He returned the embrace, filling his hands with her, filling his senses with the sight of her sunlit hair and deep-lakeeyes. With the scent of rain on her hair and her dress awhisper of grace. It only made him hurt worse for all thosemonths he would be waking alone. It made him terrifiedthat it wouldn’t end the way he wanted it.
“Honey, I need to tell you something.”
“As long as you haven’t enlisted for the navy, I think I canhandle anything.”
“I’m leaving.”
She went still in his arms. “What do you mean?” she demanded. “You just got here.”
He shook his head. “I have to get home, Claire. You haveto get on with your work.”
Her eyes widened, her breathing quickened. “But I can’tdo it without you.”
“Yes, you can. You have more courage than anyone Iknow.”
“But you said you loved me.”
“Oh, Claire, I do. I love you and that mangy brood youcall a family and this inn and the beach. But if I stay now,you’ll never know if you love me.”
“What are you talking about? Tony, I’m just beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. How can you walkout on me now?”
He rested a quieting finger against her lips and tried tomake her understand. “You and Sam got what you weregoing through mixed up with what you meant to each other.If we’re going to have any future, we can’t let that happento us. You’re on the right road, Claire. You’re going to heal.You’re going to put Vietnam in its place and come throughit whole. But, honey, it’s something you have to do on your own, or we’re never going to be able to meet as equal partners. I’ll always be the patient you saved, and you’ll alwaysbe the nurse with PTSD I forced into treatment.”
The tears that had threatened fell, and Tony foughtharder for his conviction. With a thumb, he wiped themfrom her cheeks.
“Please don’t do this to me,” she begged, holding onmore tightly.
“I’m always there for you. Phone me any time day ornight. For anything, whether it’s fireworks on the Fourth or Jess needing help with homework. But you need room rightnow, and I have to give it to you.”
She wept harder. “Please, Tony.”
Tony kissed her, savoring the taste of her mouth, the silk-soft texture of her skin. Breathing in the life of her, thegentle compassion wrapped in sense, the grace of her bodyagainst his. He battled his own grief, because he couldn’timagine waking up again to nothing but that empty pondout in the backyard. He couldn’t imagine not sharing Gina with this crowd or following Claire to the beach again.
But he’d made up his mind. He’d talked to Andy and he’dtalked to Mary Louise. He knew it was right. He just had tokeep remembering it as he felt his heart crumble to dust inthis beautiful old house.
“I’ll be there,” he told her again. “You’ll know when tocall me. You’ll know when you’re ready.”
“I can’t do this,” she insisted.
Tony held her there where she could see him, and he toldher what he truly believed. “If I thought you couldn’t dothis,” he said, “I’d never leave. But if I thought youcouldn’t do this, I would never have fallen in love with youin the first place.”
“Ican’tdo this,” she insisted. “Not alone.”
He held on tight. Forced her to listen. “I promise,” he said. “I’m only a phone call away. You’ve taken the firststep, Claire. Take the rest.”
He wasn’t sure she believed him. He wasn’t sure the whole time he prepared to leave, as he packed up his tools and sent his brothers home before him, as he said goodbye to the kidsand got Peaches’s word that he’d be in touch if there wasany trouble.
It took him four more days to make good his promise, and he knew every day that Claire held out the hope hewould stay. It was harder every day to leave, but he did it anyway, knowing that if he didn’t give her this, the rest ofwhat they’d been through together would have been worthless.
It didn’t make it any easier.
“I can call you,” she said again as she stood alongside his car in the drive.
He held on to her hand through the window. “Any time.”
She nodded, stiff and unyielding and already alone.“Then I won’t say goodbye.”
Tony simply lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it,knowing there was nothing else to say. As he pulled away, helooked into the rearview mirror to see her standing in thedrive, her pastel dress weaving about her like a wave, and he prayed.
“Remember,” he said, even though she couldn’t hearhim. “You’ll know when you’re ready.”
