“You wish to know about my son,” he said.
She grimaced but turned it into a forgiving smile. “So, it is true?”
“I am afraid that it is,” he sighed deeply. “His name is Hugh, and while I have no idea what you have heard, if you will allow me to set the record straight…”Or what I am able to tell you anyhow.“… Perhaps then you can decide if I am the worst person you know, or maybe just the second worst.”
She laughed and slapped his arm. “Oh, I am sure it is not that bad. I mean, I do know some awful fellows, so it is a high bar.”
“I will endeavor to remain under it,” he joked. “In truth, it is not nearly as wicked as it might sound. Hugh is the son of…” He clicked his tongue. “A dear friend of mine, from years ago. Her pregnancy was an accident, and we both decided at the time that it would be best if she raised him on her own. My father…” He scoffed. “Things were expected of me, and a son outside of wedlock would have laid waste to those plans.”
“And Hugh’s mother…” she pressed gently.
“She passed recently,” he said. “Which is why the boy is now with me. He is my blood, and he deserves to be raised as my heir. I am not ashamed of what I did, Lady Emily, but I am ashamed that it might look like I am. If that makes sense?”
She beamed and pulled his arm in tighter as they walked. “There is nothing to be ashamed of, Your Grace. You did as you thought you must, and now you are doing as is right. What could be more noble than that?”
It should have brought great relief to Alistair to hear Lady Emily’s words. That she understood him, and that she was so forgiving, might have been music to his ears.
Sadly, guilt was what took Alistair’s conscious in that moment, because what he had told her was less than half the truth. And that she was so kind and forgiving… he felt like a damn villain.
“And how is he settling in?” she asked.
“Very well, thank you,” he said. They came to a bench by the path, and they sat down. As they did, Lady Emily took Alistair’s hand and held it, seemingly determined to close the gap between them.
He eyed the hand once more… wondering again why he did not feel the same as he had with Miss Norleigh…
“He is educated, then? He can read and write?”
Alistair smiled. “By all accounts, he can. In fact, I have hired a governess to teach him, and while it is just two days in, so far she is doing a fine job.”
“I am glad to hear it. I am sure he will grow into a fine young man…” She moved in closer and continued to smile at him. “Much like his father.”
“Yes, well, we will see how his governess fairs.”
Alistair cursed himself silently for mentioning Miss Norleigh – and twice! He wanted to stop thinking about her, but seemed determined to mention her at every turn as if he wanted her on his mind.
What he should have done was allow her to quit. That would have been the smart play. Only… no, he could not do that either. Her father knew too much about Hugh’s origins, so he needed Miss Norleigh close so that he could keep an eye on her.
Yes, that is why I have kept her around.
“Your Grace…” Lady Emily’s voice softened. “I wish to say that I am so glad you felt comfortable sharing this with me. I know it is not easy, but that you trust me…” Her smile brightened. “It means so much.”
“Of course, Lady Emily.”
“And while it might be too early for such things, I would like very much to meet Hugh one day soon. I love children, I always have, and I relish the chance to get to know your son better. Anything he needs to feel more welcome, and I am here for you both.”
“Lady Emily, that is…” It was a kind offer. Dammit, it was just what he needed to hear. Any fears he had about Hugh being accepted by his peers might have been washed away by that single offer, and Alistair should have sighed with relief.
For reasons he could not ascertain, her offer struck him wrong. He found at that moment that he did not want her to meet Hugh. Why that was, he could not say. For some reason, it just felt wrong.
“That is very kind,” her forced himself to say. “And I will keep it in mind.”
“Please do.”
Alistair did not spend much longer with Lady Emily that morning. His initial plan was to be with her all day, a means to make up for all the lost time that he had missed this last week. But once Hugh’s name was mentioned, he found his stomach twisting, his conscience rebelling, and his mind split into a million different pieces.
Once, he might have thought it was to do with his objections to marriage. Now, he knew it was infinitely more complex than that.
Before Hugh came along, Alistair’s life was a simple thing. He was his own man, he did as he pleased, and he cared little for what other people thought. Now, every action he took, every choice he made, was watched under a magnifying glass, and hefeared that one wrong thing said would see his world blow up in his face so that he might never recover.
