhelming attraction to him and his perfect, sculpted body. But what's wrong with that? Robin doesn't deserve my attention, and certainly not Sam's. Sam, on the other hand, deserveseverything.
"I just... need to feel your skin against mine," I breathe.
Sam releases my wrist and I quickly pull off my camisole, and before he can stop me, push my shorts down enough that I can kick them off so we are both in just our underwear. Only then do I return to my place in his arms, skin to skin.
I sigh.This is so much better.
"Godyou're beautiful," Sam whispers. I cuddle into him even more, tucking my face back into his neck. I brush my lips softly back and forth over the soft skin and I feel Sam shudder beneath me. "You trying to torture me?" he teases.
I shake my head against his throat and he lets out a short chuckle. He kisses my hair, inhaling deeply. "Ror?"
"Yeah?"
"What were you talking about with him? What did he ask you that you saidyesto. You know, that set him off like that?" Sam asks tentatively.
