She wasn’t sure why. He had never given it easily.
Oh, she knew why. For so long he had seen her as a little girl. Certainly, her size and, blast it,elfinlooks hadn’t helped. And then, by the time he had realized his mistake, Pip had helped Theo to rebel enough to go to war. To go to war and disappear.
She couldn’t even blame him. But it hurt. She knew the passion, the goodness, the need for love that roiled beneath his crust of skepticism. She knew that he had locked himself away where he couldn’t feel the pain of loss. Where he didn’t have to fear more. And now, he had to fear what Theo’s return would mean, and would carry guilt for the question.
But oh, she wanted more. She wanted the chance to simply snuggle up against him and talk out everything she had faced and learned and overcome the last few days. She wanted him to help her dissect the conflicting feelings she had about Perfect Pamela, now one of the shuffling, muttering inmates. So lost in laudanum that when she had seen Pip pass by in her maid’s uniform and mobcap, she hadn’t even blinked.
And by St. Bertha’s baskets, Pip wanted to lie in his arms and recreate the poignant sense of belonging she had so briefly felt when they were skin to skin, when he was inside her, changing her, wakening her, devastating her.
But she had sent him away. She had made him finally choose, because she couldn’t crawl after him, begging him to see her anymore. And that hurt worst of all.
She got to the corner where she usually saw Kit Braxton, but the corner was empty. It was silly to feel bereft, but she was beginning to feel abandoned. She needed to know what was going on. Instead, she found herself turning away and wondering if she would get any sleep.
“Well there, missy. What are you doin’ out here?”
Pip did not stop walking. This was the last thing she needed. “I am taking my walk as I do every evening, which you know since you stand at the guardhouse by the gate.”
He was matching her steps. She gaged her distance from the kitchen door and was not encouraged. Why did men always do this? She almost found a grin, because her next thought was, why did the man she wanted to do this never do it?
“You don’t have to be inside yet,” the guard wheedled. “Why don’t we visit in my guardhouse.”
“No, thank you.”
She could feel his breath on her neck.
“Not very friendly, are you?”
And then, between one breath and the next, his hands were on her arms, and he was spinning her around. Pip battled a flash of terror. No. This wasnotgoing to happen. She took in a breath just as his face came down to hers, and she drove her knee straight up into him.
His scream was most satisfying. Pip jumped back as he jackknifed onto the ground. “You…bitch!”
“Just be glad I did not use my knife,” she rasped, straightening.
“You’ll pay for…”
Pip was walking fast to the door. His sudden squeal made her turn. And there, as if called up by her wishful thinking stood Beau. Not the kind, smiling Beau she had been wishing for, though. This Beau was dark vengeance, his hands clasped around the guard’s neck, the guard’s feet dangling inches off the ground. Beau must have yanked him straight up. Pip saw it and found herself disconcerted that just as much as she was unsettled by his actions, she was elated. St. Steven’s stones, she wasaroused.
Well, that couldn’t be allowed. Not when she was still trembling from the guard’s attack. But there was Beau looking too much like the avenging angel.
Pip turned toward him. She came within inches of calling out his name and ruining everything.
“Don’t…sir,” she begged, hand out. The guard’s face was turning purple, and he was scrabbling at Beau’s hands. “He’s not worth your being sent to prison. Please.”
And then Beau finally looked at her, and time stopped. She swore her heart stopped. His dear chocolate eyes were so fierce, as cold as death. Until they met hers. Then, like lightning, they flared with such agony and relief she could barely stand it.
“You will apologize to the lady,” he grated in the guard’s ear, easing the pressure on his throat a bit. “And if I ever happen to see you molesting another woman, I will happily saw your cock off. Do. You. Understand?”
The guard rightly looked terrified. Pip felt terrified. She had the most horrible feeling Beau was balanced on a knife’s edge of control.
But finally, the guard looked her way. “So…sorry. I thought…You…”
“You were wrong,” Beau informed him and let go with a push that sent the man stumbling.
“Thank you,” Pip spoke up and was horrified to hear that her voice was trembling as well. “I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t walked by.”
And unbelievably, Beau grinned. “You would have used your knife, I imagine.”
“Why, yes,” she said, smiling back, trembly with reaction. “I imagine I would.”
