“What are you doing here?” he growled.
She swallowed but didn’t shrink into the chair. She stood, forcinghimback. “My job.”
“How many dead?”
“I don’t know.”
Bennet scoffed, taking a sip from his drink. “How bad are his injuries?”
“Who—”
“Theo,” he spat.
She crossed her arms. “I didn’t think you cared, since you tried to kill him with that whip.”
“The boy is strong,” he barked. “It was meant to teach him a lesson.”
“He’s passed out in the hall, but he’ll live,” she muttered. She wasn’t in the mood to debate with him.
Bennet’s hand wrapped around his sword, and her shoulders tensed as she waited for him to draw it. Instead, he pushed past her and disappeared into the hall.
“I don’t understand how you can do all this and still remain calm,” Alan said, his thumb brushing along the edge of a bowl of broth.
She stared at him, still processing the interaction with Bennet. Alan turned his gaze to Peter, who was awake and upright, fidgeting with a wood carving.
Amaris sighed. “Is it that I can remain calm, or are you asking if I have any fear?” She ambled closer, eyeing over Alan’s shoulder at the color peeking through Peter’s cheeks.
“Both.” Alan let out a huff, mixed with disbelief and laughter as he dragged his hand through his disheveled hair. “I understand how to wield a sword and remain calm in the heat of a fight, but taking a man’s life is different than saving it. How do you do it without bearing the responsibility of the realm?”
“It’s all still there, the fear and panic, but I’ve learned to control it. I’ve tended to dying people before,” she confessed. “I can’t do anything for them if I’m in my own head about their uncertainty. I’m not the one who’s injured—it’s them.” She gestured to Peter. “I have to remind myself of that.”
She excused herself from the room. More hands were scattered about now, and she avoided Bennet as he kneeled beside Theodoric’s cot. She walked to the back corner, wondering what she’d say first, but Adelaide was nowhere to be seen, as usual, and Esaias was passed out.
She wished she could rest, but there was still too much to do. She found where she’d left off with her patients and began again—assess, treat, and repeat. It was only when she finally reached her last patient beside Esaias that she curled up on the floor and closed her eyes.
Chapter 46
Theo
Every part ofTheo’s body hurt as he sat up on the cot. He rubbed his hand against the scars on his chest. How many had seen the marks of his suffering? He had a servant fetch him a shirt and something to assist with his getting around. He’d rested enough for now. There were more pressing matters to discuss. When he was finally leaning against a crutch, he spared a glance around the hall and spotted them.
Through the dimly lit chamber he saw Amaris. She was nestled beside Adelaide in the far corner. Esaias was next to them, likely one of the few snoring.
He wanted to go over and pray she finally remembered the Conjugation, but he knew it’d be futile. Maybe with time, she’d come to remember. He wouldn’t allow himself to believe it was a fleeting moment lost to the poison and wine. He wanted it to be more than that. He wanted Amaris to be more than the mystique, more than his friend.
He hobbled through the hall, taking slow strides to put as little pressure against his knee as he could. The binding Amaris had wrapped around it had worked immensely for the swelling, and possibly the hours of restdid too. He staggered past the shut door he could only assume housed the dead. A mass funeral would take place at sunset, either tonight or the next, to burn the victims of the massacre and send their souls to After.
He didn’t wish to see who was among the dead, not yet. He wasn’t prepared for who he’d find. The light of dawn was building within the manor, flooding the halls in bright light. He knocked once on his father’s study before he hollered for Theo to enter.
“It brings me joy to see you aren’t dead,” his father said flatly, nursing a glass of kusu. His feet were propped on the edge of his desk, crusted blood and dirt coating the soles of his boots. Dark circles hung below his eyes, along with several drops of splattered crimson.
“I would say the same for you. I didn’t expect to see you joining the fight.” Theo took a seat across from him.
His father poured him a glass and slid it across the sleek surface. “I couldn’t very well be one of the few who sheltered within the walls. Besides, a true leader leads his people from their sides,” he huffed, taking a long sip. “It would seem we have found the culprits to our Duncaster situation.”
The glass stopped at the edge of Theo’s lips, his eyes skimming the surface. He only wished he’d seen it coming. They ran into sailors weeks ago, and Isabel had warned him, but he’d cast it all aside. He should’ve been preparing for a possible attack.
“Sergeant Salter informed me of what happened on the ship,” his father said. “Bennet plans to further question Corporal Salter before she’s sent to Elric for her treason.”
