“Let’s forget about it.”
His hand slid to her chin, grasping it between his fingers as he turned her to face him. His gray eyes gleamed against the fluorescent light overhead, and his prominent jaw angled forward as he slipped his thin lips over hers.
“That’s why I love you, my beautiful Amaris,” he whispered against her lips.
“I love you too.”
She slid her arms around his neck and pulled him in for one more kiss. She wished every morning was like this. He was too charming for his own good, but he was right. The drunken fit had passed. He hadn’t meant to say any of it, and she’d said things she wasn’t proud of either. She sensed him smile as he pulled back, pressing his shirt of wrinkles and tending to a few stray hairs. She missed the shaggy mop he’d sported in high school. It’d made him more rugged, not as clean and put together.
She debated bringing up what was really on her mind, since it’d caused a fight the other night, but with his sober state, there was a chance he’d agree.
“How about you take a break from your cases for the night and we wedding plan instead?”
He cringed, his grin vanishing. “Now is not a good time to be planning a wedding.”
She set her fork down. “Derek, we’ve been engaged for two years. How long are we going to keep pushing it off?”
“You know how busy I’ve been since I got promoted,” Derek said. “I have to prove myself and at least close one of these missing persons cases. How can I call myself a detective if I haven’t even solved one?”
“What about me? I got promoted and have more work than ever, but you don’t see me stalling this wedding. Am I supposed to sit here and wait around for you to finally have a break in a case to buy a wedding dress?” she said as he grasped his temples, massaging the vein on his forehead. “Do you even want to marry me anymore?”
His face snapped toward her.
I shouldn’t have said that.She gripped the edge of the table, waiting for him to clap back with something venomous.
“Of course I want to marry you. I love you, for fuck’s sake, but I can’t handle planning a stupid wedding while also juggling these cases. Doesn’tthe woman usually take care of everything anyways?”
Her heart plummeted with resignation into the knot claiming permanent residence in her stomach. Apparently, it was her job to plan alone what was supposed to be the start to the rest of their lives together. Forget that she’d spent years working her ass off too. She was just a helpless woman who couldn’t perform her job without her fiancé worrying she’d be killed.
She wanted to make him realize what he was doing to her. Why couldn’t he see it hurt, and he was pulling a piece of her heart each time he pushed the wedding off? She understood why he wanted to bring these people home, or at least give the family some resemblance of peace, but she couldn’t take it anymore. She was here now. Why couldn’t he see that?
“Can we talk about this later?” he said, grabbing his thermos. “I’m going to be late.”
“Fine,” she breathed, grabbing the ceramic mug and taking a swig of coffee like she was downing a shot of whiskey.
He leaned and pressed a kiss to the top of her head before running through the house. His footsteps carried him over the creaky wooden floors, over the ugly carpet, and out the front door.
Her hands wrapped around the mug. Its heat penetrated through the walls of the cup.Was it selfish to want his time and to pull him from his cases?She shouldn’t have to battle it, begging for his affection one minute and working an extra shift to avoid him the next.
She dropped her head against the table, groaning as her fork bounced next to her. Derek hadn’t remembered what yesterday was. She’d hoped for a text last night or something this morning, but he’d forgotten.
§
Amaris walked thesame path as always, hopping the back fence leading to the park behind her neighborhood. She slipped through twolarge bushes and emerged onto the dirt trail, brushing off the twigs and leaves sticking to her shirt and jean shorts.
Each morning after shift, she took a trek through the woods, where she was free to be herself. Where she didn’t have to wear a lieutenant’s cap or a mask to hide her frustration or grief. She was free.
The discovery of the never-ending road had been a mystical moment when she’d raced after a rabbit in the backyard she’d grown up in. Gran and Grandad’s old house was only a block from hers and Derek’s. She’d been young then but had felt an instant sense of relief from whatever seemed to trouble a ten-year-old at the time.
She could never describe how walking the path lined with elms and dandelions cast the worries from her head. The dirt of the path kicked up around her and continued to coat her already worn sneakers in another layer of dust. She didn’t mind it, though. It brought a small smile to her face.
The mundane path of towering trees flowed and bent until it came to a fork, and what lay between the differing paths was the large and beautiful willow tree. Its branches cast themselves in a canopy over the grass beneath and the trail beyond. It was a warm hug to be taken in by the arms of the weeping willow and swaddled in its cocoon.
Amaris gripped the lowest branch, hoisting her feet to wrap around it to hang and take in her upside-down surroundings. A squirrel skittered across the path and zoomed up a tree in the distance. She squeezed her thighs around the branch, closing her eyes as she released her arms to be free to flow through the air. It was a thrilling sensation of soaring with the security of her tree holding her tight. Her arms dangled, skimming the grass beneath her as she let out a frustrated shout.
For two years, she’d been trying to marry the man she loved, but something always got in the way. She curled herself up and scaled the rest of the way to the heart of the trunk, where she used a small indentation to nestle in and hide. She leaned into it and plopped one foot over the other, folding her hands behind her head and inhaling the drooping leavesdangling above her nose.
“I had my first fire as a lieutenant yesterday.” She sighed, her words hovering in the branches around her, safe from the world. Her eyes burned as tears misted around the edges. “It was terrible. I almost got myself and Charlie killed.” The image of Grandad jumping onto the fire engine popped into her head. When she’d been younger and a call had come in, Grandad had taken her to the station with him, and he’d even let her sit in the seat beside him sometimes. Amaris dragged her hands over her eyes. “Maybe I’m not cut out to be a lieutenant.”
