Beau shoved a hand through his hair, which told Pip everything about his state of mind. Beau never presented himself as anything other than fully put together. Seeing his hair disordered did something to her insides.
“I know you didn’t want this marriage,” she said, deciding that she wasn’t in the mood for uncomfortably dancing around each other. “I didn’t either, for the very reason that it would make you unhappy.”And thereby make me unhappy.“But I would appreciate it if we could at least act as the friends we used to be.”
His expression was unreadable. His hair was still distracting Pip. All she wanted to do was smooth it back again where he was sure to believe it belonged.
She’d spent a childhood wanting to rumple his hair into disorder, to throw him off his perfect stride. But Theo had done that for him, and Pip found that she didn’t like it after all. Especially since this surprise marriage had disordered him even more.
He dropped into the other armchair as if someone had taken his knees out. “I’m sorry,” he said, hands clenched on his knees. “I wanted to talk. I just wanted some privacy. We’ve been surrounded by people since this whole thing began. Not exactly an optimum place to decide where we go from here.”
“I want to talk, too,” she said, grieving for his distress. “But could we do it after we’ve eaten Mrs. Webb’s special dinner? I did not eat much at the breakfast. Telling a raft of such clankers as I did this afternoon tends to disrupt the peace of a stomach.”
He actually offered her a wry grin. “We should at least compare notes on exactly which clankers we both told.”
She smiled back, no matter what her stomach still felt like. “My favorite was the long-standing familial understanding that had been disrupted by an unnamed misunderstanding.”
An eyebrow went north. “Was the misunderstanding blond and…er…”
“Overripe? No. That was the punishment. You should be glad I’m so forgiving.”
He nodded, looking marginally more relaxed. “We can compare notes at dinner.”
“How about after Drake leaves again? Then we’ll know where you are in the investigation and what still needs to be done.”
He scowled. “Pip….”
She climbed to her own feet, which wasn’t nearly as impressive as Beau doing it. “You said he is coming by. Let us tackle one problem at a time, shall we?”
And before he could argue, she walked to the door. Her hand on the knob, she paused. “One thing we’ll settle right now, though. I would appreciate your not calling me Brat in front of your ex-lovers.”
Standing back up, he tilted his head. “Even when you’re acting like a brat?”
She scowled. “Don’t be absurd. I never act like a brat. An original, maybe. A diamond.” She shrugged. “I would even allow a charming eccentric.”
“And is that what I should call you?”
She nodded graciously. “I will accept being addressed as beloved, sweetheart, goddess, and my passionate delight. You can save Brat for when I inevitably beat you in billiards.” She flashed him a bright smile.
He choked on his own laughter. “You’re going to be every bit as difficult as I’d imagined.”
“Yes,” she said with a definite nod. “I am.”
He took a step closer and reached over to push her glasses up her nose. “Forewarned, is that right?” Without waiting for a reply, he dropped a kiss on her forehead. “And just so you know, Brat. I don’t loathe you.”
It wasn’t exactly a vow of undying love, Pip thought, but for now she would hold on to her small joy.
In the end, though, she could only hold on for a moment, because before she could turn back to open the door, somebody was scratching on it. Pip opened it to find Billings standing stiffly outside.
“My apologies, my lady,” he said. “But Lord Drake is in the library for Lord Drummond.”
Beau briefly laid a hand against her back on the way by, inciting another smile, a small ray of hope. Until he spoke.
“Why don’t you get some rest, my dear?” he asked. “Lord Drake and I have some business to attend to.”
And she heard it. That tone of voice. The dismissal she had spent her life hearing.Be a good girl and stay out of the way. Keep yourself busy while we do the important things. Don’t you have somewhere to be?Once again dismissed, discarded, dispensable.
Suddenly her future yawned ahead of her, vast and empty, once again spending her time trying to find someplace to belong. Someplace to call home, rather than the various places she had simply resided. Without purpose, without purchase, always standing just a bit outside the warm confines of her loving family. Any loving family.
For the longest time, she stood there where she had always been, left behind while others lived vivid lives. Caught on the wrong side of a closed door with no way through.
