That's when I remember how our kissended.
Oh, God, and begging Sam for sex!Did I really do that? What the hell is wrong with me?
I sit on the edge of the tub and try to remember everything I said, everything he said, but I can't. I can only remember remnants of conversation, and none of it makes me feel any less humiliated.
Knock, knock.
I startle.
"Rory, you okay?" Sam asks.
"Fine," I reply through the door as I use my fingers to tame my unkempt hair. I sigh as I survey my reflection. I've definitely looked better. I gingerly open the door and Sam rises from the edge of the bed where he's waiting on me.
"Morning, Sleeping Beauty," he drawls with a smile.
I freeze.
I feel the blood drain from my already pale face as my pulse starts to race. I take a deep breath and swallow down my nerves.Sam is not Robin and Sam is not my father.I close my eyes and pull myself together.
"Ror-"
"Don't call me that," I say as firmly as I can manage. When I open my eyes Sam is standing right in front of me, his brow etched with concern.
"I always call you 'Ror'. I didn't think-"
"Not that. The other thing."
I march out the door into the living room and grab my bra off the arm of the sofa. I face away from Sam to push it under my shirt, and secure it without having to remove my top. I'm wearing a white tank top, and small or not, my breasts weren't exactly concealed. Idly I wonder if Sam even noticed, or if the fact that he's not especially attracted to me blinds him from my sexuality completely.
I'm still working out everything that happened. I kissed him, but he also kissed me back. AndGod, did he kiss me back.Do guys just kiss any willing girls that way? I can't imagine it - I've never been kissed like that in my life, and I've certainly never kissed anyone like that. Not even close. Except for the one kiss I ever shared with Cam. But still, last night's kiss with Sam was in a league all its own.
In those moments I was certain he wanted me - I felt his desire, and I was sure it was forme. I realize now of course that Sam's temporary interest had more to do the fact that I was simply a willing body, and he's a guy, that's all. But my realization comes too late to save myself the humiliation. Because if he could break it off so easily, pull away like he did, then clearly he didn't want me. Not really. Not like I wanted him.
Like Iwanthim.
"Sleeping Beauty?" Sam asks, perplexed.
"That's the one," I murmur as I walk around the room searching for my purse. I need to check my phone. And take my birth control pill. Though I've been less than perfect with the wholetake-them-at-the-same-time-everydaything since it's not like I'm actually having sex, I do still take them just in case. Not in case I have a one night stand - that's not something I ever so much as considered before last night - but in case I encounter someone like Robin. Someone who doesn't give me a choice.
"Okay, I won't. Any particular reason?" Sam asks, and he must get frustrated by my stomping around his hotel room and not meeting his eyes because he grabs my hand and gives it a gentle tug to get my attention. I don't know why, but it pisses me off. He had my attention last night. Myfullattention. And he didn't want it.
"Yes, there's aparticular reason," I hiss. "Rory is a nickname forAurora, remember? I was named after Sleeping fucking Beauty. My father called me that. Robin called me that. Don't call me that.Ever. Okay?"
Now our eyes are locked, and Sam nods slowly. "You mad at me?" he asks softly, and I look down at my bare feet. I am. Iammad at him, but I know I have no right to be. Surely I can't be angry with my friend for not wanting to sleep with me. Imagine if the situation were reversed?
I sigh. "No, I suppose I'm not," I murmur defeatedly on an exhale, still looking down.
Sam lifts my chin with his index finger to meet his gaze, a familiar gesture now. "That wasn't very convincing."
I say nothing. What can I say?
"You know," Sam murmurs tentatively, "Aurorawasn't just a Disney princess..."
I narrow my eyes, unsure where he's going with this, and Sam's lips quirk up into a half smile.
"She was a Roman goddess - of the dawn," he continues. "According to myth, she renews herself every morning and flies through the sky announcing the arrival of the sun."
I blink at him. I've read only the most basic mythology, and it was mostly Greek, not Roman. But still, it's my own freaking name, how have I never heard this? "How do you even know that?" I ask Sam, who simply shrugs.
