“It is. Almost.” Gabriel puts down his panini and looks at me. “I need someone to run it with me. A centre manager. I want that to be you.”
Ah, so this is it. I shouldn’t be surprised as he’d always factored me into his plans, assuming I’d be there. This is the same. He hasn’t even asked me, he’s just stated what he wants, which riles me up.
“No.”
“You know it was always my dream. You have the skills and I need someone I can trust.”
“That’s it, Gabriel, it wasyourdream. You never asked what my dreams were. I’m not going to take your handouts, or tag along on your coattails. I’ve spent a long time building upmylife, on my own.” I had to. Mechanic’s nephews don’t get to go to university. I had to work my way up through internships and day release college courses to get where I am.
“And how do you like it here? In this life of yours?” he asks. His tone is kind and he doesn’t sneer like Miles would’ve done. Why am I even thinking of that prick right now. But it does bring my life back into focus.
“It’s fine,” I mutter. I don’t sound convincing even to my ears. Gabriel looks at me intensely for a second. It feels like he’s reading my soul, except he can’t be, because if he could do that, he’d see the truth and it’d probably make him leave.
“Tell me three good things about your life, your job, living here,” he asks quietly. I drop my head, trying to come up with some truthful answers, but I’ve never been any good at lying.
“I’m not coming to work for you, Gabriel.” I pick at my sandwich, pulling bits of crust off.
“We’d be a great team. You’d be the boss, have your own staff. The pay is generous, and there’s a cottage. And you could play polo again.” I lift my head at the last part. It does sound tempting; I miss playing. But it all seems so fantastical.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because—” I falter. What can I say? Because if I come back I’ll never leave. Because there’s a part of me that’s still in love with you. Because I know you’ll never want me the same way, and if I have to see you every day, it’ll break me. I stand “Thanks for the lunch.” I turn to walk away.
“Please, Charley.” Again the words snag my core, calling me back. I look back at him. His smile is gone and I see something else in his eyes. A look I’ve never seen before. I don’t know what it is but I don’t give in to it. I turn away again, and with leaden feet I walk away from Gabriel for the second time in my life.
CHAPTER THREE
GABRIEL
Fuck!
I watch Charley walk away without a backward glance and my heart sinks. I stare after him for a few minutes, trying to decide what to do next. Had I expected him to say yes? Probably, as I hadn’t actually thought about what would happen if he said no. He never says no. But then, we’re not kids anymore. He’s an adult and he can make his own choices. That’s fine. But there’s one thing I’m pretty sure of and that is Charley isn’t happy. He looked good, really good, but there was a tightness round his eyes. Charley’s always been the more serious one of us, but he’s never looked like this. I know time changes us but it still seemed like there was something going on. He didn’t mention a partner, and I didn’t ask because I’m not sure I want to know the answer to that. But if there was someone significant in his life, surely he would’ve said when I asked him about what made him stay here?
That’s it, my one chance to try to get Charley back and I’ve blown it. There’s nothing more for me to do now except drive back to Oxfordshire and try to think of a plan B.
I don’t want to, though. I only ever wanted Charley for this project. I should’ve approached him months ago, but every time I thought about it my brain said I had time. Now time has run out.
As soon as I get back to the house, I change and head out to the stables. I’ve already called Kirsty and asked her to get Merlin ready for me. Once in the saddle, I ride out through the woods towards the heath. Riding and being around horses always helps to clear my head. They’ve always been my place to escape to. It wasn’t ever easy being the heir to Monkswood, there were expectations on how I should behave, what I needed to know. Going away to Woodcoutts school had been alright, but then I came home in the holidays and never had any friends close by. That was until I came across a kid who looked as lost as I was. Claiming Charley as a friend was easy, he didn’t have any expectations of what I should say or do. He went along with everything I did, even my more rebellious plans with a little persuasion. Maybe that was the problem, he was too malleable. Maybe we should have disagreed more, argued even. Because when an argument did come, neither of us knew how to handle it and it shattered our friendship.
I look up from my thoughts and realise I’ve unconsciously arrived at the same fork in the woods where I first met Charley. My body had travelled the same route as my thoughts. Except there’s no Charley here, looking up at me with uncertainty in his pale eyes. There’s just the ghost of a memory. Sighing, I turn Merlin back towards home. I haven’t found the answer out here.
“What’s eating you?” Imogen, my sister, asks when I enter the drawing room before dinner.
“Nothing,” I reply like a petulant teenager and throw myself down into a chair.
“Gabe, I know you better than that, what’s wrong?” I sigh at her question. My sister is my best friend. I have a few good friends from school, like Ru and Linden, but Imogen’s the only one who’s nearly on the same level as Charley was. She was the first person I came out to as bisexual. Linden came out as gay while we were still at Woodcoutts, the first and only one of us at that time, and Ru has only come out recently, since he met Nate last year. It was at uni that I discovered that side of me. I was twenty at the time and as confused as hell, and talking to Imogen helped me sort through it. It was then, looking back, that I realised how much Charley meant to me. Only Imogen knows the truth of it.
“I went to see Charley today,” I say quietly.
“Charley Marshall?”
“Yeah. I asked him to come and be the centre manager. You know I always wanted him to be a part of it.”
“What, you just turned up out of the blue and asked him to come work for you?”
“I took him to lunch,” I protest, not liking her tone. She narrows her eyes and fixes me with a look. One that makes me want to crawl under a stone to get away from it.
