He nodded, as if that was all that needed to be said.
“You know we have to marry.”
This time she did not answer.
It was his turn to sigh. “When we marry, we will have a comfortable life. Your father is making certain you have a sizable dowry under your control.”
She squinted as if he needed to come into focus. “My father. The short man who waves a lot.”
His smile was wry. “Yes.”
She actually smiled back. “I love my father, but it would never naturally occur to him to give any woman such an option. I’m still not certain how my mother manages it.”
“Well, he did this time. You’ll want for nothing.”
“Except a breath of free air.”
“I don’t follow you.”
She sighed, collected her thoughts, struggling to make him understand what no man truly could. “I have been in charge of the day-to-day running of this house and two others when we’re there, since I was fifteen. I also do most of the parish visits, the church committees, the governess and tutor interviews. My entire life I have been responsible for quite a few people, even my parents. Do you know what that’s like? And please don’t say yes.”
His grin was a bit sheepish. “I was merely a colonel in the Dragoons. Does that count?”
“You’ve served with my brothers. Do you think so?”
She was gratified to see a scowl.
“There are five more just like them under the age of twelve in this house,” she said. “Not to mention the three girls. And thatdoesn’t even take into account the parents and staff. Or Charlie and Eddie.”
“There are only two little girls at my home,” he said, as if it would answer everything. “Much easier.”
That once again brought her to her feet. Why didn’t anyone understand? Why didn’t they ever understand? The girls only made it so much worse, because she could so easily love them.
“I can’t!” she said, surprising herself.
Inevitably he came to his feet as well. “Why? Are you afraid? You’re obviously skilled enough. After seeing what you do here, your change to my home would seem a vacation.”
She was shaking her head, the panic rising in her throat.
He shrugged. “It could be?—”
She spun on him, leveling an accusing finger. “Donotsay it could be worse. Not if you want to leave this room in possession of all your teeth.”
Of course, she surprised a smile from him. What else did she expect?
“Don’t you understand?” she demanded, hands clenched, back so straight she feared she’d crack. “It is what I tried to explain last night. I have never been given a choice or an option. I have never been able to do whatIwant. My entire life has been spent at the service of my family. And now, it will beyourfamily.”
“But what do you want?”
“I don’t know! But something that ismine. Now I will never get the chance to even look! I’ve gone from being a little mother to a big mother. I’ve never been just Georgie.”
When she looked up to see if he was finally beginning to comprehend what every woman did, she found herself caught tight by his expressive seawater eyes. Pain, she thought. Frustration. Caring. He was trying, she realized.
With a sigh of his own, he reached down and captured her hands. His fingers were callused, long and elegant. A real gentleman’s hands. Hands that should have played the pianoforte, not wielded a weapon. Hands that nonetheless held hers as gently as a whisper, so that she didn’t feel threatened or overwhelmed. So that she felt...cossetted. Comforted. Even as her body once again sang with a life she barely recognized as her own.
Oh, how frustrating! That this was the man who would steal her only chance at escape, and she could see that he regretted it. Not enough to throw over the traces and let her go, of course. She saw it in his eyes long before he knelt down at her feet.
She immediately frowned and pulled at her hands. “Stop that.”
